Jerry Lewis is an inspiration to me even though I don’t really like watching anything he did. Great colors in the Nutty Professor though, that pink and blue suit Buddy Love wore is fucking killer. And that painting he commissioned Margaret Keane to do, where he and his family were all wearing circus leotards? That was some fucked up shit. Oh yeah and the Day the Clown Cried, that’s something I think about a lot, I’m sure we all do, pretty sure I’d end up making something comparatively tasteless if I had the slightest whiff of success. Jerry Lewis kinda rules.
Anyway Jerry also had the MDA Labor Day Telethon, where he’d go on TV for like a full day and beg you to donate money to his charity, which was 100% gonna cure muscular dystrophy any day now. When my uncle was alive he’d call me up every Labor Day weekend and ask “Are you watching the telethon?” And when I said no he was always befuddled, like what the fuck was wrong with my generation, why wasn’t I watching the fucking telethon?? And the answer was “cuz I had Nintendo.”
But now I have regrets. I wish I’d watched all those telethons. I wish I’d seen Jerry reunite with Dean, or whatever shit Sinatra would do, and all those times Tony Orlando would sing along with Jerry’s Kids, man I really hope Tony gained more weight during the pandemic than I did, really won’t be happy if he’s in better shape than me. Shit, forget the past, I wish there was a telethon going on this year. And maybe there is I dunno but Jerry isn’t on it so I don’t care. No one can fill that void.
EXCEPT FOR ME
This Friday, starting at (note to editor: please insert time here if I don’t chicken out and reconsider this whole horrible idea by tomorrow), I am going to play through Batman for ZX Spectrum: The Remake live, on https://twitch.tv/bachelorsoft, and not only that: I am going to beat it, and set the world speedrun record, live, on gamerstream. Setting the record should be easy because I don’t think there is one yet. This will be a first. It also may take all weekend and drive me absolutely insane. But I am going to do it. Unless I chicken out. So blood potion this post or heckle me about it or I’ll definitely chicken out.
Also I’m going to use this stream to raise money for my charity, (note to editor: please insert whatever name you settled on for the completely legitimate charity we started). Please consider taking some of the money you were going to spend on Labor Day White Claws and putting it towards a noble cause like (legitimate charity). If enough of us team up maybe we can change the world, or at least beat Batman for ZX Spectrum.
Oh yeah I’m gonna need to take all kinds of breaks. Much like Jerry I gotta powder my nose sometimes. Eat some food. Make sure our legitimate charity is doing its best to remain legitimate. If you would like to appear on the telethon and entertain an audience of,like, some bots and two SButts who probably muted the feed and fell asleep please let me know, you’ll be able to do whatever the fuck you want while I’m away, I can’t stop you, please don’t get banned from twitch though, that would stink for me.
This is one of the worst ideas I’ve ever had, hope you tune in, thanks for your support.
