Hello friends, it’s me, Bachelor. You may remember me from The Bachelor Soft 2022 Labor Day Telethon To End Batmania. As I’m sure you recall that event was a rousing success! Over the course of 24 hours we set a world speedrun record for Batman For ZX Spectrum: The Freeware Remake For Windows Computer, raised money for legitimate charity, eradicated all interest in Batman forever and ever, and, most importantly, had a big ol’ ball doing it. I mean maybe the charity was important too but I’m only interested in helping people if it’s fun and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Anyway it’s 2023! And Labor Day weekend is upon us. Hopefully you all have some nice relaxing times free of labor but me? I’m gonna be workin’. I got a tradition to uphold and a legitimate charity to support! This year…it’s up to me…to save Tony Orlando’s house.
Here’s who Tony Orlando is if you don’t know, hope that helps, you’re welcome!!
What’s wrong with Tony Orlando’s house, you might ask? And the answer is I dunno, probably nothing. But what if something did happen to it? Like if a pipe burst in his guest bathroom, or there was some kind of septic tank related issue (possibly caused by a guest), or if someone who wasn’t directly related to him sat down on a toilet really hard and broke it. That would be tragic. And maybe Tony’s prepared for such emergencies, but what if he isn’t? Are you in regular contact with him? I’m not, I’ve never met the dude, I am 100% not the guest in those hypothetical catastrophes listed above. But I still want to make sure he’s okay should anything bad happen. And that’s why we have to make sure we raise some money and set it aside just in case we have to someday save Tony Orlando’s house.
How will we raise awareness of the need to save Tony Orlando’s house? By setting three speedrun world records in one day. Has such a feat ever been performed before? Maybe, but it was probably done by some homely nerd and not me, a very handsome adult, and the games were probably for children (such as Spyros, Robloxxx, Mavis Beacon), or Marios (loved by all but loved too much by too many) and not high brow interactive motion pictures. That’s right: I am going to set world records in three Kenji Eno games in one day and I bet I emerge triumphant and not the least bit damaged.
The opening text scroll from Enemy Zero, a game I have never truly played but you better believe I’ll be its world champion come Labor Day
Also maybe I won’t do those games I dunno anyone have any other ideas, I’m kinda scared to play all of D2 in one sitting…but I’ll do it…if I have to…for Tony.
So tune in to https://twitch.tv/bachelorsoft at 2023-09-02T02:00:00Z and leave that browser open all day long cuz I have lots of great stuff to show, you won’t believe how much Jerry Lewis Telethon content I’ve found – I have at least two Mummenschanz performances ready to go!
See you then, folks! See you then!!
That’s Jerry LEE Lewis, not Jerry Lewis! Yes, Tony was friends with both of them!!
