Watched Martin & Lewis’ Artists and Models last night with miffy, had an absolutely wonderful time, have never actually seen a full movie with this duo before, dunno if I need to see another, it was like this was tailor made for me, doubt anything else can compare.
Do you remember last Labor Day when I did a Jerry Lewis-inspired gamer stream telethon where I raised money for “legitimate charity” by playing Batman for ZX Spectrum (The Microsoft Windows Remake) for 24 hours straight? Of course you do, I’ve been saying “I’m Batman” 300 times a day ever since. Anyway be glad I didn’t see this movie beforehand cuz this Jerry Lewis is obsessed with comics and in love with Bat Lady (wholly original character do not steal) and yes at one point he does screech “OH BAT LADY MY BAT LADY” and yes I would have alienated myself from all my friends and charity donators by imitating that non-fucking-stop. Thankfully my Bat-fever has faded some, I won’t fall into that trap now, don’t worry, I’m safe to talk to, I won’t do it. Not even once. Unless you ask me to.
Bat Lady is drawn by Martin & Lewis’ new neighbor, played Dorothy Malone from Written on the Wind (one of my favorite movies – that shot where she clutches the model derrick!!). Her friend/secretary(?)/Bat Lady model is played by Shirley MacLaine, pictured above. I have never seen a young Shirley MacLaine – yeah I’ve never seen The Apartment, so what!! I’ll get to it!! But she is very cute and charming here and also when she dressed up as Bat Lady it’s…well it’s something, it’s something for the perverts, there’s lots of foot stuff in this movie, makes me think the Looney Tunes director who ran this show really had a thing for piggies. There’s a scene where Malone gets out of the tub and walks into the bedroom wearing nothing but a towel and some high heels that was very funny, to me. Shirley gets her own slapstick musical number and Jerry really gives her the spotlight during it, it really shocked me, I don’t think the songs in this movie were very good but I did enjoy most of the performances, gotta love it.
This is from 1955, this is right after Seduction of the Innocent and the juvenile delinquency hearings and the founding of the Comics Code Authority and the American comic industry turning to absolute shit. Was surprised to see the protagonists making comics considering the climate but they’re always cracking jokes about how gruesome and harmful funny books are, the kid above is chomping down on a thumb because he’s 100% brain damaged by Bat Lady, Malone quits the book because the publisher is pressuring her to add more gore, Dean gives up on his dream of becoming a painter and swoops in to fill her shoes, he gets a huge advance and spends the remainder of the film making it rain. A cartoonist with money is maybe the most unrealistic thing I’ve ever seen in a motion picture but I didn’t let that bug me none, I got a kick out of it, I got a kick out of Dean’s character being pretty sleazy, it was pretty sick.
In my game there’s a big ol’ monument to California (which fell into the sea) and it’s been one of those locations I’ve been chipping at for years cuz it’s kinda complex and has all these movie star heads on it and also a computer (silicon valley y’know) and an old timey prospector (who can forget the “49er gold rush”) but I’m junking it all and just copying this. Jerry had a bad back and needed a massage, see, and that lead to comedic hijinks that did have me laughing. The French were right about him and everyone who mocked them is a fool. I’ll also be copying that shot of MacLaine on the phone, that’s a great office and a great pose and they’re all mine now, thanks Hollywood.
OK so Jerry and Dean are no longer starving cuz Dean stole his dreamgirl’s job and his boyfriend’s dreams: Jerry talks in his sleep and, unbeknownst to him, Dean is taking all that pillow talk and turning it into comic gold. This grants them entry to high society, where there’s a seemingly never-ending supply of hot babes wearing absurd, brightly colored outfits and I guess modern cartoonists do see that sort of thing a lot in real life due to conventions and such, but modern stuff is so tacky, unlike the looks in this movie, which are tacky but Technicolor. That makes a big difference!! Anyway success also puts Dean in the crosshairs of the Soviets? Cuz some of Jerry’s naptime nonsense turned out to be the secret formula for some kind of space-age rocket-fuel?
So the commies send Eva Gabor to seduce Dean but she settles for Jerry, who spends the climax of the film dressed like a mouse (another of Dorothy Malone’s creations). There’s also a scene where Shirley MacLaine is tied to a chair and opens a door knob with her mouth that is some real freak shit that somehow made it past the censors, pretty sure I saw a recreation of that scene in one of those “Top recommendations from Clips4Sale” digests that keep appearing in my inbox for some reason, maybe the peak bit of perversion in the entire movie, really, really something.
Wait no that was the peak, that was horrible, the rest was great though, five stars for Artists and Models, the movie that proves that comic books really are for freaks and weirdos.