It’s time for Clint’s Yearly Predictions Starring Clint. Most of my predictions from last year came true so look forward to an incredible 2018:
Mountain Dew and Doritos finally merge upon the release of of the marketing campaign for Dark Souls 4. It turns out this is the singularity we have been waiting for. All food is now either Mountain Dew or Doritos
Nintendo announces the Switch 2, a slight increase in power that is compatible with exactly 9 out of every 10 joycons, selected at random. It comes in three colors: Yoshi green, Donkey Kong brown, and Star Wolf grey. The US only gets Star Wolf
Barkley 2 comes out, but only one copy is made and Martin Shkreli buys it.
Microsoft releases a new console: The X-Car, Powered By Gamer Fuel, i.e. Red Bull i.e. Mountain Dew. It’s a car.
The Virtual Console finally comes back for the Switch. Only compatible with the Switch 2, every game costs $15 or more. There are 17 games, and the biggest seller is Wario Blast.
Death Stranding is cancelled when Mads Mikkelsen finally understands the plot and kills Kojima. As he is being arrested, his final words are “I had to do it! I’ve saved them!” He will never speak again.
The Dreamcast 2.0 comes out. It’s a rocket ship that Sega launches to the moon. Once it lands, it projects a gigantic image of Sonic’s face onto the surface of the moon. It is not visible from Earth.
VR finally goes mainstream when IKEA produces a cheap headset made from balsa wood and memory foam. The biggest game is an IKEA home decorator featuring William J. Blazkowicz