Critters! Who comes up with this stuff?
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A Jose Canseco bat? Tell me, you didnât pay money for this.
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Ninja. Vanish.
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Heh heh. Youâre claustrophobic.
Hey Iâve never even looked at another guy.
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Tell me. Do you likeâpenicillin on your pizza?
sings Taps
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WISE MAN SAY, FORGIVENESS IS DIVINE, BUT NEVER PAY FULL PRICE FOR LATE PIZZA.
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Itâs taken me probably a full decade to really fully analyze how much of my personality, sense of humor, even politics and sense of human compassion is the result of absolutely imbibing, in a way that wouldâve been reserved for something like the Bible 500 years ago, a series of movies that were considered schlock in their day (Robocop, TMNT, Ghostbusters, Die Hard).
I wonder 20 years from now what movies now-kids are going to have their revelations about.
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Something I never noticed in the first movie until the extra resolution of the Blu-ray:
When the turtles are training in the grassy countryside at Aprilâs family farm, Mikey has turned his bandana to the side and is practicing blind!
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Harry Potter. Just Harry Potter and nothing else. But theyâll already know this and theyâll also know what Wizard Frat or whatever they belong to based on the shape of their skulls
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I saw this movie in a theater with my mother. She gave me a choice between it and Back to the Future Part III. After, I misremembered and misquoted Splinters final âCowabungaâ line in a mall Sears looking for⌠some article of clothing.
Watching Secret of the Ooze at my neighbor friendâs house on VHS one day I got mad and expressed my anger by sitting on him for a moment. Then I stormed out. He told his parents that I punched him, and I got in trouble for this fictional punch not my real gravity-assisted assault.
I made my nephew a trowel a couple Christmases ago. It went with some TMNT-related garden tools my mom bought him, so I tried to theme it to his fav turtle.
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potter is such appalling classfuckery garbage
i hope weâre not any more doomed for its hegemony
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Man, I rememeber that I got this movie on VHS because local Pizza Huts had a deal where they would deliver it with your pizza and hell yeah that happened.
Also I still collect silly Donatello action figures, so that is a thing.
@shrug good uncling you are doing there.
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unfortunately, though, harry potter isnât treated as shlock. because it happened to come from prose novels, it doesnât get the same condescension that other kid franchises based on comics or videogames get. itâs seen as a good, wholesome and middle class thing for tarquin and chloe (or kayghlynn and bradstonn jr. in america) to be interested in
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idk iâll get rid of them
be real lokes no gets tarquinned any more
Remember how splinter, as a regular, ooze-free rat,; observed his owner/master training martial arts. And splinter would study and practice the movements from his cage?
Iâm gonna tell you a special story about how the art of Ninja really does cross the species barrier.
Once upon a time I grew up on a small farm. I was absolutely obsessed with anything about martial arts and/or hand to hand combat fighting. Ninjas. Samurai. Conan. He-Man. I always wanted the Ninja toys from G.I. Joe. Etc. (my 9 years older brother would sneak and let me watch Conan, Beastmaster, and 80âs Ninja movies).
Most days, I would spend hours outside, running around our 2.5 acre property, pretending to fight bad guys. Any decent sticks I could find, would become weapons. My enemies were sometimes invisible. But often, I would âfightâ various invasive plants. Thatâs right, stinging nettles, thistles, sticker bushes, blackberry vines, bracken ferns. I was always doing this. Those plants were never in short supply. It was my own real life Musou, long before I ever knew what that meant. I would pretend I was a ninja, or a Samurai, or some wayward warrior/barbarian type. and I would journey across the property. Jumping the creek. Fighting beneath the largest Alders I have ever seen. Traversing up steep hills. ducking electric fences. Hanging out in the horse barn. Going to the swamp behind our property----not technically on our property. An old building foundation also near there, hidden in a grove of trees. This was my alternate life.
Anywhere I went away from our property, I was alway scanning for sticks. The local race car track had a pretty impressive bracken fern patch. My dad liked to get to the track well early. I would go fight that bracken army until it was time to sit in the grand stands for the races. At my brotherâs baseball games, I would go to the edges of the poperty for the ball fields and find sticks and whatnot.
My mother has plenty of home video of me out on our property, doing badass moves and clearing armies of stinging nettles. So now you understand how much I was out doing this.
So, we had horses. My parents divorced when I was 4. My mom kept a female Palomino and one other horse. Eventually, she sold the other horse, to afford a fee to get her female Palomino bred to a pretty nice painted Palomino male. Our female Palomino gave birth to a male, Palomino paint with blue eyes. I was probably about 6 years old. Shortly after he was born, I am pictured with him. Me, with a large stick jammed down the back of my jacket. Sheathed like a Ninja Turtle, DUH. He was born in such company.
No more than 4 months later, the mother Palomino died suddenly, from a condition known as colick. We had no other horses. This little boy horse, grew alongside me and my mother. He was raised by people. He thought he was a person. I was outside 6 days a week. We only have 2.5 acres. So even when I wasnât near his barn and his section of the property, he could almost always see me. See me, practicing Ninja. Day after day. For probably 4 years.
He observed and he studied. And eventually, he practiced. We have home video of this horse picking up sticks with his mouth and whipping his head around. Swinging weapons, just like me. Not just once. Not some fluke. I witnessed it a few times. and my mom saw it other times, as well.
Once, he decided that he wanted to play/spar with me. So he came trotting over and swatted me in the chest with his front hooves. At this point, he was full grown. And he was an above average sized horse. If he had been trying to hurt me, my chest would have caved in. It was, for him, just a play tap. It knocked me down and took my wind. But I knew what he was doing. So I did not get upset. Although I did leave him in that moment. and I told my mom what had happened and not to worry.
So naturally, this horse ended up kinda unruly. My mom is a pretty good trainer. But, being a single mother with, for a time, 3 children under one roof; she didnât have a lot of time to train this horse. So he was partially broken (the term for a trained horse). But at the same time, a warrior spirit without a master. and without an outlet to channel his strange energy. He just wasnât really rideable and also couldnât be trusted to follow as a pack animal. I donât mean that he was crazy or dangerous. This was the misunderstood kid who had a ton of energy, who some people would send to counseling or put on sedatives.
So when he was probably about 5, my mom reluctantly sold him for cheap, to a cattle rancher in Montana. A beautiful horse, who should have been worth a lot more. But she knew that he needed more than what she had time to give. We named him Hogan, because heâs blond/yellow, like Hulk Hogan.
This rancher kept in touch with us for a few years. It turns out, Hogan just needed something to do. He loved to wrestle and herd cattle. Hulk Hogan, indeed. half hour of that and he would listen to whatever the rancher needed and he was trained for riding and packing, very quickly. He just needed somewhere to focus his energy. And that rancher said heâd never had such an energetic horse for herding.
Hogan might still be alive. He would be about 24-26, if still alive. My mother has planned an unrelated trip with my step-dad, to Wyoming and Montana this June. I hope we can regain contact with that rancher, so that she might have a chance to see Hogan again.
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My brother and I liked the âmovieâ turtles because they looked closer to the movies, duh. Particularly the third.
But you probably shouldnât look at these, if you like holding onto money:
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Mind blowing right there. Saw when it came out spending the weekend at a buddyâs place, that night as we lay trying to go to sleep still marveling at the whole thing, we couldnât help but be all âDamnâ. One hell of an introduction to angry Raph for those of us who had yet to read the original comics.
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The âDamn!â scene is also a cameo with Eastman and Laird, theyâre the cabbie/passenger in the cab that Ralph rolls over the hood of while chasing Casey Jones.
âWhat the hell was that?â
âI donât know, it looked like sort of a big turtle. In a trench coat. Hey, youâre going to LaGuardia, right?â
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Also everyone knows the real lasting impact of Secret of the Ooze was Super Shredder. Yeah he didnât really do much when you get right down to it but itâs all about the idea and he looked so goddamn cool.
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