Superman teaching his Superson to Supershave with a mirror and lasereyes but he’s still real shaky puts a hole in seven apartments.
Superlad tries to use his mom’s disposable razors wrecks every one of them on his superpeachfuzz crushes them to dust and flushes them the toilet backs up oh no!!!
Will Superspawn do a petty theft and steal replacement shavers from the corner bodega before his folks notice???
Powerless actually came on for 12 episodes. It was almost good!
God remembering the z-listers they got like Crimson Fox and Prince Evilo while they constantly talked about what Batman and Superman were doing
a. a green lantern show sounds impossible but i guess on a literal hbo budget it could happen
b. strange adventures is an adam strange show which is now the second adam strange show after Krypton which is extremely wild that this is the timeline
can’t wait for the leaked HBO exec e-mails
“we were thinking you could just reuse the dragons from GoT but color them green? the rings can make anything, but everyone loves dragons? they have trouble imagining a solution to a problem that is not a dragon? just for the first season, until we see if the show has legs?”
naw, they wouldn’t do that
…that email comes from the AT&T executives trying to reorganize in order to increase brand engagement across multiple consumer access points to leverage unique customer relationships
I got a Manifesto in an email last week, defining our new values, but, uh, more forcefully.
We believe! in increasing customer engagement through targeted and focused advertising
is the 3rd Commandment of Media Hell
you’re right, the HBO brass will be demanding at least 1.7 scenes of Space Cop Makes Giant Green Bare Human(???) Bosom(s) per episode
Went through the first four eps of The Watchmen on my friend’s Plex. It is of course not good.
There’s essentially two very different shows going on here. One is a vaguely interesting alternate history show where the Tulsa Race Massacre led to modern-day reparations in a more liberal present, and how all that looks in Oklahoma, with white supremacist groups and militias active.
The OTHER show is a sequel to The Watchmen, which is like, holy fuck is that unnecessary. So, everything is exactly as it was at the end of the book: Dr. Mahattan is still gone, the world still believes the alien invasion thing, capes are still outlawed, only now, capes are allowed if you’re police, since all police in Tulsa got attacked by white supremacists one day, which like, so we’re to imagine none of the police are white supremacists? In a hyper-polarized present where everyone bitches about the liberal oligarch? Seems super unrealistic that the police would be seen as fully in opposition to a KKK group. But, anyways, they’ve created a reason as to why all police would have face masks on all the time and drive around in like, tinted-windowed Dukes of Hazard action cars to dole out state-sanctioned vigilante punishment, which is weird because they didn’t have to go full alternate universe for that, they could’ve just taken what we have now with the militarization of the police and tweaked it slightly. Bleh.
I dunno, the big thing that bugs me is that the huge tyrannical monolithic governmental institution this time is progressive, for some reason, so you have what feels like “liberal excess” events usually shown to be negative, like excessively long trigger warnings in front of their shows, hare-brained, poorly-implemented gun control measures that get police killed constantly, a racism detector dome that uses “do you distrust the government’s story about the alien attack” as a baseline for determining if they’re racist, and seemingly, the entire concept of reparations. In the show reparations are exclusively shown as this negative thing black people are hated for by poor whites, which, that would definitely happen, but what’s the point they’re trying to make with this? Don’t white racists hate everything that can benefit black people? I keep thinking of that interview where Lindeloff where he’s like, “a presidency that long would further divide us.” Are they trying to say that reparations would be “divisive”? Who the fuck cares if it’s “divisive” when the people on the other side are KKK-style diehard racists?
So, I’m not loving the alternative history stuff, even though that is the most potentially interesting part. The OTHER part of the show, the Watchmen side, is complete shlock, on the level of like a Snyder sequel. In the fourth episode, they stop all plot progression on the main storyline and do an entire ep about Silk Spectre, who is now basically just her dad, the Comedian, only working for the FBI.
Overall the episode is awful, but there were a few things that really stuck out to me:
Silk Spectre carries with her a gigantic cage with a cloth over it, and you’re not shown what it is until the middle, at which point she’s taken the cage with her on a plane across the country to Tulsa. At one point she’s talking to an evil senator about what became of Nite Owl, who was locked up for some reason, and then she feeds a mouse to the thing in the cage, which is revealed to be AN OWL IN A CAGE. WHOA. She just carts around this metaphor for zero reason. I’m 100% positive we will never see this owl again, now that that reveal has been made.
All the police go to a funeral for a beloved cop killed because his gun would come out of the holster because of the liberals. At the door, they are all told to give their guns to the people at the gate, and there’s this sinister music being played as Silk Spectre’s gun is put into one of those buzz holsters. At the funeral, a RORSCHACH TERRORIST WITH A SUICIDE BOMB VEST ARRIVES, sneaks up on the group, reveals himself, and says “I’M WEARING A BOMB VEST. IF MY HEART STOPS, IT WILL EXPLODE. GIVE ME THE SENATOR.” And takes the senator hostage. All are still. Suddenly, Silk Spectre pulls out a hidden gun that was on her thigh and shoots him directly in the head, with an incredible shot that just barely misses the senator’s head! The terrorist falls dead. And yet… Angela checks the body, and sees a blinking light with a beep that is getting increasingly fast! Oh right, the bomb! We have one minute! Everyone flees while Angela drags the body with the bomb slowly into a grave and dumps the coffin on it. The bomb explodes harmlessly. Thank god that Silk Spectre snuck a gun into that funeral, and shot that man who said that he would instantly explode if his heart stopped!
Silk Spectre shits on heroes nonstop the entire episode, and rightly so, but it’s presented as this negative character flaw of her’s that she needs to work through. It sucks.
Silk Spectre does this utterly moronic parables the entire ep, wherein a hero goes before god for judgement, and god always sends them to hell. Here’s one example:
God’s there to decide what their eternal fate will be - heaven, or hell? Our first hero was dressed up like a big owl. And God says “I gifted you the ability to make fantastic inventions. What did you do with this amazing talent?” And Owl Guy says “I made this really awesome flying ship and lots of cool outfits and weapons so I could bring peace to the city.” And God asks “so how many people did you kill?” Owl Guy seems offended, “zero,” he says. I didn’t take a single life." God frowned, “Sorry, Owl Guy, your heart’s in the right place, but you’re just too soft.” God snaps his fingers, and the hero goes to hell."
It’s just like… fuck you. Is this supposed to be like the book or something? Ugh.
Anyways I gave up after this episode.
They’re a third of a way through their current story and so far it’s just been dropping clues for inevitable reveals with little connection to events and at the expense of their characters. It doesn’t help that the characterisation of the old guard doesn’t ring true and HBO’s genre stuff is still shot like crap.
Whatever value this may well have as a sequel to a landmark comic will only come into shape once they’ve reached the end, which is a problem considering that work was solid from beginning to end, and none of it has been promising so far.
Also, because I have to comment on it, the score doesn’t fit.
Oh god. Okay, some more, additional stuff popped up about that episode of Watchmen that got me to jump ship:
So in Ep 4 of the Watchmen, it ends with Silk Spectre taking out this armored case she’s been carrying around the entire ep. She then assembles a fucking gigantic blue dildo feat. magnetic balls, indicating that she’s still hyper thirsty for her ex ex.
https://twitter.com/jackallisonLOL/status/1193996137788669952
https://twitter.com/jackallisonLOL/status/1193996317074178048
I… I don’t know how they could possibly think Silk Spectre would crave that Dr. Manhattan D?? After their entire thing became that he didn’t know how to relate to anything about humanity anymore, and she got freaked out by his one-man threesome?
And Dr. Manhattan didn’t have like a foot-long dick?? What kind of neanderthal read that comic and thought that Silk Spectre would be obsessed with his dick for the following 30 years?? To the point that Nite Owl creates a dildo for just that need??
Holy shit these people have zero reading comprehension.
There are a lot of weird things about this season of Supergirl but one is that Noah’s Ark seems to be a real historical event that people have referenced in multiple episodes
Was Noah a… a meta???
No an alien did the flood. He’s the same guy who killed the dinosaurs and destroyed Pompeii. Earlier this season he tried to melt the icecaps but they stopped him. So far only one of Lex Luthor’s anti-Superman guns has been strong enough to even scratch him. It’s Skinner from X-Files. Also this is not even the main plot of the season
The Snyder cut is a symbol of God’s covenant with mankind
the arrowverse producers are saying that brandon routh superman is literally his superman returns character so technically there is a universe where
superman 1 > 2 > 3 > 4 happened
and a universe where superman 1 and the donner cut of 2 happened except in the 21st century > then returns > then some version of kingdom come > then COIE
i respect the madness
Does this mean Superman Returns’ baby is on the table?
It is way funnier though that they are bringing in the Tim Burton Batman universe with Robert Wuhl of all people. Judging from the nature of these cameos it really feels like outside of the Arrowverse only Brandon Routh Supes is gonna be a main character, they are probably going to have a one scene conversation with Lois and Clark from Smallville, and all the characters from Birds of Prey, Titans, Batman 66 and 89, Kevin Conroy, and whoever else might appear are just gonna like look up at the fucked up Crisis Sky and be like hmmmm for two seconds
They should be classy and bring in the 40s radio serial superman who fights the kkk
The twist on the source material the latest episode of Watchmen has introduced is objectively vile and it’s hilarious that Lindelof even though to seek Moore’s blessing on this project when he understands the material even less than Snyder did.
This is just going to turn out to be a BioShock: Infinite, huh?
My normie best friend is like “you should watch the Watchmen show you’d love it Mr Lefty Communist” and it makes me realize there is so much work left to do
Was it the twist that all the white supremacists are working on the side of the angels, or the twist that Hooded Justice has been black all along?
