I don’t even know if this is still a thing on the Switch 2, but I think requiring someone to use an adult Link Amiibo in order to get the all the adult Link contend in OoT is suitably Nintendo. Make sure to release it in very limited supplies during the holidays to complete the trick.
5 Likes
the first-pressing of game cards are coated in actual gold and unreadable
7 Likes
More time periods
Young Link
Teen Link
Adult Link
Ultra Adult Link
6 Likes
They should add a collectible card minigame. You discover it as young Link by talking to some young, hip hooligans who have set up camp nearby Kokiri Forest. If you talk to them, they give you the “Card Table” item, which is just a folding table that you can bust out anywhere to challenge people to a nice game of cards. Every NPC character and many enemies can be challenged this way. As young Link, most of your opponents have pretty easy decks to handle because the game was introduced to Hyrule relatively recently before the events of the game. If you somehow miss the Card Table item, however, you might not ever notice how obsessed the people are with cards.
When you become adult Link, you discover that the game has changed drastically in the intervening 7 years. Ganondorf has taken over the publishing of all cards, given them somewhat desirable magical effects, and made the game a grotesque, extractive, pay-to-win exercise. People are more obsessed with the game than ever, but they hate it almost as much as they love to complain about it. The Happy Mask Salesman has been reduced to the Unhappy Card Salesman. The Postman, if you ever try to battle him, cannot be beaten because he has made a habit of stealing high value cards that people send via the post.
Besides ruining the card game, there is little evidence that Ganondorf has done anything particularly evil as an evil overlord. When you finally defeat him and his tower collapses, the animation will be virtually identical to the N64 version. This will be explained by Zelda giving an offhand comment about how the castle was a literal house of cards, and that the enchantments on them are beginning to wear off. If you manage to defeat Beast Ganon in a game of cards, you unlock the secret fourth “Ganon redeemed” timeline.
13 Likes
my most realistic answer is:
Button to switch back to the old graphics, but all the UI elements, including text boxes, are still in high resolution, pissing off nobody but me
8 Likes
Ganondorf will have a dark and twisted fairy named Ivan who will do evil things like giving you bad advice, telling you that you aren’t good enough, and reading old posts you made when you were 13.
Major cutscenes will be voice 
acted 
, but standard NPC interactions will still use mere text 
boxes 
To make up for that, the script 
will be rewritten to make heavy 
use of emojis 
.
They will add a new ability that enables you to press L to levitate.
Sheik gender discourse will effectively replace the month of December this year.
10 Likes
The guy that’s crankin’ in the windmill now makes unseemly groaning noises.
7 Likes
Post game content
5 Likes
no
never post game content
5 Likes
pre game content
10 Likes
OoT musou spinoff about the Hylurean Civil War that made Link an orphan. It will include a strategy layer oddly reminiscent of Nobunaga’s Ambition.
4 Likes
hire this man
5 Likes
mid game content
9 Likes
Happy Mask Salesman is replaced with video footage of Shigeru Miyamoto
6 Likes
I want an expanded bombachu bowling alley with romance options, league play, an arcade, concessions that debuff you and occasionally terrible local bands playing hylian skacore.
10 Likes
It would be really funny if Nintendo was secretly using this remake as a testbed for the Yakuzafication of their games.
6 Likes
Zelda 64 HD explicitly removes every single connection to a larger Zelda timeline. But, if you buy an amiibo of a Fipp Shitna from another game you can add the reference back in. One reference per amiibo, priced $24.99 to $44.99, some of them do also require their associated vehicle.
5 Likes
The first time you see a deku scrub, there’s a cutscene with a 5 second closeup of Link staring at it while a slow, ominous orchestral version of the Song of Healing melody plays.
4 Likes
The Stone of Agony uses the joycon’s HD rumble to make horrible wailing sounds when you’re near a secret. Or just at random, for a little scare 
5 Likes
day one purchasable DLC that always defaults the the response to the owl explaining mechanics to you to “No”
5 Likes