let’s go around the table and introduce ourselves -
while my co conspirator and gimmick account posts about phone games and is sad all the time, here i am to talk about my latest hobby: gatchapon strategy games about anime girls on phones
if you were hoping this is a thread about the Gamecube toy-battling action game Gotcha Force you can like go read the old select button thread, here’s a link to it
now that that’s out of the way im gonna tell you all about the wild times ive been having. everybody likes fire emblem heroes? fuck fire emblem heroes. it’s great, spend some time with it during the holidays. but if i need my fire emblem fix you all know what fucked up anime teens i need to have in my life: and it’s the ones that are all sleeping with eachother
im gonna talk about a game ive been playing. im gonna spend some time with more of these games, and i’m gonna tell you all about it. the person at the party with the anime t-shirt on who wont shut up about my hero academia who has some kind of crust around the corners of their mouth. that’s not me, but with a recent full metal alchemist crossover: that’s who our first game is marketed to.
all of these fucking ridiculous phone anime strategy rpgs or god forbid the third person action ones they expect you to get your greasy churches chicken hands all over your phone for work on a simple gameplay curve: how much of the game can we possibly throw at you all at once so when you finally bottom out in terms of content you’re willing to spend money on it
videogames arent really like food or anything and they cant keep you warm in the winter but some games are sort of like a fancy dinner. desert golf is a game meant for every in between moment in your life that people possibly arent paying attention to you playing desert golf instead of listening to them
the alchemists code is meant for nobody in that situation because you cant play it at work or on the bus or the train if you live in the land of jrpg releases, its meant for playing in bed with all of the lights of or when you watch a hit new anime on crunchy roll dot com for the low price of like what ten dollars a month or something listen they have all of Space Adventure Cobra (this post sponsored by crunchyroll dot com)
this is what the menu screen of alchemists code looks like and oh god its giving me flashbacks to nexon mmorpgs from 2008 please put the bullet in me already
also i couldn’t capture the entire menu because it scrolls several inches to the left with even more buttons. when you first load up the game you get tons of screens where anime girls promise you log in bonuses: you get tons of items you don’t even know the purpose of. you do this for several minutes because they just keep coming at you
there is no tutorial
i have sank several hours into this game
also oh if you’re unfamiliar with Gatchapon games, basically they’re Fire Emblem Heroes style of party building. you get a limited amount of / or have to shell out your fast food employee $$$ for crystal gems to get anime girls and anime boys and edward elrics of all sizes
alchemists code offers a story mode, a challenge tower, individual characters that have individual story maps, pvp maps i think, hard modes of regular maps and all kinds of shit. you get a lot of characters really early and tons of buttons that do things
here’s riza hawkeye promising physical violence if thats your kink
alchemists code is kind of worth checking into because it plays like an on the go version of final fantasy tactics, if your on the go time is nowhere and never. it at the very least borrows the height mechanic from those games where ranged characters can just fucking own everyone on a lower terrain than they are jesus CHRIST.
if you die in the game you dont really get penalized. i am convinced the people making these games dont believe in failure states
the alchemist code gets a 0/5 because all of the character art has big honkin titties even when it’s innapropriate
