Games You Played Today Classic Mini


In honor of DOA 6 I’m playing DOA Venus Vacation. That’s the beach volleyball free to play game that’s only available in Japan. I’m holding the Google translate app on my phone to the screen and the translation is just so hilariously useless. It translates the text in real time through your phone’s camera but it can’t make up its mind, it keeps switching between translations. So you get some absolute random comedy gold at times. I can’t really transfer the experience through words, it’s bizarre.

Like why is Japanese such a hard language to translate into English? Automatic translation works so well for romance languages but it just all breaks down as soon as you try to translate anything Asian. The gulf between cultures has never been wider I tell you. At least back in the day you just thought, well, these people speak a different language with different words but they’re probably not all that different from us. It’s just different words and different sounds for the same things. But with broken translation like that you think what even are these people and how do they make sense of the world.

Nyotengu’s name cycles between these translations for example: food, emperor, woman braggart, log

Now I think some of those are caused by the camera picking up stuff incorrectly but that’s just hella funny to me. And you can be damn sure that I’ll pick woman braggart for my elite beach volleyball team


Thinking I’m going to leave zelda for the time being, I mean I love this game but idk if I want to play the literal dozens more hours I want to play of this game on someone else’s console bc it’s making me feel like I need to play this as much as humanly possible before they ask for it back. Like I said it wouldn’t be too much to finish the main quest but it really seems like an excuse to visit each corner of the map more than anything. So like, maybe next time I pick this up I’ll start w/ the other half of the map I haven’t seen yet.

I mean the pseudo dungeons are neat but every time there’s a cutscene I’m just like ok when is this over. Idk I’m a bit of a dungeon hater, but that said maybe they should make a zelda that takes place entirely in one megadungeon.

Breath of the wild cutscenes just make me think about how absolutely impeccably framed and animated every smt nocturne cutscene is, which is something I feel like I always talk about and no one else ever mentions. I can’t really think of another game that good in that regard, not even digital devil saga.

if they ever port it they will fuck up the framing and I will care way more than anyone else is humanly capable of

16:9 ports of 4:3 games are bad and just as much consideration should be given here as is to movies imo


No clear separator between words, kanji become harder to disambiguate from a distance than the more simple Roman alphabet (specifically for real-time photo translation), and words can/are often omitted if they can be implied from the context (a sentence can just be a verb if the subject can be implied from established context, which translation software is generally unable to keep tabs on)

There are more reasons like this, and also the machine learning approach to modern translation is dubious and doesn’t really work for CJK languages


Thanks, that makes sense. I knew about kanji having different meanings depending on context but I thought if it just cycles through all the most likely combinations it’s gonna get it right eventually. But no, that’s seemingly not how it works. It didn’t translate a single sentence of the girls’ dialog into something that made even remote sense. Except for “excuse me” I couldn’t make out a single thing and that was a useless translation because I knew that much Japanese myself. When it came to describing game features it was slightly more helpful, I could at least figure out what the buttons do before I clicked them. It’s just shocking to me that it couldn’t translate a single line of dialog. We’ve got a long way to go.

DOA Venus Vacation is more depressing than I thought it would be. And I say that as someone who’s used to porn games. But yeah, this, this I can’t play


Been posting on Discord lately so I’ve forgotten to share some stuff!

DOA6 - Hmm it’s DOA, but maybe a less impressive package overall than the PS4 DOA5? They changed the Hold system a bit, though you can swap back to the old one.

Real fun to try to select a character on the select screen, read “you do not own the license for this character,” and find out the only way to get them is to have bought the $79 Digital Deluxe edition. A real “enjoy your physical media, sucker!” move.

Oh and there’s a $92 season pass for 62 costumes (not including all future costume packs that will come out during this season - you gotta buy those separately) and not one, but two characters. Hot damn.

I also played some Driveclub, kinda on a whim. It’s…not bad? It’s not very exciting, but holy shit, turn on a bunch of weather effects and race at night in a downpour with lighting striking, and it’s something else.


(eta: caveat that the game actually looks better than this. i was using the debug mode which, for whatever reason, doesn’t apply all of the shaders to the models so they look a bit worse than usual)


Games I Did Not Play Today: Artifact

As a jobless degenerate trader, I survived an 84% bitcoin decline throughout 2018 with a smile on my face and livable profits secured by the end… and I still was not emotionally prepared to handle Artifact’s utter astonishing failure. It’s been 40 days since Valve did or said anything, we have nothing to go on for their plans for the game and responses to criticism other than “we’re in it for the long haul”, and every plausible-seeming day on the calendar I get worked up with anticipation that today might be the day they finally drop the patch and save the game somehow!!… and Valve Time continues to pass in silence.

I don’t even know how they could save the game at this point other than literally paying people to play it, which frankly could happen.

It’s a reality check that bounced. I doubled down and bought another full playset around $75 and it continues to plunge.

I enjoy playing the game every now and then though!

edit: hype for next month’s Hearthstone set rotation too! I’m gonna invent my own top-tier deck finally and watch it go meta!

edit 2: oh yeah, and this happened: Richard Garfield (the game’s designer) is no longer at Valve

pretty normal for contract work but this quote just slays me


Don’t worry, bitcoin is going to explode again soon. I read it on the internet so it must be true

Artifact on the other hand…

You know how valve is, they aren’t exactly the masters of communication


i played some of the alpha build of a game called Satisfactory which is going for the “factorio but first-person and in 3d space” market. it was a lot of wandering around a green and verdant field and then walking up to grey imposing desks and grinders in order to open grey imposing UI elements to put stuff in. i did like the little cartoon intro they had but the vaguely omnipresent “isn’t colonialism funny” angle that it has is kinda wearing. the designs of the creatures were cool though. kinda ferret-armadillos and big walking walrus bodies on long thin legs. made me reluctant to zap them with the first item the game gives you, a cattle-prod-lookin-thing called the “xeno zapper”. writing not its strong point. gameplay could be interesting though! depends if i ever go back to it or not.


I’ve seen this described as Subnautica + Factorio




It’s latent in Factorio itself, although that game quietly has a much more nuanced take on it. Factorio leaves open “funny” as only one possible attitude players may take to clear-cutting forests using grenades and then killing the natives after they dare to get angry about it. It doesn’t have any text about it and just lets the theme emerge from the mechanics, incentives and aesthetics.

Here’s one things the Factorio devs have recently posted about biters. I also suspect the resemblance to Starship Troopers aliens is deliberate.


it would be cool if there was a sim / building game like this where instead of playing the colonizing / industrializing / harvesting force you were in control of some kind of sentient spirit of nature that could like command plants and animals to turn up and wreck shit, reclaim the land

trying to think of some kind of game systems based around natural processes rather than like putting different geometric shapes together would also be pretty cool


Dungeon Keeper, kinda?

From Dust?


There’s a board game called Spirit Island that I think is exactly this. I’d really like to try it sometime, looks pretty cool.


yeah, dungeon keeper except with plant vines growing into gears and like squirrels biting people in the butt and stuff


hey play Waking Mars its a game about learning alien ecologies and nurturing life


My partner pointed out when I linked her that Factorio blog post that it reminded her of Princess Mononoke.

For that matter, the majority of Ghibli films vaguely circle a “revenge of nature/tradition/the ancient” theme in some form. Although only in the earliest Ghibli films (Nausicaa and Laputa) does nature actually win – nature barely clings to existence in the margins in every film starting from Totoro. I guess that means Miyazaki, in a way, got more and more cynical over time in his true message at the same time as he moved away from the surface-level darkness of Nausicaa.


oh yeah in my version of this game the big morality choice at the end would be do you send down the gigantic elk god or swarm of gargantuan armored insects to destroy all vestiges of humanity, or do you let human civilization continue in some kind of hunter gatherer fashion in harmony with the world

it would be great


That’s kind of just inverting the aesthetic coding of the colonizing game though, right?

There are quite a few games that position humans as victims of beings with different values: Universal Paperclips, Katamari Damacy, Goat Simulator and many Godzilla and Martian-invasion themed games. Of those, Goat Simulator and Godzilla games are the ones that don’t project Western civilization behavior onto alien beings, because A) they behave according to strange whims rather than a maximalist agenda, and B) like nature’s real-life disasters, they kill individuals and then withdraw.

Another twist on this that might avoid anthropomorphizing (or “capitalomorphizing”) nature would be a post-apocalyptic gardening game. Humanity has wiped itself out and the player’s task is to overgrow the ruins over hundreds of years.