Bottom Line Reviews


#161

Musou games are the video game equivalent of listening to a sad song when you’re sad


#162

Kirby: Canvas Curse is ”Stylusshock! Now is time to the Li-ion battery on fire Touch! Kirby for DualScreeners custom”


#163

Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of Dana is "spring break in JRPG form."

Curse (MD) is "the vidcon equivalent of being tone-deaf, but still getting up on stage and singing your heart out."

Yakuza 6: The Song of Life is "knowing when to hold 'em and knowing when to fold 'em."

The House in Fata Morgana is "aggressive, unrelenting empathy."

The Witcher Enhanced Edition is "working days as a facilitator, working nights as a janitor, and all with a car that barely runs."

Panzer Dragoon Saga is "opening the door to the world of your dreams glimpsed only through windows, smiling, and then quietly closing it."


#164

finally some REAL bottom lines in this drought


#165

Pilotwings 64 is "Crying when you get a 97 on a test."


#166

Donkey Kong Country Blizzard Blast or whatever is searching for your glasses while they’re on your face, also your house is on fire


#167

New Funky Mode: Ice Cream Enthusiasm is your new girlfriend dragging you to an anarchists’ working group that you actually end up enjoying.


#168

New Funky Mode: Alpine Snow is a hamburger settling into the stomach of a child who’s spent the entire day eating glue.


#169

New Funky Mode: Glacier Freeze is seeing a free concert at the zoo and noticing the almost imperceptible rhythmically nodding head of a rhinocerous in the peripheral distance.


#170

New Funky Mode: Riptide Rush is coming across the cheap bamboo flute you bought from a souvenir shop ten years ago and giving it a tentative blow, causing a single live ant to tumble out the end of it.


#171

myst is “a sokoban with fog of war.”


#172

marvel vs capcom infinite is mortal kombat annihilation: the movie: the game


#173

Ace Combat 7: Skies Unknown is “Universal UAVs” (****).


#174

Destiny 2 is “crushing the rush at your high school job on nights and weekends.”


#175

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is extremely interested in rewarding me for looking at rocks. (****)


#176

Donut County is “an aspiring screenwriter’s treatment for a tom nook origin story.”