Bottom Line Reviews

CourierRice · July 1, 2018, 12:30pm

finally some REAL bottom lines in this drought

Rudie · July 4, 2018, 11:10am

Pilotwings 64 is "Crying when you get a 97 on a test."

VastleCania · July 5, 2018, 5:22am

Donkey Kong Country Blizzard Blast or whatever is searching for your glasses while they’re on your face, also your house is on fire

OneSecondBefore · July 5, 2018, 5:38am

New Funky Mode: Ice Cream Enthusiasm is your new girlfriend dragging you to an anarchists’ working group that you actually end up enjoying.

OneSecondBefore · July 5, 2018, 5:52am

New Funky Mode: Alpine Snow is a hamburger settling into the stomach of a child who’s spent the entire day eating glue.

OneSecondBefore · July 5, 2018, 5:58am

New Funky Mode: Glacier Freeze is seeing a free concert at the zoo and noticing the almost imperceptible rhythmically nodding head of a rhinocerous in the peripheral distance.

OneSecondBefore · July 5, 2018, 6:02am

New Funky Mode: Riptide Rush is coming across the cheap bamboo flute you bought from a souvenir shop ten years ago and giving it a tentative blow, causing a single live ant to tumble out the end of it.

loki · January 11, 2019, 7:15pm

marvel vs capcom infinite is mortal kombat annihilation: the movie: the game

sponkmonkey · January 27, 2019, 3:53pm

Ace Combat 7: Skies Unknown is “Universal UAVs” (****).

doolittle · January 27, 2019, 7:31pm

Destiny 2 is “crushing the rush at your high school job on nights and weekends.”

VastleCania · January 31, 2019, 4:46pm

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is extremely interested in rewarding me for looking at rocks. (****)

doolittle · February 22, 2019, 12:22am

Donut County is “an aspiring screenwriter’s treatment for a tom nook origin story.”

VastleCania · May 17, 2019, 6:48pm

Katamari Damacy is Marie Kondo asking the question “does this spark joy” 2,000 times in a row and the answer is always “yes” (****)

VastleCania · May 20, 2019, 9:13pm

Hitman is reading an Agatha Christie novel backwards. {***1/2)

OneSecondBefore · May 20, 2019, 9:32pm

Monster Hunter World is a job application for the position of "Having Fun"

VastleCania · July 9, 2019, 7:08pm

VVVVVV is Sonic Mania for the ZX Spectrum (****)

ferrets · August 12, 2019, 6:42am

The Hidden: Source
“you’re basically predator and you fight cops”

ellaguro · August 16, 2019, 12:41am

What Remains of Edith Finch is Oscar Bait: The Videogame Edition (1/2*)
Super Mario Odyssey is Mario: The Mario Chronicles (**1/2)
Deus Ex is the videogame industry’s collective nervous breakdown (****)

BustedAstromech · August 16, 2019, 12:46am

I want to undersign the Edith Finch review like 5 times

Rudie · August 25, 2019, 11:34am

Child of Eden is “A PSA that the internet is a great place to look at pretty girls.”