Bottom Line Reviews


Divinity: Original Sin 2 is the opposite of Having it Your Way at Burger King
Divinity: Original Sin 2 is a well-oiled machine in someone else’s house emitting the sounds of a Civil War era battle
Divinity: Original Sin 2 is walking in on your parents having a quiet, urgent discussion only for them to stop talking as soon as you enter the room



Divinity: Original Sin 2 is a game where you can fuck a sentient, immortal skeleton man (**************************************************************)


Sweet Home is the Yume Koujou: Doki Doki Panic of survival horror.


Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy is QWOP’s successor, Mother 3.

Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy is the anti-Skyward Sword.





Planetoid Pioneers is “Getting Over SOMA”




80s overdrive is a beautiful-looking game that needs more friction and less numbers


Street Fighter V is Arksys’ victory over Capcom.

DragonBall FighterZ is Arksys rubbing salt into the wound.


Super Stardust Ultra is a pretty good net yaroze game


Castlevania: Symphony of the Night is ”when a band releases their seventh album and it’s a double LP song cycle containing allegorical references to their own career. Also they hired an orchestra”


The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is… the act of picking up a discarded branch after a rainstorm and stirring up the musty leaves, moss, and water that have collected in a hole in a stump.


Crackdown is cookie clicker in the shape of gta3
Crackdown is, or could be, cop morrowind


Bloodborne is…

stepping in dog shit on the way to a networking event at a sculptor’s convention.


but… the dog shit is haunted


Factorio is the tremendously sad feeling of realizing that eating all of those donuts is going to clog up your arteries in your old age and there’s nothing you can do about it now


Final Fantasy XII is fully automated luxury final fantasy


Final Fantasy XII is what made me want to learn AppleScript.


the last guardian is climbing a rickety ladder to your aunt’s attic room as a child while your cat scrambles past the other way

I love this game so much