Bottom Line Reviews




Soul Reaver is Vampire Indiana Jones vs. Cthulhu (**1/2)


Bloodborne is “more blood for the blood god”



very jealous of that writer’s career


Wolfenstein: The New Order is a poet gone to war
DOOM (2016) is an exhaustive love letter tattooed into the knuckles


Kero Blaster is “better than science – it’s math.”


Final Fantasy XV is Kingdoms Hearts 3 ~Parts 6 of 10~


Silent Hill: The Shattered Memories is “a psychiathrist’s wet dream but also his worst nightmare” (****)


Beyond: Two Souls is connect the dots, two dots at a time. (**)


pac-land is track and field with enemies and death pits

final fantast type-0 hd is all your nostalgia for the ps2


Bloodborne is picking a scab until the wound reopens, and finding it perversely satisfying (****)

Night in the Woods is a public apology, read aloud, at your college reunion (****)

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is an endless Saturday morning with a bottomless bowl of cereal (****)


PLAYERUNKNOWN’S BATTLEGROUNDS is playing a Game Boy underneath your blankets when you’re supposed to be asleep and trying not to get caught by your parents (****)

PLAYERUNKNOWN’S BATTLEGROUNDS’ title is highly offensive to my old, graying eyes (*)


Clustertruck is acting out your roadtrip-backseat day dreams (***)


pocket fighter is like learning a new language that consists only of A, B and C ()
okami is a rendezvous with someone that you didn’t even remember the existence of (


final fantasy XIII is games for airports (***)

el shaddai is the dream of ffXIII’s lightning upon falling asleep while pondering the existence of god (***)


minna de puyo puyo is equal parts learning speed-reading and brazilian jiu-jitsu (****)

super mario 64 is trampolines (****)

super street fighter iv is feeling full on bad food (*1/2)

payday 2 is having to consider when it’s the best moment to snatch sweets from the table at a children’s birthday party as an adult and feeling weird and giggly while doing it (**1/2)

elevator action returns is close-quarters-rock-paper-scissors (***1/2)

drakengard is a game-mechanism (***)


spartan x is a game that makes me want to make games


ARMS is Oops! All Dhalsims


Breakdown is “Virtua Halflife”