Bottom Line Reviews

King of Posters
88

Soul Reaver is Vampire Indiana Jones vs. Cthulhu (**1/2)

89

Bloodborne is “more blood for the blood god”

90
2 Likes
91

very jealous of that writer’s career

92

Wolfenstein: The New Order is a poet gone to war
DOOM (2016) is an exhaustive love letter tattooed into the knuckles

1 Like
94

Final Fantasy XV is Kingdoms Hearts 3 ~Parts 6 of 10~

2 Likes
95

Silent Hill: The Shattered Memories is “a psychiathrist’s wet dream but also his worst nightmare” (****)

96

Beyond: Two Souls is connect the dots, two dots at a time. (**)

3 Likes
97

pac-land is track and field with enemies and death pits

final fantast type-0 hd is all your nostalgia for the ps2

2 Likes
98

Bloodborne is picking a scab until the wound reopens, and finding it perversely satisfying (****)

Night in the Woods is a public apology, read aloud, at your college reunion (****)

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is an endless Saturday morning with a bottomless bowl of cereal (****)

8 Likes
99

PLAYERUNKNOWN’S BATTLEGROUNDS is playing a Game Boy underneath your blankets when you’re supposed to be asleep and trying not to get caught by your parents (****)

PLAYERUNKNOWN’S BATTLEGROUNDS’ title is highly offensive to my old, graying eyes (*)

2 Likes
100

Clustertruck is acting out your roadtrip-backseat day dreams (***)

101

pocket fighter is like learning a new language that consists only of A, B and C ()
okami is a rendezvous with someone that you didn’t even remember the existence of (*)

1 Like
102

final fantasy XIII is games for airports (***)

el shaddai is the dream of ffXIII’s lightning upon falling asleep while pondering the existence of god (***)

3 Likes
103

minna de puyo puyo is equal parts learning speed-reading and brazilian jiu-jitsu (****)

super mario 64 is trampolines (****)

super street fighter iv is feeling full on bad food (*1/2)

payday 2 is having to consider when it’s the best moment to snatch sweets from the table at a children’s birthday party as an adult and feeling weird and giggly while doing it (**1/2)

elevator action returns is close-quarters-rock-paper-scissors (***1/2)

drakengard is a game-mechanism (***)

3 Likes
104

spartan x is a game that makes me want to make games

105

ARMS is Oops! All Dhalsims

9 Likes
106

Breakdown is “Virtua Halflife”

3 Likes
107

Let It Die is Japanese VHS Nethack

5 Likes
108

@108’s video on playerunknown’s battlegrounds is full of bottom-line reviews, much like the famed old god hand review video

(my favorite is probably PLAYERUNKNOWN’S BATTLEGROUNDS is a boardgame you play in the dark)

8 Likes