Bottom Line Reviews


Gears of War: Judgement is Gears of War fanfiction from Poland


Cibele is all the voyeuristic truth I craved in adolescence steeped in all the self-reflection I’ve come to dread as an adult.


Watch Dogs is the Shadow the Hedgehog of Ubisoft Sandbox Games


Enter the Gungeon is a happier Isaac. Not the Binding of Isaac character, the Deadspace Isaac Clarke. (*** 1/2)


Street Fighter V is about as refined as actual street fighting (**1/2)


[I]Dino Crisis 2[/I]Is meeting a new friend just when they become unrecognizable to the people they know


Final Fantasy Legend II is an immigrant from 1995. (****)


Alan Wake is The Stephen King Simulator


Does Alan get hit by a van while jogging, or just do shitton of coke? I need to know what era of King we are dealing with here.


you play a douchebag author that hates his own celebrity so the first diner he goes into has a cardboard standee of him sitting in plain sight.


Spoiler ending then is when he finds coke and doesn’t remember writing Cujo then?


There are allusions to parties and angry inanimate objects are regular obstacles so it’s a bit both columns.

Oh and the weird moonshine scene.


Finally confirmation I didn’t hallucinate this.



maybe he doesn’t hate his celebrity so much as secretly feel it’s undeserved, since, if the writing of the game is actually aware of itself (unlikely, this is just me talking), he’s a fucking awful writer. The collectible manuscript is atrociously bland.


of games most recently played,

Undertale is fond memories of your high school anime club (***1/2)
Grim Fandango (Remastered) is the good old days, if they were actually good (**)
Momodora IV: Reverie Under the Moonlight is IGAvania monster girls getting the respect they deserve (1/2)
Final Fantasy V is a mathematician’s delight (
Dragon’s Dogma: Dark Arisen is Rockstar’s DnD campaign (***)


Burnout Paradise is where good cars go when they die (***1/2)

(cross-posting from my Burnout Paradise thing, for posterity.)


Street Fighter IV is the Wind Waker of Street Fighter games

Street Fighter V is the Twilight Princess of Street Fighter games


DooM is a million years of this dirty orange perk-ridden grindstep shit

thanks @brooks


The Witness is a lovingly crafted waste of your time (**1/2)