Bottom Line Reviews

The 7th Stand User is OH! MY! GOD! ()
Monster Hunter Freedom is waiting for a dragon to land, forever (
Monster Hunter Freedom Unite is a boxing match with Godzilla (
Crimson Shroud is holding on by your teeth (
Mother is the sheer joy and terror of being a child (1/2)
Metro 2033 is being aware of your breathing (
Metro: Last Light is a war you can sit through (*1/2)

last light is pretty shit, I bought both that and dragon age inquisition – a buy one, get one special on indulgences in the church of microsoft excel (*) – on the basis of mostly liking their predecessors and wanting something to play on my PS4 and I really regret both.

Last Light is not anywhere as good as the first one, but I’ll defend it for the mine-cart section because that bit was super cool.

I also like the boat section in Half-Life 2 tho

The minecart section is mostly ruined once you realize that the damage you take isn’t from enemies, but just arbitrary hits the game makes you take. I learned this while 100%ing the game, and you just have to hammer syringes to make it through on harder difficulties.

There’s a mountain of problems with that game. :confused:

Xenoblade Chronicles is walking to the anime convention (**)
Dragon’s Dogma is the anti-Bioshock (****)

Mushihimesama Futari is unconscious spiritual transmigration (****)
Gigawing is mathematical hubris gone mad (**1/2)

Project X Zone is large-scale LARPing at an anime convention (**)

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titanfall is “the highlight-reel machine we have been waiting for” (****)

castlevania: symphony of the night is “flâneur with not-so-comfortable clothing" (**)

dragon age: origins is “LARPing with your grandma in the room” (zero stars)

chrono cross is “about the architecture of a moment worth remembering” (***1/2)

ikaruga is “as close to contemporary dance as it gets” (****)

i sort of did that already! it’s in portuguese, though.

I’m really interested in that opinion! But can’t speak portuguese. And google translate is not helping.

Hotline Miami 2 broke everything that made the first game work, and didn’t change anything else. It baffles me. I don’t understand how/why Cactus made it. I feel like I have missed something about it.


don’t blame him, but I wasn’t ever gonna play it

to be fair cactus has always had a troubled relationship with the idea of a polished, complete product. the original hotline miami could easily be thought of as his magnum opus as it was almost the first time he made something that wasn’t a prototype, but there was no reason to think he could repeat that (nor should he)

final fantasy XII: lightning returns is Watching the end of the world through a store window at midnight.

Hexyz Force is Trying to remember the difference between Final Fantasy Tactics and inebriation

Resident Evil Revelations 2 is watching a Korean soap opera produced by the Syfy channel

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oh well, it ultimately boils down to my affect for weird sequels. but to elaborate:

hotline miami 2 is a weird game, though it may not look like one after having played the first. it’s a game that cares about having a story and characters; it cares about being about something. coming from the first game’s collage of setpiece-boxes with nothing but feverish dreams for connection, that’s quite something.

and, of course, hotline miami 2 is also a crazed, punk rock allucination. but for caring to much with Narrative (as convoluted it is in terms of traditionality), it may feel like a slog by default to a lot of people. because the way it show its care is by having constrictions. you /have/ to use fire weapons and you /have/ to play certain stages as certain characters. and there are fewer abilities and more people.

i like that. i don’t care the reasoning for why it is that way or even for the making of the game; it exists. i also don’t give a shit about the “lore” of the “characters” (fifty blessings-who?). i admire hotline miami 2 as a game that stands out for the sake of being itself on its own terms.

while the first one was a toy box in which you could try so many combinations of play-styles eventually most players ended up feeling comfortable using solemnly one or two masks the whole time, the second forces you to go to the edge of skill and ability with each of a pre-selected list of variables. by the end of various playthroughs beating your past records, you realize you are better in a much broader sense.

and that’s not even to say i like it better; i’ll pick the first one most of the time if i just want to hang out. but geez, what a glorious mess of engineering murder machines and journalists that unload guns and fat guys who wield shotguns sideways with only one hand.

I respect that on paper but do not think HM2 lived up to that promise?

The characters don’t radically change gameplay in HM2. The journalist is just a melee character, and most of the extra abilites (dodgeroll, shooting with two guns) have extremely limited use. The only exception are the swans, who trivialize the very few levels they’re in.

The high difficulty does make the game methodical instead of instinctive, but this has the unfortunate consequence of making the (amazing) soundtrack not fit the mood at all anymore. Murdertrance time is over, but the graphics and music don’t reflect it.

Oh and. I played on Vita, because the HM1 port worked fine.
Bad idea man.

MGS2 was subversive by telling its fanbase to fuck off about Solid Snake. HM1 already told its fanbase to fuck off for caring about its story, so HM2 is subversive by actually saying that no wait it actually matters? This is interesting but I have no idea what’s the point.

i find the abilites pretty useful on the way they are put! dodge-rolling, more specificaly, was a key part on some of the funniest moments of my playthroughs. i understand that a character like the journalist is just a melee one, but the fact there’s such a silly ingrained reason for that is really appealing to me.

that’s an interesting way to put it!

not sure it makes sense, but i am somewhat naturally inclined to think of the two hotline miami games as products that don’t make any statements at all. like, people seemed to freak out with the whole “do you like hurting people” thing and how critical it was, and i admire a lot of writing made because of that, but it never seemed pungent enough of an argument to dwell about for long? that’s why hotline miami 2’s attempt to do something with their characters never bothered me.

Just Cause 2 is State Sponsored Terrorism DLC for Commuting Simulator 2010 (**)


Undertale is a homemade bottle rocket that reaches the end of the universe


Sunless Sea is the game you threw out, but saved its manual


Persona 3 is getting your life together
Persona 3: The Answer is babysitting your coworkers

Just remembered one I thought of like two weeks ago and forgot.

Hotline Miami is Charlie Manson’s Rhythm Tengoku