Bottom Line Reviews

Merge incoming, then.

EDIT: And merge completed. Did I duplicate posts? Maybe so?!

my review of MGSV also comes with a (***) rating

I read Pale Fire because of SB (thanks BTW), so now I have to play the game SB compared to it twice even if I’m not sure they were doing so in a flattering way… thanks SB!

Zone of the Enders: The 2nd Runner (****) is "Hideo Kojima’s Mecha Anime: The OVA"
PT is “a last gasp in purgatory”

Smash Bros is a serious debate that breaks out in a joke thread


Persona 4 is babysitting for lonely adults (**)


posted these in the old place, but here they are again!

metal warriors is “that joke your annoying friend always tells about airsoft being for kids” (**)

kane & lynch 2: dog days is “not fired, it quits” (****)

god hand is “‘the old man and the sea’ inadvertently in the list of bestselling children’s books” (****)

okami is “squinting at a painting” (**)

castlevania: aria of sorrow is “like tasting the most delicious snack from a cartoon” (****)

assassin’s creed: revelations is “lying” (1/2)

arcus odyssey is “saying it knows what’s best for you” (***)

transistor is “being old enough to enjoy silence right after a shower” (****)

rhythm tengoku is “what they want you to believe show business was like in the 20’s” (****)

god of war is “an (terrifying) ideal” (*)

god of war is “probably a good idea for an internet profile picture, right?” (*)

halo: combat evolved is “the cyberpunk future’s most popular augmented reality software” (***1/2)

demon’s souls is “like throwing a bowling ball in a particularly nice pool” (****)

dragon quest ii is “not as good as the first one, but then again: so are most videogames” (****)

bulkslash is “a game i made up in my head as a kid” (***)

lufia 2: rise of the sinistrals is “The Internet Person’s Guide to stop saying things are ‘badly’ or ‘well’ written without knowing what that means” (****)

gunstar heroes is “sometimes the only videogame that has ever existed” (***1/2)

red dead redemption is “a game where dirt is supposed to be dirt” (****)

popful mail is “why we should pay attention to detail and, consequently, why i need an aspirin right now” (**)

valkyria chronicles is “too good to be true” (****)

heart of darkness is “the caliginous corners of nostalgia” (**1/2)


oh and a few others:

shining force ii is “munching numbers, cracking knuckles” (**1/2)

journey is “a toy from the days of Old” (****)

dark souls 2 is “Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Old Lords” (**)

skyrim is “A.D.D” (*1/2)

Metal Gear Solid: Revengeance is outgrowing childish ways (****)

Luftrausers is reaching dizzying heights Hitler always sought but never reached (***)

Pixel Piracy is bumping uglies together in a hot, sweaty sea (*1/2)

Sproggiwood is OH GOD IT’S EVERYWHERE (**1/2)

TowerClimb is at the bottom of the Marianas trench (***)

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The Binding of Isaac is “an autobiography of a kleptomaniac” (**)

Alpha Protocol is “every lie BioWare ever told you come true, writ large” (***)

Chrono Trigger is an AAA game from 1995 (**1/2)

Drakengard is Cookie Clicker except serious (***)

Hotline Miami 2 is that game somebody on select button will write an essay about in 5 years and everybody will see how great it actually was and how we all missed the point. maybe (zero stars)

Shin Megami Tensei Nocturne is having nobody like your Facebook profile picture and managing to not care about it (****)

Dark Souls II is a game that’s going to make you type “dark souls 2 sex change glitch” on Google, 5 hours in (****)

Rocket League is sports for nerds.

Ranko Tsukigime’s Longest Day is The Grasshopper Manufacture I remember.

Journey is video games ARE TOO art (**)

XCOM: Enemy Unknown is “melting your favorite action figure with a magnifying glass” (****)

Saints Row 2 is my favorite version of Princess Maker yet (***)

I could meditate under ten thousand waterfalls and not conjure up a videogame opinion that resonated less with my experience of a thing.

I’ve played every Smash game with at least some degree of seriousness and even to the extent that I ever gained familiarity with higher level play I would still describe the friction between desired and actual result of on-screen action and the intuitiveness thereof as being the "Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater of fighting game controls." (???1/2)

Mario Paint’s “Coffee Break” mode is Fruit Ninja: The Shmup

Papers, Please is Starcraft in purgatory ()
Chivalry: Medeival Warfare is EEEEYAHHH!!! RRRAAAAAHHHH!!! (**)
Goat Simulator is being left in an ice cream parlor overnight (
Grand Theft Auto IV is a disturbing dream you had about Grand Theft Auto III (


Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate is dinosaur-dragons in fractal spirals (*)
Crypt of the Necrodancer is the possibility-space hemp fandango (*** 1/2)
One-Way Heroics is not enough light (

Mugen is a few new facts in one last glimpse back at everyone else’s indefinite pasts (**)