Monster Hunter is Big Nintendogs.
Battle Garegga is going to corncob you.
(ty @synth)
Say No More is a zero hours contract stressball from the people who brought you The Lego Movie
SaGa Frontier is the game of all time
DOOM is a bullet hell inside a kart racer inside a pinball machine
Bloodstained Ritual of the Night is a burgundy velvet fainting couch with flaking gold leaf accents that smells like 100 years of incense
Undertale is peering over the shoulder of a maniacal genius as they sketch out and toss aside a dozen brilliant ideas per minute
Tactical Nexus is finding a needle in a haystack but it’s the wrong haystack and the needle isn’t the right color
Half-Life 2 Deathmatch is a linear graph representing the axes visual acuity and murder
Doorkickers Action Squad is the most accurate Cop Simulator
Resident Evil Village is watching Eraserhead on basic cable with commercials
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes is getting into a sleek, shiny sports car only to find an aeroplane cockpit’s worth of switches and dials to manage any time you want to go somewhere in it
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes is the only wrong use for the color purple.
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes is your first bout of depression in adolescence, before you knew what it was.
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes is is a loading screen sandwich and persistent damage is the bread
Dragon’s Dogma is FIFA Baldur’s Gate
Metroid Prime 3: Corruption is receiving the most luxurious full body massage of your life yet still feeling short-changed because you thought you were at a gym
Ghosts n’ Goblins is Dark Souls for people who have never played Dark Souls but say a game is like Dark Souls.
Metroid Prime 3: Corruption is a cheap airport thriller written by Master Chief’s dad