Bottom Line Reviews

Monster Hunter is Big Nintendogs.

8 Likes

Battle Garegga is going to corncob you.

(ty @synth)

2 Likes

Super Mario Bros. 3 is Dr. Seuss’s “On Beyond Zebra!” to Super Mario Bros."The Alphabet"

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8 Likes

Say No More is a zero hours contract stressball from the people who brought you The Lego Movie :tm:

4 Likes

SaGa Frontier is the game of all time

5 Likes

DOOM is a bullet hell inside a kart racer inside a pinball machine

7 Likes

Bloodstained Ritual of the Night is a burgundy velvet fainting couch with flaking gold leaf accents that smells like 100 years of incense

6 Likes

Undertale is peering over the shoulder of a maniacal genius as they sketch out and toss aside a dozen brilliant ideas per minute

4 Likes

Tactical Nexus is finding a needle in a haystack but it’s the wrong haystack and the needle isn’t the right color

11 Likes

Half-Life 2 Deathmatch is a linear graph representing the axes visual acuity and murder

5 Likes

Doorkickers Action Squad is the most accurate Cop Simulator

2 Likes

Resident Evil Village is watching Eraserhead on basic cable with commercials

2 Likes

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes is getting into a sleek, shiny sports car only to find an aeroplane cockpit’s worth of switches and dials to manage any time you want to go somewhere in it

5 Likes

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes is the only wrong use for the color purple.

6 Likes

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes is your first bout of depression in adolescence, before you knew what it was.

12 Likes

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes is is a loading screen sandwich and persistent damage is the bread

8 Likes

Dragon’s Dogma is FIFA Baldur’s Gate

8 Likes

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption is receiving the most luxurious full body massage of your life yet still feeling short-changed because you thought you were at a gym

2 Likes

Ghosts n’ Goblins is Dark Souls for people who have never played Dark Souls but say a game is like Dark Souls.

1 Like

Metroid Prime 3: Corruption is a cheap airport thriller written by Master Chief’s dad

8 Likes