Oh shit is this a new Monster Hunter
Lies of P himself on stage.
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wow referencing the xbox gamer era of Timothee Chalamet, iâm too exhausted to care about the meme
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Holy shit that guy is going ham on that flute.
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Lydia Tar would be happy to get this gig conducting this orchestra at this point i bet
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flute guy never misses
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You could hear the orchestra wrenching the hand brake and slipping the gears from Baldurâs Gate 3 to Super Mario Bros Wonder. A hard medley
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dang they gave flute guy the big guns
And the award goes toâŚDragon Quest II: Luminaries of the Legendary Line!
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Swapped out to two-handed heavy flute
The straight razor in the Blade trailer was alright, but the lack of the Schick Hydrobot was a palpable void that Keighley has yet to fill.
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Iâm going to bed and wrapping myself up in a duvet
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in conclusion, The Game Awards is a joke
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âmy speech was longer than this yearâs call of duty campaignâ
I mean as stupid and the pointless as the Oscars are they arenât just a series of commercials for next yearâs movies. This shit is colossally, internationally embarrassing.
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dammit geoff keighley youâve done it again! what a great award show! who won the awards? who fucking cares! put that bull shit in a picture-in-picture list! throw a couple of those assholes on stage and shuffle them off while theyâre doing stupid things like âtrying to pay tribute to a dead coworkerâ or âbeing the guy in charge of making zeldaâ with a big WRAP IT UP teleprompter and generic orchestra music. I NEED CONTENT. I NEED COMMERCIALS. By God, i got some fucking commercials! commercials for the exact same fucking game over and over again; open-world sci-fi cyberpunk shooter where everyone looks like a fortnite character. games with creative titles like âthe last sentinelâ and âthe first descendantâ and âthe fourth assholeâ and âwhat the fuck why did a bunch of us watch this terrible thing when we could have better spent our time staring at the fucking wall.â
hideo kojima blessed us with his presence. normally geoff keighley goes out of his way to make kojima look like a stupid motherfucker who didnât create one of my favorite seriesâ of all time, but this time, kojima did something cool and showed us all his fat glowing cock:
thankful that we got more WORLD PREMIERES that didnât show what the games actually looked like, except for one game that made sure you knew that you would be able to, holy shit, climb a fucking ladder. everything else was a prerendered trailer.
unironic shoutout to the guy whose name i forgot who wore the coolest outfit at the whole event and listed his three favorite games of âkingdom hearts,â âgarryâs modâ, and âgolden sun.â you know that guy is for real, and not some celebrity that comes on stage and bullshits you on their knowledge of the medium.
back to the irony: i loved that for one night, we can all come together and take a big non-sexual piss all over a medium that has struggled for recognition! thank you game awards! commercialization and maintaining an air of apoliticism (thatâs a word now) is where itâs at! catch the fever.
also they didnât bring back satanâs anus, so maybe actually the game awards can die in hell.
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i would much rather watch commercials than an award show, but Iâm just not going to watch either?
Keighley canât outrun this thingâs rotten roots.
People gotta stop lending this farce any sense of authority or legitimacy.
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To paraphrase some old guys:
Gaming culture is the disease of our time; adverts pretending to be art, made
by arseholes pretending to be artists. Of course, the lovers of kitch
in the next century will adore them, social historians dissect them.
Shoot the lot we say.
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