Random game names (Part 1)

[Bee]

@username

Under such circumstances, you will not have fun.

That would be a pretty killer subtitle for most things

[username]

• Trash Story
• Super Tony Land
• Show Me What You Got
• MineSweep
• Zombie Serial Killer Incident
• Food From The Sky
• Watch Me Jump
• Kama Bullet Heritage 2
• One Last Crane - Prologue

The quick highlights:

But note that one wrong blow or step will lead to irreversible death.

Irreversible death is always the worst kind of death.

Game features:
¥ Short duration. The game will end sooner than you’ll get bored…

Great bullet point.

Also I feel the need to touch on the saga of MineSweep up there. It has popped up on the new release list several times because Steam is funky about that. It initially was straight up named MineSweeper until someone pointed out that is a copyrighted name, and even now parts of the store description still use that name. My favorite part though? It is in early access. I don’t think the barebones clone of the 20+ year old game really needs to be in early access.

[username]

• BOOBS ON ISLAND
• Space Pilgrim Academy: Year 2
• PUTIN, BOOBS and TRUMP
• pixelBOT EXTREME!
• Gummy Goo Clean Up
• All You Can Feed: Sushi Bar
• Dumb As Wizards
• Earth Muncher
• Mike was Сursed

So yeah, we’re gonna look at the BOOB games.

Nazi-feminists hordes invaded island of Lesbia and you have to play a key role in this battle. Fight against many enemies, travel freely around the island, stop the feminists and get 5000 steam achievements.

vs.

Imagine what the world would be if Putin lost the elections of 2018?

You can not? That’s right, because it’s unreal, but nevertheless we asked this question and that’s what we got

In the game you have to play for Vladimir Putin who is trying to regain power, he will be protested by the acting President Navalny, US President Donald Trump, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, as well as Ilon Mask, Kim Chen Eun and many others.

In the game you will have to manage Vladimir Putin, you can shoot at many famous and world personalities, shoot at missiles and zombie presidents, all the time you will be under heavy fire and that to survive you will need not only to kill enemies, but also avoid collision with them. Destroy enemies, take damage and regain the throne of the president.

The latter wins because Ilon Mask is best best faux-Musk villain name imaginable.

Also, some pixelated pictures.

https://steamcdn-a.akamaihd.net/steam/apps/818450/ss_6af3ff0b605417161c47a37bfafb4c3f9bc83c79.600x338.jpg?t=1524243672

vs.

https://steamcdn-a.akamaihd.net/steam/apps/839880/ss_d8b9d604540195760ce88ebca19d8a73929f1849.600x338.jpg?t=1523044403

Hmm, putting the links in spoilers seems like it might break things. Let’s post it and see what happens!

Anyways I think the BOOB genre will be the next hot one after the battle royal one cools off.

[LWJoestar]

@username

• BOOBS ON ISLAND
• Space Pilgrim Academy: Year BOOBS
• PUTIN, BOOBS and TRUMP
• pixelBOOBS EXTREME!
• Gummy BOOBS Clean Up
• All You Can Feed: BOOBS Bar
• Dumb BOOBS Wizards
• BOOBS Muncher
• Mike was BOOBS

.

[Rudie]

Are all these Russia games put out by the same farms that run twitter?

[username]

• CRYEP
• Far Cnight
• Holyday City: Reloaded
• Bishi and the Alien Slime Invasion!
• Keplerth
• America’s Retribution
• Crucible Falls: Together Forever
• Pixel Beef Battle
• baby game plan 0-3
• Bane of Asphodel

Join Bishi in this short but sweet (and funny) platform game as he goes through three worlds to defeat the evil Doctor Evilworth! He’s like, really evil. Bishi will soon find himself in possession of a very persistant boomerang, and a friend in the name of Maximillian the Third, from the band Because Because! (Who totally isn’t the author of this game…)

I can’t find any evidence of a band named Because Because actually existing, so I assume this is all another of Dr. Evilworth’s diabolical plans.

Also, based on pictures I’m pretty sure “Far Cnight” up there is supposed to be Knight. Not sure if it is a translation issue or them trying to be clever, either way I like it better this way.

[username]

• DeathTolls Experience
• Weapon of War: Getting Over It with Weapon and Shield Extended
• Soul Reaper: Unreap Commander
• Chuusotsu! 1st Graduation: Time After Time
• MonsterxMan: Inheritence To Lust
• Finger Jets: Phase Challenge
• Space man adventure dash

Getting over it?

Getting over it.

DeathTolls Experience is a journey through data in virtual reality that aims to re-sensitize the user to the casualties of the terrorist attacks in Europe, refugee deaths in the Mediterranean Sea, and the human cost of the Syrian civil war. The project challenges the lack of concern that results from the frequency of such news on the mass media. By walking the user through hundreds of thousands of dead bodies in photorealistic CGI scenes, the creator Ali Eslami aims to inspire an active awareness towards big data that represents massive deaths, and compassion for the people behind those numbers.

On the basis of a virtual journey through the history of European bloodbaths, an ocean filled with body bags containing recently drowned Syrian refugees, and casualties of the Syrian civil war, DeathTolls Experience immerses us in the meaning of these figures, opening up an emotional perspective on this suffering and terror.

I… don’t know how to feel about this.

[username]

• Vietnam War PuZZles
• Funny Yo
• Neon Force Pushers
• Christmas Santa Troubles
• El Tango de la Muerte
• Tyr: Chains of Valhalla

A few odd highlights:

-You will be able to catch flashbacks from the Vietnam War, as well as relax

I always heard that Vietnam flashbacks were relaxing.

Also FWIW the Vietnam game is also a made in Russia game.

In this brilliant 2D side-scrolling platformer, you have to jump on the heads of enemies to render them harmless

This is the entire “upper” store description for the game. I guess what more needs to be said?

Christmas Santa Troubles is developed by a company named “Unknown Indie Devs”, showing they have a knack for naming even if they don’t quite have a good grasp on when to release their Santa game.

Finally, I got a kick out of the trailer for the Murder Tango game.

- YouTube

[username]

• Zhmyshenko Valery Albertovich
• Acucalypse
• Brother Perro
• Save Snegurochka!
• Pizza Titan Ultra

Snegurochka was captured by grimly snowmen. Go through exciting adventures and face challenges some tricky snowmen tought up. A lovely and smart friend will be on your side! Come into the phantastic VR world and save Snegurochka!

Another winter game released just in time for Spring.

Pizza Titan Ultra is a fast paced 3rd-person action platformer focused on fighting and smashing through a futuristic city, in a giant mech, to deliver pizza. Experience arcadey action with speedy attacking and dodging, while attempting to control the massive weight of a 10 storey mobile pizzeria - just try not to make too much of a mess!

I mean… giant robot pizza-themed crazy taxi could work?

[Mikey]

I feel like this game got some hype, but only because I recognized the screenshot.

[username]

• Muffled Warfare
• Maiden City: The Last Collateral Damage
• ROGALIK
• Norilsk
• Dynamite Bunny
• Quest of Vidhuraa
• Overclocked: The Aclockalypse
• Wait! Life is beautiful!

The Aclockalypse is just the right level of stupid and clever for me.

Also Wait! Life is beautiful!, the Russian developed game about trying to stop people from jumping off a suicide bridge, is developed by a company named [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]. These one-off company names are ever improving.

[username]

• Qvabllock
• AGAIN PUT IN
• Antegods - Stonepunk arena shooter
• Sign Here: _________
• CrazyHousePlanes
• Lost Satellite : Synthwave Flyer
• Hermodr
• Shrinking Pains
• Lock Her Up: The Trump Supremacy
• Greedy Developer’s Cash Grab

Grab cash, drop bombs, and run from Haters in this thinly veiled attempt to make quick money with a reskin of some Snake game we found on the Internet. In this MMO (Moderately Multiplayer Only) Action game, you’ll compete online against other players to see who can stay at the top of the cash score table. Coded in the finest HTML with some art and audio we got on sale from the asset store, this game is a state of the art Steam release.

Once again, games = art.

[username]

Lotta funky names today.

• Puzzle Sisters Foer
• Mushroom: The Ruckus
• Skelly Selest
• Square Head Zombies 2 - FPS Game
• I Hate Heroes: Rocket Man
• Colosso Crystal Skulls
• n0d3::Machina Omega
• Mr. Sweet
• Brutal MooD
• Youropa
• MIAZMA or the Devil’s Stone
• SVOBODA
• You Green Elephant
• Need for Synthol

I support the existence of more synthol-themed games and/or professional wrestlers.

SVOBODA is a novel in real time. And in mother-Russia, by the way. Can you think that for a perfect game you need mega cool graphics? Maybe cool gameplay features? Or cool music? But this isn’t true. The main goal of the game is to show you the true atmosphere of being. The game also surprises with its disinterested complexity. This story will lead you to the typical Russian character, village discos, time without cool phones and expensive cars, my time is my freedom!

Yeah yeah it is Russian and the grammar is rough (the game isn’t even available in english, i don’t know why the store page is), I just like the sales pitch beyond that. To hell with decent graphics, music or even gameplay, we have a village disco!

…weren’t really lying about the graphics though.

[username]

• WIN THE GAME: DO IT!
• Pi is Everything
• Run Jump Fail
• Breathedge
• Space Hodsola
• Geometry Boxer

That pi game…

Make circles! While the world spins round and round all you have to do is just press the space bar when the spinning bar is at the right place to make a circle. At first it’s easy, the bar oscillates with a period of pi seconds (3.14 s^-1), giving you plenty of time to make your first circle.

But it won’t be easy for long! The difficulty increases every pi seconds: The speed of the bar increases by 3.14% (pi %) each time, until it reaches a frequency of 3.14 Hz (pi Hz). Once it reaches that frequency, the speed of the bar decreases again, until it reaches a period of pi seconds (3.14 s^-1).
It sounds complicated doesn’t it? If you try it out you’ll see it’s more addictive than complicated.

How many circles can you make? Maybe just 3.14? 31.41? 314.15? 3141.5?
How long can you play for? 3.14 seconds? 3.14 minutes (00:03:08.4)? 3.14 hours (03:08:24)? 3.14 days (75:21:36)? Weeks? Months? Years? Decades? I hope you’ll be around for at least a while.

What about the music? Oh, the music is great. The tempo is 3.14Hz (188.4 bpm)! No radius has better music. You can obviously turn the game’s music off if you like, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Ohh, and the sound effects. Get ready to hear an awesome robotic “pi” every time you hit the space bar!

There’s simply no way around it, this game is rotund. If only there was a way we could get the game’s rating to be exactly 3.14 stars out of 5. Now that would make it full circle.

Ok, I think that’s enough circle puns.

PS: Do you know how many words this description has? I’ll give you a minute or 3.14 minutes to figure it out while I’m out and around.
PPS: Did you get it? 314 words. Including these ones, of course.

I appreciate the commitment to the bit. Also, the game’s price? $3.14

[username]

There were no games released yesterday that stuck out as that unusually named, perhaps this world will soon no longer need me…

• DARCO - Reign of Elements
• Highscore Processing Unit
• Iffy Institute
• 30 Seconds To Jail
• Mechsprofit: Mech Tycoon Simulator
• Asset Flip Simulator
• The Last DeadEnd
• UNHALLOWED: THE CABIN
• Soul Smith of the Kingdom
• Break Stuff With Coins
• DEATH FIELD: The Battle Royale of Disaster
• Semi-Sweet Tofu
• Inexplicable Geeks: Dawn of Just Us
• Kinaman vs Gray Elephant

…or not.

Totes not Bomberman.

30 seconds to jail is an indie game about a dude, who gets a bag of drugs. You have 30 seconds to figure out how to get rid of them and not get caught in jail. From banal feeding to the dog, to the full rituals of calling the spirit of Bob Marley.

Please don’t feed your drugs to your dog.

Asset Flip Simulator is a blatant cash grab and the ultimate trash for the collectors to add to their steaming pile of garbage (also known as Library of games). Presenting nothing more than the bare minimum to be considered a “playable video game” in order to be sold for actual money. This is the ultimate experience of wasting your money on utter trash just to brag about how much money you can afford to throw away.

Do you have more money than you will ever need? Do you enjoy the smell of burning cash? Do you like playing horrible games just to see how bad they can actually be? Or perhaps you’re a streamer or content creator who makes a living off of showcasing asset flips and terrible games. Whatever the case may be, Asset Flip Simulator has got you covered! Only this time with the added bonus of unbroken English (comprehensible language) so you can actually understand what the description is talking about.

Product Features:

• Made in 5 minutes
• First-person camera
• VERY long loading times
• The definition of “WYSIWYG”
• Low FPS and lots of stuttering
• Empty map with pretty much nothing in it
• Broken mess that crashes and freezes a lot

This new approach of convincing people you made the worst game possible as your sales pitch is a curious one. Perhaps their theory is that people like these terrible games but are conflicted about funding the Russians?

This Russian game has this character select screen though, so it wins IMO.

[Rudie]

I bought Sword of Ozymoium so I am an eternal sucker.

[username]

• Defendion
• GUNS BATTLE ROYALE
• The Last Dawn : The first invation
• Primitive Race
• Rabbit Valley Legend
• Fantasya Final Definitiva REMAKE

I now want a GTA that looks like this.

[username]

• Starting The Game: Rage Edition
• Hodl: The God of Crypto
• Aik’s Cheese Adventures
• Humble Pie
• Slizer Battle Management System
• Save her, from dreams
• Hell in Paradise
• Linear Chicken

One game in its feature list mentioned “memes” and another game mentioned “juicy animated graphics” and… I mean the latter game was barely even animated, yet it can’t be worse than the meme game, right?

Also that Humble Pie game is a VR game where you throw cherry pies at Trump because of course. I should bother to track the ratio of positive-Trump to negative-Trump games that come out, but I assume that would just make me want to kill myself or like… throw pies.

[Iacus]

@username

Hodl: The God of Crypto

I’m imagining this being a japanese visual novel about a young cryptocurrency investor.

Somehow, saving the world is involved

[username]

For whatever reason half of Hodl is a racing game. Don’t ask me.

• Shrug Island - The Meeting
• Pestis
• Welcome Back To 2007
• District 112 Incident: Bowling Alley
• Ghost Mountain Roller Coaster
• Russian Gangsta In HELL
• PuzzGun
• Number Guesser
• Tobuscus Adventures: Wizards
• No safety
• Gardener the Ripper

Evil gammers, chavs, jocks, cops, Ashan security guards, goths, weeaboos and even bums appear on his way.

BUT OUR EMO BOY WILL NEVER SURRENDER!!! With help of tears, literally, he smashes his way: plunge your enemies into shock by shooting them with your tears.

Game is really hard, so you need to collect cigarettes to heal and prolong life.

I can’t tell if the Russian’s version of 2007 is more or less accurate than my own.

You play as a gangster who got into Hell for your business, and you need to kill all demon devils demons, because there’s nothing else to do in Hell

I can’t tell if the Russian’s version of hell is more or less accurate than the judeo-christian version.

This game both looks swell yet also too much like the CD-i Zelda games. Also congrats to Shrug on having his own island.