How Are You Good?


#1

Say hypothetically you have been challenged by the devil in a video game based challenge. You gotta beat that devil. It can be an actual competition game, a speedrun time, a high score whatever. The point is you have to win or the orphanage closes, the bank forcloses on grandma’s house, and they are gonna scuff your new whites.

How do You Win? What game what challenge?


#2

i could probably beat the devil in a the wizard-esque run through ninja gaiden for the nes. otherwise, i’m boring and i’ve definitely played more gen 1 pokemon than the devil. randomize everything, first to complete the pokedex and beat the elite 4 wins, i guess. and then a battle against the devil for good measure. pokemon is easy, so maybe swap out the complete the pokedex with a lockout challenge (you can’t catch what the other player (the devil, in this case) has already caught).


#3

I mean… the devil’s gonna cheat obviously. I’d challenge him to Desert Bus, sneak out while he’s attempting it and like run to a church and start praying.


#4

zeroranger


#5

me vs the devil in Gunz The Duel, k-style only


#6

He came upon this young girl doin’ a series of All Clears
And the devil jumped up on a hickory stump and said, “Girl, you listen here:
I guess you didn’t know it, but I’m a Puyo player too
And if you’d care to take a dare, I’ll make a bet with you
Now you play a pretty good Puyo, girl, but give the devil his due
I’ll bet me as your wife against your life, 'cause I think I’m better than you”
The girl said, “I’m Marina, and I lead a life of sin
so I’ll take your bet, and you’re gonna regret
'Cause I’m the best there’s ever been”
The devil took his Saturn pad and he said, "I’ll start this show
And he opened up with a GTR–predictable, I know
Then he made a clean transition, full efficiency at hand
And then set off the fastest 13-chain in all the land
When the devil finished Marina said, “Wow, holy shit, my dude
But check this out, and suck my ass” and her power chain was huge


#7

I’d pick a relatively simple game. One that someone has programed an AI for that can’t lose, only get a draw at the worst. So we’d play forever or until I win.

But then I’d still have to look out for the devil cheating… It’s too bad that there are sorta holy drinks and food in the Bible, like wine, but no games. Would be cool if God gave us a game that the devil can’t cheat at so we could duel him


#8

Marina’s post is excellent but y’all I am not interested in how you would outsmart your opponent or the devil I really am just asking what video game challenge would you absolutely win.


#9

Oh then placing last at every multiplayer thing where you can place last. That I would win. The funny thing is I was actually not too bad at videogames in my teens and twenties


#10

does it have to be video games because I am not good at those

or anything else

maybe challenge the devil to eating all the chips


#11

Sure, I can speak of my abilities in speedrunning RONIN but that’s not as fun as figuring out ways around the challenge. Like my ability to never receive the Stanley Parable achievement for “not playing the game for 5 years” is unquestionable; the devil could never beat me at that.


#12

I don’t care for the game, but challenging the devil to 100%ing Disgaea would probably work pretty well. The devil would be distracted and pissed off by the game’s extremely anime version of hell, and whether or not I won, it’d take so damn long that the devil would probably lose interest.

More seriously though, I guess I’d challenge the devil to a game of Helix for iOS. I’ve beaten the creator’s high score, which is sort of like beating the devil.


#13

I don’t think I am actually good enough at any videogame any more to beat any hypothetical devil.


#14

I’d just talk him out of it


#15

Mario Tennis 64


#16

You’re killing me Daniel Webster.


#17

Competitive Seaman


#18

I am pretty terrible at videogames actually. I would choose one of three things:

  1. Spelunky. I’ve played this more than any game in the last 10 years. I got pretty good at it! But never quite good enough to kill King Yama, and I’ve never gotten as good at killing shopkeepers as I should have. Still, over a year of daily challenge plays left me with pretty strong Spelunky muscles. (For this I’m imagining competing on a daily challenge instead of simultaneous or deathmatch play.)
  2. I was briefly S-ranked in Pac-Man Championship Edition DX. I probably couldn’t be again, but I’m probably still decent at it.
  3. Chu Chu Rocket in versus mode. I’m sometimes terrible at this game, but I am sometimes really effing good. Never quite sure which I’m gonna get.

If I could tap an ally to represent me instead, I’d send my partner against the devil with Dr. Mario. She’d kick his ass.

Oh wait, one alternate possibility that’s not actually a video game but is something I’m very good at, and the one I would almost certainly beat most people at: Whoever can draw the most accurate maps of Super Mario Bros. 3 stages from memory.


#19

I think in my prime I could probably best the prince of darkness in a GoldenEye basement/golden gun only match, but now I would probably just get dizzy and have to lie down


#20

Bill&Ted Movie 2 is the answer.