god, i'm so sorry (superhero-comicbook nonsense)


#21

brandon routh was robbed by bryan singer’s lousy ass movie he woulda been a great supes he’s so appealing in everything else


#22

Replying as an excuse to post this Man of Steel still.


#23

did anyone watch that documentary about the Tim Burton Superman Lives movie that never released? kinda cool to see home videos of him and Nic Cage (while wearing the weird blue suit) talking about their take on the material. all the concept art looked so weird an alien.


#24

wow. shrug wasn’t kidding about the dildoships.


#25

I posted this on Facebook. I thought it was funny, but no one liked it.

This is the kind of movie they came up with words like “maudlin” for.

Michael Cera acts like a fucking tool here. What happened to him? Watch Arrested Development, where he’s a fun, likeable guy. What happened?

I have no idea what happened in this movie. How does something like this even get made? Did no one actually watch it before it got pushed out? I have no idea why Lex Lugor does shit, I have no idea why Batman and Superman fight, I have no idea why it’s even called Superman vs. Batman because the two of them aren’t even antagonists to each other here. In closing, Africa is not a country, guys.

The only cool part was where trenchcoat Batman mercilessly guns down hordes of faceless Superman stormtroopers in a dream. I have every reason to think they included this just so they’d have cool shit to put in the trailers.

I can’t tell the difference between Ben Affleck and Tom Cruise. I have never seen a movie with Ben Affleck. Tom Cruise was in Collateral though, and that was badass.

It’s loaded with fascist and vaguely religious imagery. There might be a debate “they” want or a point “they’re” making. I will not dignify “them” by giving even a bit of my brain space more. You can fuck my eyes and ears, but you can’t make me think, motherfucker.

Generic male model zero-charisma nobodies amped up on PEDs and CGI. Ben Affleck is a nobody. Superman is a nobody. Superhero actors are interchangeable in the extreme. Action scenes are meaningless CGI. It looks like a videogame. It feels like a videogame in the worst sense. Just make it a videogame guys.

The pacing on this whole thing is just fucked up. Nothing even happens for a good hour or two or three.

I wish I could say something snippy like “it’s an assault on the senses”. It isn’t. This is the most milquetoast superhero movie ever. There’s maybe three action scenes. None of them are good or interesting, or violent, or adrenaline-pulsing, or anything. They’re just there. This movie was just a huge money laundering operation. It’s just piles of capital getting pushed around, the same way Chicago politicians send big construction jobs the way of their frat buddies or as in any other corrupt and decadent institution in which large sums are involved.

I know when I’m being pandered too. It’s all the time. That’s what happens on the internet.

I laughed at the part where Superman said “WHERE IS SHE?” Was that intentional self-parody? I like to think the whole thing about Batman’s voice changer going in and out was a joke about the Christian Bale Batman voice.

In summary - they better not make a fucking Aquaman movie.


#26

i’m going to be honest with you guys…
i saw BvS: DoJ and i did not hate it.

this one is…i mean it’s a mess but like there’s bits of interesting ideas floating around this blackened teal and orange soup. the last hour is fuckin schlocky garbage but i mean i didn’t check out as easily as i did with the first movie. ben affleck is not a terrible bruce wayne and i think jessie eisenberg is the only one who was allowed to have fun on set. it’s a very glum and grim dark though. there’s literally one joke and it happens at what i think is probably the most inappropriate time.

:SPOILER STUFF: i actually kind of enjoyed that batman had weird fever dreams of an oppressive superman future (that seems ripped straight from the Injustice fighting game, weirdly enough) also that was really cool of lex to graphic design some Justice League logos. i laughed super hard at the Aquaman shot. : SPOILER END :

you’re still better off just watching the bruce tim justice league cartoon


#27

ok but what about the crossfit??


#28

#29

Agreeing with ronk. I had a real good time with this pile of hot garbage. Trenchcoat batfleck mowing dudes down with machine guns while WTF DRONE WASPS?! attack was a personal highlight (next to crossfit). I will definitely watch the 5 hour director’s cut.


#30

wake me up when there’s a Squirrel Girl movie


#31

Yeah I saw this in a theater where there were subwoofers built into the seats so that crossfit montage was bitchin @shrug you think you know but you don’t

Did anyone else flashback to the sequence from Hot Shots: Part Deux every time Batman went on a rampage because it sure seemed like the motherfucker racked up an impressive body count for a superhero who isn’t supposed to kill. Also LOL at the idea of him only finding out about other superheroes like 20 years into his crime fighting career.


#32

Batman literally used a hookshot to stab a guy from far away and yank him, Scorpion style, from across the room, to punch him.


#33

I’ll drink a jar of lex luthor’s fresh and frothing piss before I let anyone tell me I don’t know batcrossfit >:[


#34

he does this in burtons batman movie but doesn’t punch him

also Snyder made a superman who kills, a batman who kills, and now as verified by external media, a robin (jesus Christ) of all people who used a halberd instead of a staff and killed people

the worst part is I doubt Snyder is making any kind of point about like superheroes being violent or anything. he is probably the kind of dude who read a batman comic and was like “why don’t they just kill these people to clean up gotham”

it feels deeply prophetic that The Boys is set to become a movie right after Justice League because snyders superheroes are so close to garth ennis’ hateful superhero takedown characters he wrote in that comic

this is a film franchise about deranged lunatic murdergods in rubber armor and it feels so weird to compare it to any other superhero movies right now


#35

It feels surprisingly true to that whole crossover with Mortal Kombat that I’m like, shit, they’re just gonna go ahead and make that happen now aren’t they


#36

and snyders whole opinion on the Murdergods thing is bizarre too - like he can’t conceptualize or rationalize someone being morally opposed to taking a life unless they’ve already killed someone in the past to realize they don’t like it. thinking about how his world in these movies functions is deeply unsettling afterwards: maybe the justice league kills people, because they live in a world where Everybody Gets One For Free


#37

I hope batman batnukes a city

MORE MURDERGODS

MORE MURDER

MORE MORE MORE


#38

BATSKULLS FOR THE SUPERTHRONE


#39

you all know batman and superman aren’t real, right?! :smug: :coolguy:


#40

i say this as someone who knows an embarassingly large amount of MK story lore, but even those games were more interesting and had more fun than some of this crap

from what i’ve seen of more recent Captain America Civil War trailers, that movie sounds like it’ll take whatever nugget of interesting material that could’ve been in Batman Vee Superman and put it into a better movie, so i guess that takes care of that.