dark archie timeline



the kids are playing their parents in flashbacks and i have to wonder if the initial casting for the show was purposefully done that way because it really works


um seeing the actors playing their own parents who are high on illegal pop rocks and LARPing in school at night singing the theme from Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors is actually a transcendent moment of television


i got sidetracked by sabrina which is good but strangely not as ridiculous to me as riverdale so it’s not really as fun


i can’t believe this whole season is premised on a literal version of 1980s christian propaganda that D&D could hypnotize vulnerable teens into killing each other like some kind of lifetime movie from hell what is this


Really loving the new Sabrina. About halfway through it.

Some of the high school stuff is… exactly as teen-showey as I feared, but everything else rules. I like the witch lore quite a bit. I really like how it’s shot and the locations they pick.


cole sprouse’s weird, unihinged michael keaton/jeff goldblum nervyness should be put to use in something better


jellybean is an amazing character

hiram lodge is so cartoonishly supervillain evil that it’s not even fun

best new name watch is “lugnut”


i wish there was any character on this show that i could hold on to as an anchor.

luke perry was the closest thing and there already wasn’t enough of him

every character’s personality on a week to week basis depends entirely on the whims of the plot mechanics

i’m so exhausted of the mystical brainwashing powers of the farm or g&g just chewing through so many characters who used to be interesting in any way

like if they say alice was doing a deep undercover expose on the farm the whole time and just ignore her behavior this entire season i’d be fine with that

jughead turning his gang into a bunch of drug free snitches for the cops is almost…almost a good parody of how the cops are just another gang but what even are or were the serpents

remember when there was tension with pops not wanting his restaurant to be a casino

it’s so weird that this entire show is about the various criminal organizations being run by teens who still get good grades and whatnot

i like the evolution of weatherbee from “none of my students better be in a gang” to “no gang activity at school” to “gangs better act nice at school”

archie and josie are like the only semi normal thing happening and she’s leaving for that katy keene show

i hope they fully wipe the slate clean next season because this is a slog


i’m still watching and enjoying the show but the stuff about the farm does feel like, not even reading an overextended cross-title 90s x-men story arc about technoviruses etc so much as reading the wikipedia page about an overextended 90s x-men story arc and trying vaguely to reverse engineer why it was treated like such a big deal.

I feel like Reggie has sort of blossomed into the kind of totally uncomplicated hunk doofus the show needs? Like when every other character is involved in moving up or down a constantly shifting crime hierarchy it’s sort of refreshing to have exactly one who’s very happy just being a neo noir cosplay bartender constantly wiping the same glass with a cloth.

TBH I kind of preferred Cheryl when she was more aimlessly malevolent but did enjoy the episode where she was rejected from the patricia highsmith women’s college for aspiring gothic novel protagonists for being too gay. Also when she and Toni became cat burglars and stole a valuable egg and all the different characters were saying things like “I want that egg” in intense voices.

will miss luke perry :frowning_face:


i will give them credit that “chad michael murray lets you talk to any ghost you want” is genuinely a compelling reason for this many people to join the farm and act weird about it. g&g being like specially game designed to hypnotize people or whatever is also a great stupid idea

it’s just that both of these simultaneously can’t sustain a 20+ episode season

both of these concepts would be better if there was a clean break at winter or if the show was only like 8-13 eps a season

i’d honestly forgotten that jason and polly were going to the farm in season 1

the lodges all arguing over whose attempted murders actually matter is kind of adorably wild


I only started watching this a couple months ago and I took a break around the fifth or sixth episode of season two because I was starting to hit saturation but between the tears for fears and the poutine it’s just blowing my mind

I’ve never seen anything else that commits to this kind of high key pastiche


I think that, at some point before the show gets cancelled, the leads will have group sex

Jughead and Veronica have the exact same dynamic as whenever Elaine had to spend time with George


oh it really does just gradually coalesce from twin peaks into the warriors

jughead’s S t-shirt looks cheap, I gotta talk to my friend who does set design, that’s a rare misstep


yeah Archie’s Journey of Self-Discovery is really a bit much huh

I liked how they were doing the Satanic Panic thing initially but they’ve gotten pretty far afield of the show’s appeal

they also keep putting way too much miscellaneous awful shit on Betty but the character can seemingly withstand a limitless amount which is, in a way, a pretty remarkable success

I do like how archie is now way too dumb for his SATs


oh man gina gershon

the casting is so good

(he says to himself every time madchen amick is on screen)


though I feel like they kind of invoked the nuclear option by making the characters actually fuck on a regular basis because the maximum acceptable level of sexualization on the CW is basically equivalent to that of like, mass effect, so it’s just a bunch of bra shots in every single episode

for all the ways their whole chaste-but-horny vibe works I think this is not one of them


seriously feel like this show’s vibe is as close to like, an american version of the yakuza games as anything gets


had a dream last night in which I was on an uncharted type adventure with Cheryl and at one point she decided she wanted to leave so she called the Vancouver 24 hour transit directions line at like 2am and she got a weirdly friendly operator and I was listening to the call thinking “huh they really like their job” then they just straight up started having phone sex and I’m there with the treasure map like “are we gonna get back to this at some point”


i hope the royal baby enjoys being buried alive