dads in space

That’s correct. The dad is in space but the daughter is with him and not searching for him.

I also thought it was a daughter trying to deal with a shitty dad which is frankly a lot more interesting to me in this world of ‘suddenly every dad is good’ we have in a lot of nerd media lately.

That is also correct, but I don’t want to say too much about what happens.

1 Like

The box office failure of Mars Needs Moms is why we got a movie titled simply

JOHN CARTER

Disney decided that having “Mars” in a title would be box-office poison, see.

3 Likes

JOHN CARTER though!

JOHN CARTER!!

1 Like

Was JOHN CARTER any good? I watched the first ten minutes or so once but something about it made me turn it off. I liked the book as a kid, though. I remember thinking a lot about what it meant for him to see a color that didn’t exist on Earth (if I am not mixing up my stories).

(I liked Tarzan better.)

itt I am reminded Kim Basinger was/is an acting human wow

I have read an entire book about the production of the motion picture JOHN CARTER (2012).

I have never actually watched more than the first half hour of JOHN CARTER (2012).

3 Likes

I watched half of JOHN CARTER recently on Netflix. The action and effects were okay and the story setup is classic pulp which is nice but like the very first introduction to JOHN CARTER the MAN is that he’s a rambunctious, freedom-loving rebellious Virginian who by the way fights for the Confederacy and hey let’s go on a big adventure to Mars already who needs all this setup.

2 Likes

I just rewatched the opening.

The book is like “FRAMING INTRO FROM BURROUGHS CLAIMING THIS WAS A BIT OF MEMOIR WRITTEN BY SOMEONE ELSE THAT ANY SENSIBLE ADAPTATION WOULD CUT. I prospected for gold. My partner left on an errand. He didn’t come back. I went to look. Apaches! I ran from Apaches carrying my partner on horse. I hid in a cave. I fell asleep. I woke up on fucking mars. idk. fucked up.”

This movie is like

FUCKIN MARS. THERE’S THIS KINGDOM! ALSO THIS OTHER KINGDOM! ACTION SCENE! MCNULTY GETS A WEIRD GUN! THE GODDESS GIFTS IT! BALD BLUE GUYS!

FRAMING STORY THEY SHOULD HAVE CUT WHERE NOW CARTER IS BURROUGHS’ UNCLE? IT TAKES FIVE FUCKING MINUTES? WHO CARES?

I’M IN A GENERAL STORE! I HAVE A TAB! I DEMAND THINGS! I DON’T REVEAL I HAVE MONEY TO PAY FOR THEM UNTIL AFTER I’VE HELD SOMEONE AT GUNPOINT! I’M A FUCKING DICKHEAD! THIS TAKES FOUR MINUTES!

THE ARMY WANTS ME TO DO ARMY THINGS! THEY WANT ME TO FIGHT APACHES! FUCK THAT! DON’T WANT! I GET IN TO LIKE THREE TINY COMEDY FISTFIGHTS!

I AM ORNERY! I HATE ALL HUMAN LIFE!

I CALL BREAKING BAD’S ASS FLAT!

I HAVE A FLASHBACK! I HAD A FAMILY! CHARACTER!

I BREAK OUT!

I RUN INTO APACHES WHILE THE CAVALRY PURSUE! I KNOW APACHE! THIS ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING!

APACHE AND WHITEY SHOOT EACH OTHER!

RUNNING FROM ALL THIS SHIT WITH BREAKING BAD WHO I HATE ON THE BACK OF MY HORSE I GET TO A CAVE WHICH HAS A MARK THAT WAS REFERENCED IN DIALOG EARLIER SO I GO INSIDE BUT NOT TO HIDE IT’S BECAUSE I THINK THERE MIGHT BE GOLD THERE EVEN THOUGH I COULD HAVE JUST GONE IN THERE TO HIDE

THERE ARE MANY MYSTERIOUS MARKINGS AND GLYPHS INCLUDING A CIRCLE IN A ROCK

A BLUE BALD MAN APPEARS AND TRIES TO FUCKING STAB ME WITH A WEIRD BLUE SPARKLY KNIFE! HE DOES JEDI MAGIC!

I MURDER HIM!

I TAKE HIS GLOWING AMULET AND REPEAT THE WORDS HE IS GASPING WITH THIS FINAL BREATH

I WAKE UP ON MARS AT THE TWENTY MINUTE MARK

4 Likes

I mean I get why they would try to do something other than “arbitrary astral projection happens” but it’s so much shoe leather to put off most of your movie and you fill most of it with “this dude is a discount outlaw josie wales hey yeah don’t look up who wrote that book either he was a pretty fucked up dude”

2 Likes

just sitting here feeling smug as I mentally note what cultures they cribbed the different Thark weapons from seeing some west africa some philippines some indonesia yes it is me the person who knows from whence they sourced their blade profiles me the one who will soon be obscenely wealthy because of this v. valuable knowledge base

3 Likes

how high does he jump

as high as the setpiece demands which can be Very High Indeed

1 Like

The framing device in John Carter is fucking dope. It’s sequel setup but also resolution but also who cares.

Yeah it’s ridiculous during the first major battle that he wins for the skinny green-skinned Goros he basically jumps from the ground up to a big airship flying around in the sky above.

1 Like

4 Likes

also i would watch forgotten weapons BUT FOR BLADES
im pretty sure infact, while watching forgotten weapons i was like BOY I WISH THERE WAS A VERSION OF THIS FOR DANGEROUS BLADES

shit dont derail fix it fix it

i would watch a spacedad movie of the story kaleidoscope

Yeah it rules.

2 Likes