Hey guys. I wanted to share this weird, stupid thing I made.
A couple years ago I was looking all over the place for work, and a friend got me a job at an SEO company. The job turned out to be way less crappy than I’d expected, but much stranger. I was asked to create hundreds of imaginary webmasters and write little “About Me” biographies of their lives for fake blogs that only Google’s webcrawlers were meant to read. They gave me the website name, I wrote the bio, and a coworker added manipulated photos.
I got very bored very fast and I had very little oversight, so I started creating all these goofy, weird characters and putting them online. I don’t work there any more, but to this day there are still a bunch of random automated spam blogs with really surreal About Me pages.
I took screenshots of all of them, and I put them up on this tumblr page.
Here are a few of my favorites.
For a website called Big Dentist Reviews:
For My Veterinarian Directory:
For Proper Toothbrushing:
this is genuinely amazing. i am in awe
i rarely laugh at things i see on the internet but these genuinely made a heehaw come out of my mouth
When I was just a baby I was abandoned in the woods. A pack of wolves found me and took care of me, feeding me bits of their prey and huddling with me for warmth at night. I learned language by reading strange magazines I found in the woods. I thought I was just a little pink bald wolf.
I don’t actually know the history of how loans started, but I have created in my head a dense mythology to explain it, complete with a pantheon of financial deities.
this is great. thanks so much for sharing
edit: another one
Imagine if the past hundreds of generations of your species were selectively inbred by an alien intelligence for unknowable reasons, until your very body betrayed you in the most humiliating and disgusting ways! That is why I love pugs.
I’m so glad y’all are enjoying this! I used to lurk on Insert Credit and Selectbutton 1 for a WAY long time before I started finally posting over here. Feels good to have my writing get a positive reception from this community.
Whoever reblogged my post referencing Bowie’s Outside made me very happy. That album is so underappreciated, and so cool, and so absurd. Maybe I’ll make a big pretentious thread about it some time.
That was me! Much respect
someone please change my title to I, Burt Tabernacle
these are flipping hilarious
that’s so cool it almost sounds like something written by borges
I’m laughing every time I see my own name now so that’s good.
Holy shit, these are amazing!
This is awesome
*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*
I feel like there’s an alternate universe somewhere where the internet existed in the 60’s and a young Thomas Pynchon got his start with this exact job
Indeed - a König lives amongst us…
The most blood-potioned (blood-soaked?) post in Select Button history
Just found this thread. This is awesome.