Childhood Thread 2: Basic Things About Reality You Didn't Quite Grasp As a Lil Babby

[adol]

@Victor

i heard a this american life episode about how this one lady thought, until early adulthood(?), like duck/etc. x-ing signs were pronounced “zing” because whatever was crossing was supposed to “zing” across real fast

wait wtf they’re not?

[BIGHEADMODE]

x-ing is “crossing”

Another good one from that ep is that a woman thought unicorns were real but, like, endangered until she embarrassed herself at a college party.

[shrug]

@BIGHEADMODE

What y’all don’t know is that the best way to clean your ass is the Thai style toilets that have a little hose that you reach back and use.

absolutely hated these

[Mikey]

@schroeder

Because the only ‘gulf’ I’d heard of was the Gulf of Mexico, I was convinced the first Gulf War was being fought in, like, Florida. I was too terrified by the implications to ever talk about it out loud so no one corrected me.

I thought it had something to do with the gas stations! I was… sorta right?!

I knew at least one kid who though it was a Golf War

[Felix]

I also remember being confused by the Gulf War

[u_u]

being confused by US military activity in the middle east during all phases of life is kind of a key element of being an Old Millennial, I think

[dylan]

My dad had a friend who thought that seahorses were mythological animals until he saw some in an aquarium when he was like 16

[dylan]

Also in regards to war stuff I defs remember the sense of extreme confusion bout 9/11 and the Iraq war and everything. I would have been 6 when 9/11 happened and just kinda having all this war stuff happen on the TV all the time and hearing adults talk about it and my dad taking me to protests a few times but really not understanding it enough. It was a strange thing to reckon with! (oh ig for context I’m Australian)

Also we had a really serious drought in the early 2000s and I remember there being this really strong sense of like, the adults have fucked up the earth for us children and we need to do everything we can to alleviate the problem. Climate change etc. It was seriously a national crisis and we would learn how to save water in school all the time. It was on the news everyday. I even found this thing I wrote in like year 2 or 3 recently

ANOTHER memory I have is of visiting my family in Switzerland in I think 2001 and seeing a huge bushfire on the news at my grandma’s house and realising it was extremely close to our house in Australia, and later finding out our street had been evacuated and then when we got home you could see the end of the bushfire’s damage from our backyard. That was weird.

So yeah I guess just all trauma from watching the news but being too young to understand it rly.

[u_u]

“We’re trying to save water not time” and “Death is certain for some of our beautiful flora and fauna” are both really strong lines I hope you have continued cultivating your talent

[boojiboy7]

Roll that TP, yo.

Also standing forever, with a little squat.

[GherkinForce]

I think I already told this story here at some point, but while we’re back on the poop subject, when I was in 1st grade at recess, I thought I felt like I had just done a small poop in my pants, so I figured the best way to deal with that was to reach into my pants and pull it out, and lo and behold it was a 2 cent coin. I thought I’d magically pooped out money so I went around showing it to everyone.

Why are half of my posts here about poop and/or toilets

[eska]

who was it just posted about finding a turd in their pocket? i think you’ve found your fated match

[gary]

They grew on me but boy is having a wet butt afterward an odd thing at first

[shrug]

Never adjusted to the wet butt life.

I was pre-warned, told to carry travel tissue with me. But then, you can’t flush them in a lot of places because the plumbing can’t take it, so they have those little trash cans. So you have to go wet butt and dab dry.

But if they don’t even have a can you gotta resign yourself to butt moisture.

Butts are such a bother.

[shrug]

@shrug

So you have to go wet butt and dab dry.

I mean, there was definitely evidence of people who did not lead with water in those trash cans but I’m not a monster

[shrug]

I want to be clear itt that I am not anti-bidet. It is the hose system. It’s too chaotic for my extremely sedate and parochial butt.

[Father.Torque]

@dylan

I would have been 6 when 9/11 happened

I’m dead

[Father.Torque]

On the other hand, I was pretty clear about what was going on with the Gulf War cause my dad was deployed in it

[Tulpa]

@BIGHEADMODE

@anonymous

I was Extremely Confused about how sex worked.

@Tulpa, you know why I called you here.

OK so I guess BHM really wants the world to know, When I was a child I was really concerned about sex between two men being reciprocally pleasurable and I knew the penis had something to do with it feeling good so I would draw little stick figure drawings of men having sex over and over trying to figure out which position “worked” so that both people were happy.

[Brooks]

when my mum was small she was convinced bidets were in fact bathtubs designed specially for barbie dolls