buff, tatted-up mma trainer david cross is in Hard Target 2


#1

BONUS SHRUGPUNK CONTENT BELOW!!!


#2

Hell yeah David Cross. I need to watch that new Bob and David on Netflix sometime.

Here’s David Cross reading from Goodpussy:


#3

H A R D T A R G E T 2 GOT UR WOO HOMAGES RIGHT HERE

Accidentally kill your Fight Brother in the ring? Time to head to Bangkok there to drink away your sorrows in a riverside shack you share with doves.


#4

Seems kind of weird they didn’t just go with Louisiana again given its ascendancy as a budget movie shoot mecca post-Katrina.


#5

I think Rhona Mitra might be playing an elseworlds Lara Croft who got into big game hunting instead of tomb raiding


#6

one of the other scott adkins hunters says wired magazine described him as “like the Mark Zuckerberg of first person shooters”

when it comes time to collect phones and recording devices he has a flip phone that might have a broken hinge?!


#7

scott adkins has a near-miss with an m79 round and gets blown down a series of dramatically different hillsides until he hits an elephant


#8

the elephants are tended by a Hot Hilltribe Woman Who Speaks Perfect English

she says My Brother Was Hunted Too

Follow Me


#9

oh at some point scott adkins got wet again

what a specimen!


#10

I GUESS IT WOULDN’T BE HARD TARGET WITHOUT SOME MOTORCYCLE NONSENSE

It never reaches the absurd heights of the original. I appreciate them slowing this part down so the audience can see the glasses and appreciate the stuntman’s commitment to safety:


#11

so the Crude American Hick who’s brought his teenage son out to Make Him A Man by killing a wild Scott Adkins catches the Hilltribe Lady while adkins is off on his motorbike adventure and calls his son a PUSSY when said son isn’t into watching his dad do a sexcrime on her?

then after the son runs away she bites Hick Dad in the (covered) balls and manages to kill him mostly off screen with her machete

this machete is broad and blunt but when adkins comes back she is stabbing him with ease over and over with a vague computer-generated version of it

she feels terrible about taking a life but then notices adkins is hurt and takes him to a nearby place for sexy folkhealing

WHAT A CUTE COUPLE!!!


#12

hilltribe lady suddenly knows elaborate martial arts and is throwing high kicks (that were nowhere to be seen during previous moment of punchpunch danger) when she needs to confront and stall alt lady croft

meanwhile adkins does nongunkata vs. jango fett

intimate!


#13

The Last Remaining Hunter is a famous spanish bullfighter

He Has A Smallsword and would prefer that the slurs you address him with be ethnically accurate


#14

everyone’s wet again but the lighting’s just not making it POP


#15

the bad guy brings out our old friend

like a cameo for the climax

there has just been a long boat chase but boat chases are not climactic because they are always bad and never interesting

while scott adkins drove a boat hilltribe lady and her injured brother fought the bullfighter and his sword

this could have been interesting except HL forgot how to fight again now that she was rumbling with a dude once more?!


#16

I don’t think the denouement really addresses the level of international incident I witnessed on screen.

It’s nice that Scott Adkins could settle down teaching kickpunch to children on a martial barge being pulled down a river with lovely assistant Perfect English Hilltribe Lady tho


#17

that’s not an actual thompson center contender though is it?

what are you trying to pull, cheap decades-late straight-to-vod sequel?


#18

anyway I am shrug and this has been my thread goodnight


#19

fuck the dude who made Sinners + Saints and Johnny Strong made another movie 2gether and it’s some kind of zombie crap I guess I’m gonna have to watch that piece of shit


#20

is rhona mitra straight to dvd canon now