True Profit's Kiss (gta 6)

Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young industry lived in a shining castle.
Although it had everything its heart desired, the industry was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.

But then, one winter’s night, an old beggar-woman came to the castle, and offered the industry a single B-game in return for shelter from the bitter job market.

Repulsed by the game’s haggard appearance, the industry sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances, for profit is found within. And when he dismissed her again, the game’s graphics melted away to reveal a beautiful gem.

The industry tried to apologize, but it was too late, for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. And as punishment, she transformed him into a hideous bubble, and placed a powerful spell on the castle, and all who lived there.

Ashamed of his monstrous form, the bubble concealed himself inside his castle, with a market research forecast as his only window to the outside world. The game she had offered was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 2025th year. If he could learn to hire another, and earn them true profit in return, by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to burst for all time.

As the years passed, he fell into despair, and lost all jobs. For who could ever learn to love the industry?


I think now that the Switch 2 info/date has dropped Rockstar will make their move.

Are people interested in GTA6? What if it fails? I think that’d be more interesting but extremely unlikely.

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i love this website

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Well the Houser brothers are no longer in charge of writing so MAYBE the story won’t be mid as shit. Will the shooting remain mid? Will they rename the scooter to not have a homophobic slur in it? How much boneheaded south-park level commentary is going to be in there? Will the mission design also be generally underwhelming? I know the answers to most of these questions.

After playing the Saints Row series, I realized that open world crime games can be fun. After playing Mafia 3 I realized open world crime games could have actually good writing. I don’t think Rockstar is looking at Saints Row mission design and they certainly don’t have it in them to come anywhere close to Mafia 3’s writing. These things don’t really matter because the brand is so strong. It some ways it feels like the last of it’s kind - GTA 6 took so long to make that GTA 7 will probably come out on the PS7 and who knows if Xbox will even be around by then.

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I haven’t played more than a minute or two of a GTA game since the first two PC games and if I ever break that streak maybe it’ll be the mobile port of Chinatown Wars or something

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GTA peaked with 4 and chinatown wars, 5 was a massive sanding the edges off of the things you spend the entire game doing (driving and shooting) and I’m looking forwards to gta 6 being total dogshit but people inexplicably liking it because you play as a woman even though you will be forced to hang out with her undoubtedly terrible, annoying crime boyfriend

I just 100% completed 3, am in the middle of Vice City and it’s kind of amazing that these guys have spent the past 20 years barely getting any better at mission design. At least they learned how to string cutscenes together better I guess??

I think a particularly annoying thing about gta 4 is it almost has a coherent story but you can do stuff seemingly out of the order they want the story to go in so the last 1/3 of the game is dominated by Niko working for the shit mafia but if you already did UL Paper there’s no reason for you to even get involved with these fucking guys, because your reward for that mission chain is that he’s going to find Niko’s guy for him. Which means all the promises Pegorino makes to you mean nothing because you don’t need him!!! You just do this shit so he can dramatically show up at the end even though the game already has a villain in Dimitri Rascalov it’s so fucking dumb.

San Diego is the only rockstar studio worth a shit anymore. That’s why rdr2 was good, even though I have a bunch of problems with the writing as well! The first one is probably my favorite Rockstar game still

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mostly co-sign this, I think if they have an opportunity to do anything interesting with 6 it’s to make the mechanics a bit more exaggerated and arcade-y since they seem allergic to making the driving and shooting as fun as they’d have to be to sell any other game, and the writing should also improve under different leads.

RDR1 is the only GTA game I ever liked enough to finish, and KCD2 is like a much more appealing version of RDR2 for me personally. I have never been at all bullish on Rockstar but they have such an open goal to actually have fun if they ever really felt like it. even now I feel like I only barely understand the hype which is probably why I expect better, because I’m grasping here.

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For me the biggest problem with 4 was the ol’ ludonarrative dissonance: the whole plot is built around Niko’s desperation and his need for money but you can go around doing the random world missions and have like 10 million dollars or whatever. Both RDR games are much better at papering this over.

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Ehhh I think the biggest problem really is that they give you a choice at the end of MONEY or SELF-RESPECT and the money choice is blatantly insane. They’re really big into this in GTA 5 as well. Niko isn’t purely driven by money in the story he’s looking for the guy who betrayed his squad and fled to America.

When I played rdr2 I had enough money to take the entire gang to tahiti, maybe twice over, by the time you finish the first chapter around valentine. The players personal money in rockstar games is basically your score. They don’t like try to have a balanced economy, almost everything is gated by story/activity progress. Its a purely abstract barrier towards goods and services with no real meaning narratively. This was established as far back as GTA 3 at least with regards to “modern” style rockstar games.

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I stopped playing gta after getting punished for cheating. fuck you I’m not driving a taxi for better items I want a rocket launcher and I want it NOW

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me but about the ambulance in San Andreas I just wait until Angel Pine because its considered separate from everything else and has a hospital so you can do it 4x as fast. I want my max health!!!

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Now that I think about it GTA 5 actually did try to make money matter and it was horrible because it meant shit like trying to manipulate the stock market was vitally important or you ended up not being able to buy all the extremely overpriced assets. And on top of that your money was split between three characters…

This whole thing is exactly why Saints Row having a respect meter that actually mattered because it determined when you could progress, feels 100% better

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There’s a moment in Saints Row 4 where the super tech army shows up and chases you with VTOL fighter jets, and you’re like “I want one of those” and in the VERY NEXT MISSION you steal one and get to blow shit up. That’s when I was like, “why doesn’t GTA ever do this?”

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Saints Row is also GOATED for putting fursuits in and letting me play the whole game with a cat head on with flipflops and a hoodie.

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Speaking of games letting you do things, GTA is really surprisingly on rails. I often find characters to be really annoying, so I shoot them and fail the mission over and over, and this often is the funnest thing you can do is exercise a little bit of agency, which the game fails you for instantly.

I found Michaels kid to be really a terrible person. So much so that in one mission where you have to drive around and hear his terrible banter, I would get out of the car and blow it up over and over. At the end of the mission, if you don’t blow up the car, Micheals kid actually doses Michael’s drink and you (the player) go into a weird hallucination stage.

This was really when I felt like the games had nowhere to go. I think the most memorable mission in 5 is Trevor flying a plane into another plane and blowing it up, but the rest of the game really doesn’t reach those hights - that mission is like the start of Saints Row 3 and then it escalates from there.

GTA 5 also has a full golf game. You can also go to theaters and watch (pretty bad) movies, and this all seems like a grand expense for a bunch of throwaway content most players will miss but the inclusion has a wow factor to it. I wonder if GTA 6 will also have these.

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Presumably yes it will be chock full of insanely expensive goofy immersion shit, that’s Rockstar’s calling card and why it’s taken like 10 years to make it or whatever. Both RDRs have the same stuff. There’s a way in which it is the most interesting thing about them, sort of analogous to how the voice acting is the most interesting thing about a Naughty Dog game, but it doesn’t actually make them good games. Just… weird objects. What if you spent one billion dollars trying to make the holodeck.

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Tangerine Dream soundtrack tho.

I can’t remember a song from 5 honestly.

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Last time I played through GTA IV a year or so back I ended the game with almost a half million bucks in my pocket, much of it the score from the bank heist, which felt about right for the story.

In the other games it’s easy to end up with a ton of money early on but IV was a lot more stingy about that stuff.

I think with Sam Houser being president of Rockstar and Dan and Leslie Benzies and everyone else who’s left over the years means he is now the sole driving creative force for the game. This means VI will probably lean heavily into his “simulationist” preferences. “Immersive” is the right word, yeah. Think about how Red Dead 2’s control scheme was more complex than any other game of that scope so you could do authentic cowboy stuff like draw your weapon, cock the hammer manually for each shot so you could do that fanning move you see in western movies where they rapid fire the pistol, manually reload it, then holster it again with a twirl. I won’t be surprised if VI takes things to that level. Maybe that bit from the leaks wasn’t just a developer editor tool and you really will be able to adjust the seat in the car or adjust the mirrors and sun visors for first person driving, in game in real time.

At the very least we’ll probably see gyms return where you can work out and get buff like in San Andreas. All that sort of stuff was Sam Houser pushing for it. There’s all sorts of things to get up to that few people know about. Did you know you can date the strippers in GTA V if you find their profiles on the in-game internet dating site?

And while there is no guarantee anything from the leaks will actually be in the game I think there’s a good chance that the broad strokes stuff on display will still be there. The stuff like in-car third person camera so you can see your character aiming and shooting out the back window or the fact that you can go prone and crawl around on your belly indicates there may be more in depth stealth system at play. Owning small businesses to use as fronts for money laundering gains made from large scores will probably be part of it as well.

But will it be at the same level of detail, or beyond, that they did in Red Dead 2? Will we be walking into gas stations and picking up individual items off shelves and looking at them close up in our hands? Hard to imagine them going to that length given the game world is going to be some order of magnitude larger than the previous games but that level of indulgence is what I’m expecting from them.

Will it be $100? The story mode might be as a one time purchase but Online will probably be a monthly subscription of $15-$20.

Those are my predictions. Can the industry support it? Probably for a time but everything will gradually reorient to a subscription based, pay as you go model. Everyone already has their own subscription service, including Rockstar, so why pay $100 to “own” a digital license to the game when you can just pay $18 a month and get access to it and all their other games? And a physical copy that can be resold? Those will only be available for the ones able and willing to pay premium pricing.

For AAAA gaming it’s probably either that or crash.

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There was a rumor a few years ago from someone who was presumably an insider because they posted a bunch of details from the first trailer over a year before the trailer was announced. They said there was a 3v3 basketball game in VI. Like you can walk onto any basketball court in the game and play pick up games with random people.

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I haven’t played a rockstar game since san andreas so I definitely don’t give a shit, but yeah, of course they’re about to bump the price and drag everyone else with them. the solution should not be to try to sell these games for $100, it should be to stop making them. there are lots of different kinds of video games. most of them don’t cost $500 million to make. in fact, only one kind does. if you’re rockstar and maybe sony you can make them and not die. no one else has demonstrated an ability to do that.

oh also rockstar are DEFINITELY going to charge a monthly fee for GTA6 online, which will probably fail because the people who play GTA online aren’t going to have the hardware to play GTA6

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