ya gotta praise it for consistency
the first thing you do in bujingai is a sword dance inside a comet headed straight for a volcano
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Saints Row: after getting rescued by Keith David you gotta fight him and some other Saints to prove your worth.
Saints Row 2: after getting reconstructive surgery (character creator) from a yacht explosion you fight your way out of a prison hospital (first thing you can do is grab an IV pole and brain a guard with it)
Saints Row 3: Rob a bank.
Saints Row 4: Stab a terrorist.
Someone do the Yakuza series! I think most them is walk forward 5 feet?
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downwell: jump down a well
crypt of the necrodancer: hit a button for two minutes to set video and audio latency
gone home: rotate a duck
the witness: swipe right
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Sword and Fairy 6: read 10+ pages of tutorial text and then get thrust into a battle, not realising until the victory screen that you weren’t actually controlling the main character, you were the one fighting him
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Pretty sure it is just Walk Through the Arches in at least a few of them.
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well, in at least 2 of them, you are paying respects to dead people in the graveyard.
Oh shit, yeah, so it might just be part 1 that starts with that, because they gotta let you get your recap in.
The first thing you do in Smurfs for Colecovision is impale yourself on the picket fence surrounding your smurf house 
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the first thing you do in persona 3 is leave a train
the first thing you do in okami is stop being a statue
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The first thing you do in Loom is watch the last leaf of the year fall
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The first thing you do in Skate or Die is talk to Rodney Dangerfield, who has a mohawk
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Chrono Trigger – Get woken up by your mom
Earthbound – Get woken up by a knock on the door
Dragon Quest Builders 2 – Get woken up by a skeleton pretending to be God
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Actraiser - Get woken up by destiny
technically by a cherub
Part of Rudie’s point in the original post is what is the first actual thing the player does. Like lots of cutscenes happen before you walk across that street in KH2, but then the first thing the player (not their character, who is Roxas, and who does some shit before this) actually does is walk across that street to another cutscene of not doing anything. It’s hilarious.
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the first thing you do in skate or die 2 is sing along to the theme song
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the first thing you do in total distortion is get completely overwhelmed
The Skate or Die series may be the epitome of starting out incredibly strong in the first one or two screens, and then immediately plummeting into deep unfunness
I guess that would also apply to a lot of Commodore 64 games with cool loader music
skate or die 2 is all about ramp mode and its incredibly strong the whole way through
after singing along with the song, the first thing you ACTUALLY do in skate or die 2 is hit the select button to go to ramp mode
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