Coffee (Formerly Eternally Doomed (Formerly Nu-DOOM Murder Junkies (Formerly I played the Doom closed alpha on PS4)))

I can’t get interested in this game at all. for me the original doom was some transcendent you had to be there for it experience thing and this is just a 2016 videogame. and the memery (“rip and tear” thumbs up in the lava etc) is disgusting.

and there’s something about perfectly animated 3d models that’s boring as hell. it’s like how sierra and lucas arts had these sprite characters with like six frames of animations and there was something pleasing about seeing them walk across the screen. then they had 3d adventure games, and seeing fully animated movement was slow and boring. I don’t think it’s a coincidence they started adding in skip buttons for moving across the screen in adventure games around then. also glowing spell or superpower effects on things in games is another thing that just looks really boring to me in 3d.

I realize I’m just old and appreciating graphical abstraction more and more now though.

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I don’t think it’s just that you have a preference for graphical abstraction, you’re correctly reacting to the fact that the visual design for this game is not great. It’s samey, muddled and cluttered, missing the vivid expressiveness of the original artwork (the Cacodemon is a shadow of his former self). That’s also why I had no interest in this before it started getting good reviews.

Still, this game has at least two things going for it on the visual front: one, the animators are fantastic and clearly enjoyed themselves not only making the glory kills, but also more subtle things like the determined limp of the cyborg cult leader NPC. Two, hell looks like a heavy metal album cover.

I sort of want to play this on a lark but I:

  • never got into the original doom as a kid
  • have a major attrition problem with 3D shooters in general
  • wasn’t that thrilled with the new wolfenstein
  • have already spent $80 on two AAA games that I could’ve done without in hindsight (uncharted 4 and xcom 2) and the current CAD exchange rate + keeping up with new releases is making me uncomfortable even though I can afford it, and AAA windows games are suddenly unpirateable, bless them

so instead I’ve made this useless post about why I probably won’t

You don’t have Redbox in Canada?

they gave up a couple years ago

the only plausible way to try out console games without financial commitment (there’s still steam refunds which I avail myself of a whole lot these days, because 90 minutes of something is often all I want) is buying a physical copy and reselling it on craigslist and if I didn’t already hate the first part I might be willing to put up with the second

If you have a 360 or Xbone, play Halo Reach first. It remains the best-balanced, challenging and dynamic single-player FPS campaign. It’s only 13$ now.

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I think the only FPS campaign I’ve liked enough to play the whole way through since Modern Warfare was Metro 2033!

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i’m sort of surprised you didn’t get into the new wolfenstein, it seems humored enough to be up your alley

you should give doom2 a shot these days it holds up remarkably well until the last third

The thing that got me about Neufenstein was, actually, how emotionally grabbing it was. These dumb characters breathe!

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I got new-hitman instead because after U4 I want a game where snapping people’s necks isn’t incidental and I like that they’ll sell you fewer levels for less money, I’d almost always rather have a game with fewer levels for less money.

how is it?

it’s good

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shouldn’t his hands have praetor armor gauntlets on them instead of default doom brown gloves

NO.

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Look at those Nerf trashfunnels

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i never really thought about it before but i love even more that he takes his gloves off for fisticuffs in og doom than that he also slides brass knucks on em too.

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The wonders of analog distortion.

I listened to the soundtrack and I am reluctant to call it music

It sounds like something that would work well in context of the game but is unlistenable on its own

and this is coming from someone who likes industrial metal