Movies You Watched Today: Youtube VHS Rip - Part 3 of XX

Something I keep thinking about this movie but failed to put in the post is near the end. The guy who invents the time travel machine says something along the lines of:

What if you could stop the civil war before it started? Save all of those lives? But how far would you have to go back to kill the idea? How many people do you have to kill before the idea dies?

And I’m like, man, do you really want to stop the American Civil War? Do you really know exactly what you’re saying here? Because you don’t seem to be saying “We could stop the civil war by preventing slave trade from ever happening”, you’re more saying “We could stop the civil war by making sure the south never rebelled.”

WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN BY THAT, DUDE

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There was a 90s vhs tape of celebrities talking about being shameless alcoholics that I watched once and drunk Patrick Duffy says that America’s big mistakes were two wars and Prohibition. What do you think he meant by that. I bet for a lot of people it’s vietnam and the civil war,

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the revolutionary war and the bay of pigs invasion

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The man lived through the Cola Wars . . . never forget . . .

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Ever since I watched 10 sniper movies I can’t stop thinking about sniper. I guess this makes sense because I watched that many of them right but I don’t know, they were all kind of shit to a consistent degree. But there is something that still bothers me, I guess it’s kind of funny to want to hold like a reactionary movie franchise for dads to standards, but like it really fucking bothers me that sniper ended up as the dumping ground for chad michael collins to do operator shit when infinity ward isn’t knocking on his door for modern warfare. the first movie would nearly be profound if Luis Llosa could direct his way out of a fucking wet paper bag, a brief look at what happens when the pigs hollow out a man with a melon baller and let him rot in a jungle with a decade with nothing else but a rifle and an endless list of targets, a psychosexual nightmare where the effete NSA dandy played by Billy Zane stumbles around the jungle like a little boy while the sniper attempts to pull him into the world of gay fascism that has consumed him. billy zane is virginal, he has never killed another man before, never watched himself enter someone else, and the whole movie is like tom berenger seductively whispering to him about how he needs to “do it…FEEL THE RUSH” and send his fucking cock through another mans heart already. but it’s just a job, he doesn’t think about it, right, just like billy zane doesn’t think about it when he spends all night crawling through the mud to rescue a man who has spent the entire movie trying to poison him, poison his soul irreversibly… lies they tell to make themselves feel better. and he finally succumbs to the power of killing…it should be tragic, it is tragic! though this series feels totally disinterested in what is actually like the core emotional arc of it to me, the story of the sniper man who can’t stop killing, the protagonist who’s life is perpetual violence that he can’t stop dragging people into. Billy Zane comes back in Sniper: Reloaded to counsel Beckett’s son and it’s kind of a great piece of character work on his part, because we see what’s happened in the past decade: the poison worked. hes butched up, he is just as hollow now, and he gets to have the same arc with beckett’s son that he had with his father all those years ago, which would might actually be interesting if the movie bothered to draw these parallels at all - instead of something emotionally relevant like his first kill at the end of the first movie it instead takes time to revel in shit like him blowing the upper half of a guy’s torso apart with a sniper rifle like Rambo 4. In its own way I think you could make it work, because now that the demon has him it demands blood too, but then that’s not in service of the movie’s actual plot about rescuing belgian guys from their plantation in the congo at the behest of the UN or how white big game hunters in Africa are cool.

A franchise at odds with itself. In a way it’s almost appropriate that this franchise has degenerated into misogynist snuff porn where the characters performatively weep over gunned down camgirls, where the one woman is just poor Yuki getting punched in the stomach over and over in John Wick fights, where the violence is now like supposed to be whimsical and justified and everyone is quipping like a Marvel movie after blowing some guy’s head apart with a .338 Lapua. You are now fully subsumed into the state, extrajudicial murder is a fact of life, a necessary evil, they have you body and soul now. Beckett’s conflict in the earlier films was a sign of weakness. He was a weak man who wanted to put the rifle down, not like his son, who delves into his CIA contract killer work with gusto.

When I watched Sniper 3 I wondered why beckett keeps doing every single shitty thing the ostensible fed villains of every movie want him to, and like it’s obviously the subtext of this broken man doing literally anything he can to get back to the world of killing, they kick him out of army after the first movie cuz he gets his trigger finger cut off…in sniper 2 it takes basically zero convincing to get him to go to serbia because he knows it’s probably a suicide mission and at least he can die on the battlefield, it’s like some Mishima shit with Beckett, he just wants to get domed by another sniper good enough to kill him. And Bokeem Woodbine’s death row inmate hot shit delta boy takes the mission because he wants to die outside of cage, his last words before succumbing to his wounds “Freedom!”, these are the final words of the movie actually… because it’s something beckett can never have. No point in dwelling any further. There’s something interesting in one of the sequels, probably Sniper: Legacy (which has the tagline “Like Father. Like Son. Born To Kill.” btw) where he like lays out this elaborate fantasy about running a fishing hole in north carolina or something, and eventually I think his son has to tell him that it hasn’t existed for over ten years, and you can see on his face that part of him just withered away…he clung to that for a long time. There is no way out other than a shallow grave in the twilight world of soldiers.

“He picked me because he knew he could mold me,” Malvo said at Red Onion. “He knew I could be what he needed me to be. . . . He could not have chosen a better child.” Muhammad would lurk over Malvo’s shoulder and tell him to envision himself shooting and killing the old Lee Malvo, the weak Lee Malvo, the wayward Lee Malvo.

So Malvo shot at himself, over and over and over again. When it came time for the first killing — Kenya Cook, 21, in Tacoma in February 2002 — Malvo said it was almost automatic. Muhammad told him what to do and he did it, he said. He saw his own face on Cook’s and was thinking he shot himself. He said he doesn’t even remember what she looked like. He vomited later, racked with grief.

“That was the beginning of the end,” Malvo said. “I knew I was going to die one way or the other, that going down this path ended with my death.”

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Tubi autoplayed into Autumn last night, which is based on a book I barely recall reading back in 2003-ish. I didn’t recall liking Autumn, but I’ve seen good adaptations of terrible books (see: Battle Royale) so I let it play through. This movie is so goofy – it’s edited like the second Resident Evil movie where like, a bunch of shots are slowed down and blurry, lots of trivial tilting close-ups on faces, and strange scene transitions (there’s one that freezes on a shot, and then slowly zooms in, for absolutely no reason). I’m not even sure where the fuck this is supposed to be set because the two main dudes are English, everybody else sounds Canadian or European trying to do an American accent, and the environments all look European, but the cars are American Configured. It also feels like they just filmed the book straight, and then gutted out stuff arbitrarily for time. Characters will just mention things that we’ve not seen or heard about as if we should know, or like, you’ll realize wait, weren’t there four or five of these fuckers? Oh yeah, they split off, but you forget that happens because it was just a scene of dudes standing around talking.

The stakes also feel pretty low because we don’t actually see the zombies do much or act as much of a threat to the protagonists. Even the closed captioning is goofy and bad. It has David Carradine at the very end, but it’s like… who cares? It’s Old Man David Carradine, they probably paid him in copies of his own Tai Chi workout video.

It reminds me of those bad 90s Stephen King adaptations like The Langoliers or something.

Also, these people are really casual about being around these walking corpses. I wouldn’t want to be around them if they hadn’t gotten back up.

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Leo on Netflix: Adam Sandler’s private press with his daughters in supporting roles. there’s a joke about the classroom iguana not knowing how to count and getting stuck at 20 & the classroom turtle says “I can show you how to get to 21 but not with all these kids around” :mugging to camera: “I was talking about his tail!” :cigar waggle: and I had to explain the double entendres and also who the fuck Groucho Marx was to a 12 year old. has a great unexpected musical number by Jason Alexander as some Florida cosmetic dentist

Wish: ugh, all the backgrounds have awful watercolour paper textures slapped on them to evoke the ‘classic’ style of the old Disney movies. would be maybe passible if there had any colours other than muddy grey, green, blue grey. story had too many background sidekick characters. shoulda cast Jason Alexander as the king

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MG and i both hadn’t seen the killer in years so we watched it the other day and. man. yknow you think to yourself “i know how how gay The Killer is, and that’s very” and then you watch it again and its just like. wow are half of the scenes these two dudes fucking holy shit. its unreal. i have never seen someone look more in love than detective li ying staring at the killer as the two lay there, arms intertwined, guns to each other’s heads, calling each other fucking pet names. what performances. what a film

also my best pal n i watched You Were Never Really Here. what a film! you sure can tell its written and directed by someone who isnt a dude and it owns. the soundscapes and visuals they use to represent our protagonist’s inner world were real as hell, for me, like yeah dude i also am overwhelmed as though by a giant wave when i hear the sounds of a city street

movies might be pretty alright

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really chuffed to discover dennis cooper has it on his list of favorite movies… as far as im concerned its like not just a great homoerotic, homosocial film but also a great catholic film… obviously we should criticize the evil influence of the catholic church that has persisted for literal centuries (cf. yasumi matsuno) but it’s could i deny that jesus didnt inspire michelangelo, beethoven, and john woo

im being a little facetious but i do think pretty much every john woo film feels Extremely Catholic

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the one time i did mushrooms i was walking home and i was like “shit i don’t remember this river being here” as i crossed a bridge over a river but it turns out it was definitely just a highway which is like, a river of sorts if you think about it maaaan

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Killers of the Flower Moon was great in a theater. I am Real Sad now. Do it again Scorsese!

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Was not planning on seeing Godzilla Minus One in theatres but a friend couldn’t make it last minute and offered me their ticket so I joined some others and it was a nice Sunday afternoon surprise. love lil arm thicc bottom neo-old school Gojira and it was fun to see 'em fuck shit up with a theatre sound system! The human melodrama did keep me engaged but idk what I think about this reimagining of history where the Japanese government is bad but mostly because it didn’t care for its people well enough to provide enough rations and ejection seats* in planes and maybe withholds too much information from them and Big G is considered less an also-victim/retributor of Man’s Folly (not much of an environmentalist angle here that I recall) and mainly an opportunity to rally and redeem the Japanese spirit with another war but it’s different this time because this war’s run by The People against a Non People and boy it’s a shame they took our weapons away but where there’s a will (both the Japanese and U.S. governments are strangely AWOL (the Americans trigger Zilla but are too busy playing footsie with the Soviets so they’re basically like, yeah Japan, uh, do whatever you gotta do)) and hey I’m not pro-kamikaze but if Koichi had sacrificed himself and Noriko stayed dead I’d have left the theatre with a lot more feelings than I did having things so neatly resolved but I did legit get a kick out of her being infected (?)

*I enjoyed tallying how many times That ejection seat was set up (first in the “government didn’t care about us” speech, then when the mechanic rubs his fingers over some German text in the apparently Nazi-modified plane that saves the day and then finally when the mechanic tells our pilot, “check this out” before they cut away to the final showdown…and so you know what’s gonna happen well ahead of time)

maybe I’m overthinking a monster movie! I also woulda shown less Godzilla and kept 'em mysterious in that opening sequence, really screw with the survivor’s minds like what was that a secret weapon or? will anyone believe us? but hey I get it you gotta give the people a little monster since after that there is a bit of a lull in that department

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May December was great and complex. There are very few scenes in the film where I would say something obviously sad is happening, but there are equally few scenes in it that aren’t underscored with a seriously affecting sense of tragedy. Except some hilarious camp about Nathalie Portman tastelessly giving her all to nail a performance in what basically ends up being a kitsch Hallmark drama about a trashy scandal it’s otherwise a really stirring and non-didactic story about abuse and abusers. Charles Melton gave an astounding performance in this. Really, really great.

Todd Haynes is back.

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I really want to watch that because it’s extremely funny to me that todd haynes made a big budget lifetime movie about mary kay letourneau

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Yeah it’s actually a really strong melodrama that is just also about how movies like Stalked by My Doctor get made lol

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Moz always watches movies whenever she goes on gabapentin. Tonight she’s rewatching Elvis’ Clambake with us. You can see it in he eyes.


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Tubi autoplayed into something called Flesh Eater, which I had kind of heard about (in the sense that I knew a movie existed starring the First Zombie from NotlD), but it always seemed really shitty from the pictures so I never bothered. This movie seems to exist solely so the First Zombie from Night of the Living Dead can grope women and gnaw on their chests and not get in trouble for it. There’s really no plot or anything going on, it doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense, the make-up and effects are bad, and I’m pretty comfortable assuming this exists solely so this old dude could cop a bunch of feels.

Look at this guy. He’s like your grandfather’s creepy brother nobody in the family talks to anymore because he took a mortgage out on his sister’s house and opened up credit cards in everybody’s name so he could make a zombie movie where he’s the star so he can gnaw on college-aged women’s chests.

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Yeah this is totally a John De Hart-style project, only way worse. At least John De Hart got Wings Hauser.

I give it No Stars out of several :star:

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gonna get blasted with multi-sensory skreeonks at an IMAX screening of MINUS ONE tonight :sunglasses:


Oh also last night I watched this American horror film from the 70s called Messiah of Evil. It’s the strong atmosphere of doom that reminds me of the caustic cynicism of George Romero and some of Carpenter’s horror films, but here it is an inexplicable cursedness permeating and downbeating everything. It has this psychedelic, dream-like quality that also reminds me of Carnival of Souls.

Big recommendation. It may become a seasonal tradition for me.

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anthony perkins is an elezen

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