omg last summer was so beautiful to look at so amazingly acted and so FUCKING EVIL
also the credits song is my second favorite punchline after a movie (FIRST PLACE IS STROKIN AFTER KILLER JOE OF COURSE)
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Havenāt seen it myself but Stroheim was a genius.
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hello everyone, a girl invited me to see the minecraft movie. here is my special report
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itās not very good
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the movie has been out like two days but somehow the theater was full of teens shouting lines from the trailer in time with each shot and applauding
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one of the teens really wanted everyone to see their laser pointer
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the c plot is kind of funny, i mean itās basically a 5 minute comedy sketch but it works i guess? the movieās so disinterested in it that it wraps it up in a post-credits scene
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the other post-credits scene is a sequel hook
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genuinely baffling that this movie exists and is like this. like i get it, itās the videogame movie trailer adaptation meme made real, itās vfx slop, itās a 2000s jack black movie that was made to compete with shrek and left to mold in the fridge for 20 years, but like, man. i dunno. like imagine you stripped a movie down to the bones and replaced all the connective tissue with videogame references. maybe the weirdest part is that i think they are actually trying to sell the audience on character arcs?
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thereās a villain and her backstory is that she auditioned for Netherās Got Talent once
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i heard an owl on the way home
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It is so incredibly odd to me that they made a Minecraft movie that is not at all about building things. It is so violent, it has that napoleon dynamite toothless misanthropy, it probably cost a ton of money and that seems so short sighted to me when they probably coulda made even more money on a lower budget by building all of the sets and costumes out of cardboard and then selling like official Minecraft cardboard boxes to children and children at heart.
I mean maybe itās not all that odd that this movie is indistinguishable from every other Hollywood picture Iāve seen over the last XX years, itās not like I expect anyone involved with these things to make something smart or gentle, but there are lots of child friendly movies with legs that arenāt about murdering pigs, itās some real shortsighted shit. At least all the bits that looked kinda gay were funny, there sure were a buncha crotch area stuff, thatās so much better than violence.
Also did this pass the Bechdel test, I talked over most of the movie but I was being equal opportunity rude throughout, I talked over the boys and the girls and the creepers, Iām cool, Iām cool
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i think the only opportunity for this was uh. a couple scenes with the girl who looks like sheās 14 but is apparently an adult talking to the zookeeper, and iām pretty sure those were both about, like, taking care of the boychild or about reuniting steve with his dog, so no
and yeah i agree with everything you said lol. i mean i guess the fact that it turned out to be rocky horror picture show for tiktok teens surprised me more than any of the content could, i wandered into that comic where they yell that THE SLOP IS BACK, but idk it wasnāt camp in a way i got anything out of other than feeling kinda old and sad
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i watched about 10 minutes of it skimming through bits on the indian betting site that somehow got a leaked copy with half the movie looking unfinished and i think this was the ideal viewing experience
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Iāll be honest I want to get the Jack Black action figure and try to get his autograph on it
My 12 year old has bugged me about seeing this movie and in the process of bugging quoted meme-lines at me behind a suppressed giggle, so for reasons that Iām positive are dark it has achieved some kind of youtube shorts breakthrough
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the girl i was with had to explain this to me but apparently there are multiple āyoutuber cameos.ā in a better minecraft movie thatād be somewhere between excusable and goodā¦ in this movie itās the most modern thing about it, along with the plot shambling in a daze between āclippableā scenes that donāt really work out of context either. i can definitely imagine those clippable scenes getting written first and everything else getting backfilled, it tracks with how executives think about movies and would explain a lot about how it feels to watch it. so yeah, dark
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I kept thinking later that the minecraft movie had to compete with people watching tiktok on their phones in the theaters so the film is basically a vince russo era WCW episode where nothing can breath and random nonsensical things are constantly happening.
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the part where the film pauses and cuts away to The Flash handing over a suitcase of money felt like 2025 distilled into a single moment
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wait sorry what are we talking about here? i know about the leaked cut generally but not this
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2 instances of the leaked cut have (different) baked-in advertisements that start with a virtual transport control (play/pause/etc.) overlay appearing on the video to pause it, and then it either zooms back or cuts away to some ad depending on which version youāre looking at. then eventually it comes back to the video and āunpausesā it
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canāt wait to see what kind of abomination hollywood comes up with when they try to recreate this phenomenon on purpose
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we watched 1987ās devilman the birth and iām gonna consider it a movie. it was good. iām glad i finally saw the source on a gif that gave me lots of inspiration during bad times (fanged titties). i love that akiraās not-girlfriend feels threatened by how pretty ryou is and how clueless akira is about her.
we watched with the original voices tho i know the dub is probably really fun
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hahahaha omg
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Watched Dog Day Afternoon after having it on my watchlist for 11 years. What a movie.
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