metroid quarantine thread

Introducing a half life 2 style character you have to protect and pointless open world mechanics is so funny like what are they doing and why is it a Metroid game

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Who is the person at Nintendo putting motorcycles in their games? First Zelda then this. What’s next, the next Mario gets a power up that turns Mario into a Vespa?

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fact is metroid should’ve been enthusiastically, irreparably torn off the nintendo gargant decades ago by cave raiders

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What the hell is Joxer?

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Destiny 2 character apparently

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Metroid Dread is pretty good though. There is still hope for Metroid.

And maybe you just spend the first part of the game building a team and then the other part they all become background characters on your ship or whatever and you can just ignore them. You never know.

I don’t want to believe Metroid Prime is dead or dying but yikes. It is painful to see what the series has become.

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The Sony prestige first party nudge-em-all virus has escaped containment

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Joxer’s a comic relief character in Xena: Warrior Princess. As the son of a feared warlord, he feels great pressure to become a warrior, but he’s absolutely terrible at it. He thinks he’s a hero, but he fucks up at every corner. He’s a goofy moron with a heart of gold. In the second season, they introduce him as a sort of third wheel who tags along with the lead lesbian couple and tries to be as cool as them. He was a really divisive character. Those who were into the show for its queer subtext often (but not always) despised him, but he was very popular with teen boys who watched the show; presumably they could identify with his awkward but well-meaning attempts to fit in.

Personally, I like the guy. Ted Raimi puts a lot of charisma into his performance. He’s rarely all that funny, but what really makes his character work for me is his occasional flash of pathos. He spends the whole show getting clowned on, but every once in a while something cuts through his bravado and you see his insecurities laid bare. It’s surprisingly honest and affecting.

Anyway it’s uncanny how much this metroid character is giving Joxer vibes, except with way worse dialogue. I actually think there’s a small chance it’s intentional, with Samus occupying Xena’s tough warrior woman role in the relationship. Joxer rules but he doesn’t belong in Metroid. Then again, some would say he didn’t belong in The Grudge either…

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I’ve started to surmise that some contingent at Nintendo must strongly agree

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There’s an entire genre dedicated to trying to do just that.

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This would drive me crazy but also make me laugh, so do it Nintendo

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One super mario wonder was enough -_-

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They’ve finally done it… the Unreal 2 of Metroid…

i’ve been laughing so much at these news! i mean i hate it but it’s also such an absolutely bizarre fuck up and its so alien to me

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IMHO Samus’s comedy sidekick ought to be a metroid who gained the power of speech after it ate an X parasite that had cloned a human. And everything it says should be vaguely sinister non sequiturs, like the sentient fungus species in Star Control 2

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Early previews suggest there might be one new different sidekick per area, and each will still be able to talk to you via intercom

So I imagine later on this sidekick could join a conversation through your helmet with a later arrogant rival sidekick and and a zany sidekick a cool stoic lady sidekick as they talk about space pirate lore etc while you’re exploring. Endless possibilities

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Yes hahaha yes

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