it takes a war is dogshit, indika is hilarious, thank you for reading
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the game feels like the only tricks it learned were from the beginners guide guy and once it starts deploying them it’s like oh that’s it? all this to make the rhetorical point that it’s real sad and solemn to see and know a relationship has fallen apart even if it is emphemeral and online
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Star Wars: Outlaws is like a delicious ice cream sundae with delightful toppings and decorations, shoved into a blender and handed to you as a milkshake you idly sip while chatting about how weird the Aqualish look
I fucked up the stealth on the first big mission by accidentally loosing a stun shot near a patrolling pair and one came over to investigate while the other panicked for 1 second “huh, guess it’s gone now”. oh well, am comforted that I would not have missed anything for a perfect unseen mission
some of the lines… at the beginning of when control is given to the player, Kay can look at desk and says “enough practice, time for the real thing”. real what? tables?? then the rest of the stage, the objectives were ignored while I hunted for a table she could call her own. she’s written as if she would be fooled by a wallet inspector, and not a devious bone in her body. can’t wait to unlock Fast Talk and hear her explain away the gravy stain on her pants as an act of sabotage by her enemies, the (uh) Nemenies Mob, and also you weren’t even at the Arby’s so how would you know
I must share that my kids are mildly entertained by the game, except when gambling comes up. then the youngest locks in, think you need to draw a Sand card dad, Oh Yeah That’s Sabacc, cha-ching
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my full suite of reactions to Star Wars: Outlaws:
uncontrollable laughter
when does this become fun
when does this become interesting
oh this is asscreed star wars with less climbing
uncontrollable laughter
oh wait there’s still climbing it is just shittier
wow this game sucks incredibly bad
uncontrollable laughter
thinking about the inevitability of death and the pointlessness of existence
so, it got some big grins out of me! 10/10
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Digging this bond game I’m afraid.
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I bought Night Striker Gear since I see it on sale and it seems pretty neat. I haven’t worked out how enemy shot blanking is actually supposed to work and I can’t reliably beat a run on anything above easy. But it’s neat.
I like the way your little hover car pops out wheels so it can run along the road when you move all the way to the bottom of the play area.
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I was going to play Tales from the Borderlands but I guess I only ever bought the first of the five episodes. Maybe it had been a morbid curiosity purchase years ago.
I was already going into this with not so much enthusiasm, and I don’t want to throw extra money at this. So I just said screw it and deleted it off my PS4. Maybe it’ll be an Epic Store freebie in its complete form one day or something
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Adventure people seem to claim that against all expectations Tales from the Borderlands is actually really good? Somehow? I can never quite find it in myself to believe them, but I’ve heard it more than once
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I’m willing to believe it because I enjoy a lot of Telltale stuff, despite being very lukewarm on the whole Borderlands IP
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I was baited into that and I remember Tales being fine but forgettable (have forgotten it) . If I had to pull a memory I think it was a little less relentlessly cynical & obnoxiously insecure than Borderlands proper but still missed the mark comedically (for me), like watching a one season sitcom on Crackle thats almost funny. I think those Telltale Batman games have to be more interesting in their status as stealth Michael Kirkbride projects alone.
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Someone once tried to convince me that tales from the borderlands is good actually and they linked the funniest scene from it according to them and it was just a bit stolen from Spaced
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Hello friends. The other day I got to visit an American arcade thanks to the kindness of some of my other friends. It was miffy’s birthday and they were like “Let’s celebrate by gaming in another state!” And I got to tag along cuz I’m every bit as intelligent and good looking and funny as miffy. Believe it. This is not some Star 80 situation. We are equals. People wanted to take me to the arcade on my birthday too. It just never happened cuz I thought streaming episodes of HBO’s Real Sex on Discord would be way more fun. And I was right! BELIEVE IT. The arcade was also super fun but not as fun as it coulda been cuz I only played like 3 games cuz I didn’t have any money but that’s the ideal arcade situation for me in 2026. If I had to pay to play any of these games I’d fuckin’ die, I’d just be like “I could do this shit at home for free (if I still had a home)”
When you go to an American arcade a lot of the games have gun’s. They had a Halo game, and a Top Gun game, and this Cyberpunk game. And some others I can’t recall. You know your “Intellectual Property” has made it when it’s licensed for a light gun arcade game. The only one I played was Halo, cuz miffy bullied all us boys into playing it with her. I somehow got stuck playing as Girl Halo and had the lowest accuracy and fewest kills and most deaths. This frustrated me cuz I knew if the 4 of us had played real deal Halo I woulda fucking creamed them all and, maybe, teabagged them some if they got too mouthy. But in the arcade it was impossible, it involved too much horizontal eye movement, and whenever I do that nowadays I see double so I could not aim at all. Probably something I should mention next time I go to the doctor. Anyway guns suck but I’d probably be saying the opposite if we’d played a House of the Dead.
There was some zombie game that had live action full motion videos and some puppets and a disclaimer that the game featured MILD CONTENT. It also had this printed somewhere on the cab. I did not grab my balls but at some point miffy accidentally stole someone else’s wallet. Don’t bother asking her for details on that! They’re very boring. Feel free to ask me though, I can probably make up a really funny lie cuz I’m that kinda guy. Natural born entertainer over here. Not grabbing any balls though. Believe it.
Arcades have so much gambling nowadays. They even have gambling that might appeal to me. I would have loved to blow a few college funds playing Power Pros coin pushers. I think you redeem the coins for prizes and the prizes weren’t too bad. They had a MG Ver.Ka Type A Gundam. I’d take that even though it is a bit of a flimsy kit if I recall correctly. And some candy. Can’t go wrong with candy. They also had Xbox. I don’t want an Xbox. I’d take the headset they had though, maybe it isn’t any good and was overvalued but I miss having a headset for online chats and if I got it with my coin pusher earnings I’d consider it free. Don’t try and tell me it doesn’t count as free. Anything you win with gambling is free…as long as you’re a talented gambler.
The best part of Round 1 used to be how every location had unique Japanese imports. Like the one on Long Island had that one game where you flipped over a physical tea table like that angry dad in that baseball manga. (It broke on opening day, because of Americans.) And another one I went to had the Rhythm Heaven cab. I don’t think this one had nothin’. There were a group of Nesica cabs tucked way in the back but half of them didn’t work and they had a pitiful selection. All modern SNK and Blazblue. SNK Heroines has a helluva cast (Lady Skullomania!!), shame about how it’s a stupid game for babies (you can’t crouch!!), so glad I’m not an SNK guy cuz their current state doesn’t wound me at ll. They did have a Street Fighter 6 arcade setup. I got to play a credit in that. It lasted a long time because no one could beat me. You couldn’t beat me. Nobody can beat me. I main AKI and I’m invincible.
IGS is still in the game! I learned about them from Insert Credit way back when. They made Dodonpachi 2. They are Korean. I think. I watched miffy play this and she never shot any kaiju. There was a point where she was being attacked by like..dogs or something? And instead of shooting them with gun you had to shoot a soda machine until it exploded and killed all the dogs. Video games continue to be about anything.
It’s Wimpy Time
They had this giant Snood knockoff but I avoided it cuz I only respect the original.
They have all this merch you can get by buying credits and I could see this working on me if they ever did it for anything I truly cared about, like LA Park or Kazuo Umezu. Thankfully it was all modern anime crap. I did not ask if you get just one singular soda refill with the cup and now I really regret it.
The highlight of Round 1 is easily the rhythm game section. I don’t know the names of half the shit they had but they had all the old timey Bemani stuff I used to be into. Pop’n Music is the big one for me, I adored it on PS2, I even got a homebrew arcade style controller for it that I used like twice cuz it was huge and I had nowhere to put it. I still have it if anyone wants it!! I really talked up my Pop’n skills to miffy beforehand and that was a mistake, I was fuckin’ garbage, I was poppin’ bad the entire time she was watching me. The buttons are so much bigger than at home! I haven’t played in…in…in almost twenty years, fuck!! I CAN BARELY HEAR THE MUSIC THE ARCADE IS SO LOUD!! But then she walked away to play her own game and I found some of the older songs I knew – this is hard cuz there are a billion of them and these games don’t got English tracklists – and it started coming back to me. I did really well on this song! It was one of the first ones I played way back when…also it may have been a remix, it’s weird listening to it without the button whacking, anyway I was impressed by how much of it I remembered and wish miffy had seen it, I bet she woulda been mildly less ashamed of me.
All the pinball games were for 70s rock bands and Deadpool, who’s the superhero for people who really love classic rock but are also a little bit “random”. They all looked like shit. Earlier today miffy heard Blue Öyster Cult’s “Godzilla” for the first time (it was at Walmart) and she said “Who IS this? This sucks so bad.” And I didn’t have the heart to argue with her cuz yeah that song is pretty dumb unless you’re like 8. But if they’d had a BÖC pinball I woulda played the shit outta it. Instead it was like Aerosmith and AC/DC and some other 80 year old quintet whose name I can’t remember. Don’t go to this Round 1 if you want to play pinball. Do go if you want to play Pop’n or fight me in Street Fighter. Just try and coordinate it around a birthday cuz I ain’t fuckin’ paying for this shit myself, it costs a fortune!! Thanks!!
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the fingerguns scene, right?
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exactly the one
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Hell yeah, Marble of Souls
That table flipping game rules if it’s ever not broken.
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Damn you nailed a specific emotion there.
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I was about to say “And all made by Raw Thrills” but no, it looks like the Cyberpunk game is made by LAI, who’s been around for 70 years! And it’s a game about shooting targets, like a duck shooting carnival game. Really making great use of the license there.
I was about to defend Tales from Borderlands, but
hit it with a killshot there.
Maybe watch a compilation video of all the needledrop episode openings from the game, those were really good.
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“Snood knockoff” about killed me
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Knocking Snoods off is literally how you play the game!!
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