Yeah and the absolute no-refund policy on the Switch store is kind of extortionary
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reminds me i have to see how 13 sentinels runs on yuzu, suspect iād regret dropping thirty quid
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WEDNESDAY NIGHT IS DATE NIGHT: THE OFFICIAL REPORT
FIVE DATES
I think Welsh taxpayers somehow ended up paying for a lot of lockdown-era FMV games about people going āOi mate, this lockdown can suck the shite from me knickers!*ā This is one of them. You play as a very boring straight cis man named Vinny who goes on video dates with 5 women who are way out of his league. They are all incredibly boring except for Maya, the lady from Spain who loves to party. She is always drinking, and doing malapropisms, and Vinny is always correcting her even though he shouldnāt, because when she does it itās cute (much like me). During their second date they play truth or dare and I was given the option to say āI love feet,ā which I donāt, but Vinny does, due to peer pressure. Maya asked Vinny to break quarantine and come visit her and I was not given the option to say āYesā and I think thatās bullshit, donāt tease me with a hard moral choice, let Vinny go over and do a foot massage and get covid and die, that would be an all timer ending. Anyway Maya was likable cuz she displayed a decent number of emotions and, also, was always blotto. She was also the only character who wasnāt wearing EarPods. She had wired Apple earbuds! Maybe that means sheās āon the doleā? I donāt know. 5.5 out of 5 Maya, 1.1 out of 10 for every other woo-able/playable character in this game.
*Which is fucked up since I donāt think Welsh people sound like that at all? Donāt press me on this though, the only Welshman I can think of off the top of my head is Jeff Minter and Iāve never heard him speak. Also maybe he isnāt actually Welsh but just lives there? I have no fucking clue whatās going on across the pond, I will never learn, I just know there are a bunch of islands and that I read a Flann OāBrien novel and I own every Eddie Campbell comic and Iāve played Gridrunner and I watched every Katie Price reality show, I may as well be one of you, wherever you are, Iām sorry!!
THE MARRIAGE
Games can be about anything and they donāt even have to make any kind of sense or be good in any way.
FAĆADE
This is one of those games that everyone but me was aware of, that everyone kept mocking, that I played and went āthis is the greatest thing I have ever played.ā You get to drink a lot while typing all sorts of dirty words and non sequiturs at a rich married white couple who will not stop screaming at each other, or being married ā Iām assuming itās impossible to get them to do divorce cuz I kept saying GET DIVORCED or YEAH DO DIVORCE and they didnāt listen. This is like Whoās Afraid of Virginia Woolf if it was a video game, and sucked, and was 5 minutes long, and the married couple was really hung up on Italy. Please check out this excerpt from the script we wrote, where I (Sergio) talks about Italy with the garbage couple (Trip and Grace):
Donāt worry, they didnāt have any sex after this, I think I hugged one of them like 6 times and then I typed āmelonsā and got kicked out of their apartment. Anyway if thereās enough demand and if I get my Annapurna money by 9/1 we will stage a performance of this entire script at the next SB Meetup, look forward to it.
CITIZEN SLEEPER
This isnāt a dating game and I didnāt play it tonight but it is the first game in I dunno how long that made me feel like it was made for me, a fucking adult whoās read like 3 books and knows how awful capitalism is and mental health is and having a body is, someone who doesnāt need to be fucking pandered to, who doesnāt need to be reminded how thereās so much going on in the world today, you can just tell me some stories about folks having hard times who also manage to keep on keeping on while offering just the tiniest morsels of hope. This is a game I could recommend without any caveats to another adult who hasnāt spent their entire life immersed in video game garbage. I canāt say that about many games!! Itās pretty ok, you should give it a shot sometime.
THE FORGOTTEN CITY
You also canāt date anyone in this one but it was pretty bad ass, people kept saying Iād hate the ending but I didnāt, it was nice and chill, I loved all my friends from Rome, especially the Greek guy, like as a character he wasnāt terribly interesting but he was Greek and he was kinda hairy so we had a rapport.
The real star of the game though was the gun. I thought I hated gunās in game but one of the starting āclassesā in The Forgotten City gives you a gun with 10 bullets (and no more) and whipping that liāl pea shooter out every single chance I got was the most fun Iāve ever had in an adventure game. None of the NPCs were alarmed by it, they had no clue what a gun was, but I did, and it made me feel so powerful, it really made me understand so much about this world, I felt like fucking God whenever I flicked down on my mouse wheel. Probably wouldnāt have been as fun if it was a big gun but it was very small, and unassuming, yet it could easily kill any Roman, or Greek, or Other ā all it took was one bullet to the foot. Such power! Iām glad I never used it against an innocent person. Iām going to bed now.
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Wikipedia says he was born in Reading, which is in England rather than Wales. But it doesnāt say where his parents were from, or how long heās lived in Walesāalthough this article Yak to the Future - The Escapist could be read as implying he moved there after he became a game designer: āHeād settled in Wales with some real-life livestock to complement his pixelated herds.ā
Iām extremely not an expert but he maybe sounds more English than Welsh.
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Just pour on the throttle and keep it poured on, if the plane is fast enough youāll eventually overtake. That said, it requires a bit of foreknowledge to really get done quick, as well as making sure you keep a close on your altitude, as you donāt want to break through the clouds while vertical and going really fast since youāll hit the ceiling and stall.
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thank you for this all-time post
absolutely bewildered i am, get on the Gavin and Stacey pronto
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this is bad advice
do not do this
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Oi bruv didja suck the shite from my knickers again? Ja know wha I mean?
I got a print out of the transcript of my Facade playthrough signed by Michael Mateas. If I get Andrew Sternās signature it means it can be given canon status via implicit assent.
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Do you happen to have a nice TV? Sometimes I think āwhat am I going to pay for all this extra horsepower if my 10+ year old TV is going to bottleneck the imagery anywayā
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I started Sonic and The Fallen Star and Italian Castlevania and Sonic Triple Trouble 16bit. They all seem competent at the least. The Sonic fan games nailing Sonic physics is impressive. Will write more about them later.
Then I got stupid and played Frog Fractionās Hopās Iconic Hat.
Iāll be honest the most fun I got out of it was looking at the steam reviews and finding @Broco .
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Once again reminded that if I lived anywhere but America I would have easily become incredibly famous anything fucking goes everywhere else, fuck
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Anthony Hopkins is Welsh and so is Catherine Zeta Jones
I think Hopkins hides his accent when acting more often but every now and then it jumps out
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I currently have a very nice 50 inch 1080p television. I wasnāt expecting to notice much of an improvement with the ps5 for that reason but games on it so far look significantly better.
I really donāt feel the need for 4k, but I wish my tv had hdr.
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@Rudie and @captainlove , I am now prepared to tell you more about my experience with Jak II, for I have bested it. I disagree with Rudie on long jumps. I didnāt really use them that much! Actually I did, but only because it felt good. I didnāt have to use the long jump. I kept wanting to share my thoughts over the course of my playthrough, but I was so scared that once I talked about it, I would hit an impenetrable wall.
I hit many walls, but none were too tough. There was such a large kit of actions at my disposal that I would forget everything I could do. Eventually, there would be a moment where I remembered a move and everything would get easy again. The guns, as hated as they were to me as a child, actually feel like a comfortable extension of the vanilla moveset. The level of autoaim means that gun fights often play out like they do in Star Wars. Bullets constantly fire and only sometimes hit the right target. I didnāt even have to turn the camera to blast away enemies. I grew to like it.
Is it a recommend? For me, someone who was a child when 3D platformers boomed, Jak II is a real treat. It is so mean and stingy about checkpoints. I found myself laughing whenever I died, as a defense mechanism. Listen, I just played through Donkey Kong 64. My tolerance is very high. Itās actually refreshing to play a video game that is so thoroughly a video game. I had missed the wave of relief that would come. I beat a mission, realize I never have to do it again, and could now see more of whatever dumb things the developers had planned.
Jak II is just so much. Itās Battle Angel Alita, Crash Bandicoot, Tomb Raider, GTA III, Tony Hawkās Pro Skater, and a dozen other things. It has an open city environment and does some pretty cool things with it. Driving around is insane! There are two planes to drive on, and a secret middle plane if you hit the trigger fast enough. The best vehicle explodes whenever it taps another car. It rules! As I turned into the final act, I found myself anticipating Jak III, a game I had no interest in until now.
A word of warning, the PS4 version I played had issues I donāt remember being in the original. The sound crackles and the framerate is often unstable.
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omgā¦ lowpoly + gorgeousā¦ this is the disaster report 3 fan tl that just came out
oh wow shes just like me
ryujinx can emulate marvelously what are obviously (and i mean this unironically) the Most Important Switch Games, namely the tengo project games + m2 virtua racing
also tried that daemon x machina gameā¦ im sorry but i think this is straight up bad. like maybe armored core is cool bc there are just never any people on screen basically ever and actually we dont need the no more heroes / fire emblem character designer anime portraits. really hate this brand of like anime club-approved Cool or Epic (with some undercurrent of like basically heteronormie adolescent horny beneath itā¦ omg they make anime girls with big thighs? thats fucking crazy brother be safe out there) at this point (that nintendo kind of has cornered rn like wtf is astral chain lmao)ā¦ there is obviously this tendency with english-speaking otakus towards like turning videogame ppl into Brands divorced from the context of the work they were involved with ig? im sorry but hideki naganuma is a mid composer and an even worse poster
i guess my point is that a lot of ppls engagement with this kind of stuff seems to be centered around the idea that like if an artist is good then their presence must be a net positive and actually the way towards making a good game or w/e is to have as many names involved as you can recognize and that this grand collaborative work should also take the form of like a totally recognizable and conventional narrative + commercial product. very much like āomg what if tsutomu nihei and hidetaka miyazaki made a cyberpunk souls gameā¦ā brain. omg what if hideo kojima and junji ito made the next silent hillā¦ oh wait
really tho worst of all is that gravity simply doesnt exist in this game and itās basically just a 6dof tpsā¦ 
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game journalists being allowed to be horny was a mistake. game x is good cuz more waypoint writers came to the game than any other. but in a wholesome, caring way. itās woke cum, okay?
limited run should sell boxed copies of games but it comes pre tributed by your favorite coomer games journalist
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what snapped me out of this mindset was when a literal wish I had in middle school was fulfilled with Shinji Mikami, Suda51, and Akira Yamaoka working on a game together came out, and that game was Shadows of the Damned which I thought even then was a boring and annoying game. In hindsight, maybe this was a more important moment in my life and in the development of my sense of taste than I have ever appreciated 
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Chugging through Dragon Warrior 7 at 3x fast forward. The perfect game.
Besides one shard that I just totally missed (in some random house in the prison city, guess I was just too dang excited to unlock jobs) Iāve still been playing the game walkthrough free. Thatās obviously a big caveat because Iām sure if I was playing on original hardware and actually wandered around for 5 hours looking for one shard i would have torn my hair out, but itās 2022 and emulation whips ass. Also of course Iāve only got like 3 or 4 worlds left and Iām sure Iāve missed some of the shards but I wonāt beat myself up too much looking stuff up at this point.
Best worlds so far were Loomin, where you keep thinking you resolved their problems only to go back to the present and see the town is STILL destroyed so you have to go back 4 times to resolve their increasingly ludicrous issues (Chibi 
), Falrish (Emi ), and the town where everyone gets their souls sucked out and returned incorrectly, including one dude who got his soul switched with a cow so the cows descendants can speak to animals. Such a funny little tossed off thing and this game is full of that stuff.
I think Iām getting near the end of the game (just got Sir Melvin Warrior of God (lol) and Aisha) and Iām already thinking what rpg to play through at 3x speed next. Xenogears? Lunar SSS? STAR OCEAN???
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