I hate how Vanquish plays. And I played through it 3 times to confirm this.
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I have played a single game of Marvel Rivals, much like Overwatch 2 I didn’t know why or how our team won, the match just sort of arbitrarily ended. Games these days are designed like full blown hobbies, so abilities and things are very complex. Games like these are so complex developers have to make a training area where people can practice stuff in a controlled environment . The game just feels “sweaty” like I can’t hop into a match and casually play. I feel like League of Legends kind of ruined videogames forever because now they’re about the complex interplay of items and abilities to gain an edge which requires tons of practice and research in order to hang.
The entire time I was like “I wish I was playing UT 2k4” like some sort of boomer.
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you won for one of two reasons:
- your supports and tanks did their job (damage mains cannot be trusted)
- you were in one of the secret bot matches they shove players in from the quick play queue
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pretty sure it was #1, I played Rocket Raccoon because he’s cute. But also a Venom player on my team kept attacking me and spamming “heal me” in between the first and second match which is probably unhinged gamer behavior
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i’ve been informed bot matches are the opponants being bots and one or two people on your team being human.
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I guess nothing is going on, so I simply must phone game post
Icebreaking: it’s been like 9 months since the devs started teasing a new/limited version of Nita, the tall brown girl. me and the other guy with Nita profile pics for chat are dying from starvation (we might be the only brown people playing the game because we had to inform the lobby chat that no, brown people don’t hate snow)
she’s coming any day now
why would they abandon us in our time of need
meanwhile Enya (she’s the motherly anime!) got a new suit and I pulled it because I am legally required to pull all shotgun units and has nothing to do with her being voiced by Yui Horie and no one can nail me for that
the devs have lost it
she’s just Taz
she’s literally Taz! you play her like Taz! she makes the video phone game app gambling addiction into 3D Taz-Mania!
also I guess being Taz fills up a mechanic meter that makes her more naked
video games are stupid
Zees: okay they finally released a limited support, Astra Yao, and she’s good and she sings Canto pop and is so singularly good it feels like teambuilding revolves around her, which seems bad when you consider that there’s an endgame mode revolving around running 3 discrete teams
who cares about her
let’s talk about her bodyguard, Evelyn
yeah I fuckin’ pulled her, what of it
Genshin Impact’s Forever Teased Switch Version Was Not Announced for the Switch 2 And I Feel This Is A Missed Opportunity:
okay I had the spirit of gambling enter me on the last banner
(no I am not the guy who torpedoed his engagement by spending 600 bucks on an emergency credit card trying to pull Furina dupes and also that story is likely fake but also totally believable)
and, well, I love gambling
okay it’s time for Varesa. she’s a cow hyphen girl, so as to not be confused with Chasca, the cowgirl who rides a giant gun, I’m sorry I can’t get over that she just summons a giant fucking gun with reins and shoots shit to death in the fantasy world but also there’s a god with a motorcycle so I guess nothing matters any more.
Varesa has been kind of controversial because she is the lone single female character in the game to resemble a living, breathing person by way of not being an anime twig
(and lo, everyone went “thicc”, not knowing how badly starved they were)
of course, some of this has to do with the fact that her anime character trait joke is eating, and, well
look, I play the horse game. “eats too much” is a list item on at least 5 horses and one of them is getting their own anime this weekend. I cannot be so easily swayed
okay also she launched a bunch of conversations about what’s appropriate for an anime girl to be running around in and how thick she should be. at least in English, I think literally everyone else was just like “neat” and our Latin American friends were like “cool, she’s luchadora coded”
also it didn’t help that they positioned her as the shy, clumsy girl who kills things with her dumpy
this is actual honest to god promotional footage of the character doing her thing
and it sucks because playing her is actually like this
there’s an actual attack string rotation! it’s like you’re playing a real video game! it’s fast and she’s just body splashing and stomping the ground over and over and it’s so fast and it feels good!
she’s also just like, in comparison to every other character, a shitpost. she’s this bright, stupid cartoony character with girly pop colors who fell into a Serious Anime Game by accident. like, look at her
dumb ass shit. video games are good.
anyway I gambled too hard on her because her banner also had her best supports and got 3 of her so now I’m running around like an idiot with too much power and I have no currency so I can’t get the French lady they teased who’s a chef and she has long hair and it only wearing an apron, which I don’t believe is sanitary
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odin sphere leifthrasir fucking rules, damn. it’s slow at first but i really love it. every time someone else is in the room they are like “what the fuck is this” - i also love this haha
demon’s souls (ps5) is alright i guess but ultimately it’s mostly appalling how they were able to take a game dripping with inspiration and make it come off kinda mid
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Do you think it’s worth playing if I played the OG PS2 game?
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Saboteur’s contrasting color setup still looks really impressive, especially out in the open where the sky changes color dramatically.
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also it feels really good to get to run over Nazis in my car and kill Nazis that are harassing random people.
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yesterday I wanted to know what time exactly last of us 2 was going to come out so I went to the steam store home page and it was nowhere to be found but I did accidentally click on something else and was suddenly taken to a page with some autoplaying trailer of ps3 looking cgi models just fucking away
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There’s an option you can click somewheres to make all the porn games go away
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Nearing the end of the Star Course of Mario’s Picross levels, looked it up and there’s what’s considered a post-game course of levels where the game doesn’t tell you if you made a mistake or not. Cool! Good! I prefer it that way!
Playing through this a little bit each day has made me into a Picross fiend. I still sometimes find myself solving puzzles less by pure logic and occasionally…logical leaps of faith? “Oh, five blocks across in this 15x15 grid, gonna guess from everything else that this puzzle is symmetrical, I’ll fill the five in the middle” sorta stuff. But compared to where I’ve been and floundered with other Picross games I’ve dabbled with in the past, I feel much more competent just scanning around, marking areas and whatnot.
Mario’s Picross…gonna be a GOTY pick for me, if I remember it when the time comes to write about it…
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i didn’t play it that much but it has significant performance issues compared to the remake. the combat is also pretty different (you use POW for everything, not just specials, so it’s kinda like stamina on PS2). overall, seems like a different experience that is a little harder to get into but probably also great
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personally, i found Leifthrasir a lot easier to get into than the PS2 game. the PS2 game i played for a little while and got tired of pretty early on. i feel like Leifthrasir plays a lot more similar to Muramasa than the original did, and so i like it more.
but maybe it was just one of those things where it was the right game at the right time for me.
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Tetris The Grand Master 4 is the sequel to Tetris The Grand Master 1, Tetris The Grand Master 2 and Tetris The Grand Master 3. Other than a HD sheen that I honestly find rather charming you would struggle to see that this has been in development since 2005. The first time I played Shirase in TGM3 I got 2 lines before I tapped out. In this I made it to 0. A Triumph.
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it’s easy
Odin Sphere is an action-RPG and Leifthrasir is an action game with skill trees
there’s less emphasis on abusing the experience and leveling up system and more on going ape shit with combos
hey just wait until you get to Velvet’s chapter and you get to webswing across levels while doing dumb character action shit
unrelated but Vita3k has Muramasa Rebirth listed as playable 
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For a console literally called Life the fact that the last good exclusive on it is called Rebirth is a poetry that I’m glad Vanillaware committed to.
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please respect oreshika: tainted bloodlines
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