sex dreams are pretty awesome when you don’t wake up out of them
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The hallmark of nearly all my sex dreams is that the sex is always interrupted or prevented right before it happens, so in the odd occasion my dream self actually gets down to business it’s pretty great
When I was a teen I dreamt that I was about to hook up with a long standing crush, only for her to be replaced with Sarah Jessica Parker at the last minute. I have harbored an irrational hatred of SJP ever since.
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had an extremely funny dream just now in which I was having sex with someone else and then my subconscious tried to walk it back by making it a threesome, and then my subconscious tried to walk it back further by making me batman
it was like… “Oh you… I mean oh ladies…I mean, put your clothes on, we have to get lex luthor”
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I bet this has also happened to Ben Affleck
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I had a dream that took place inside of some kind of PS2/GameCube FPS, I was running around murking people but as it went on my enemies became increasingly lifelike until it was just real people. The action started in a snowy alpine environment and worked it’s way indoors into an industrial plant of some kind, with the same shift from Grafix to Real Life
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Had my first dream in weeks and weeks. Super vivid. I was at the local nerd convention that used to be right around this time of year (and maybe still is but I haven’t gone since the pandemic) for their short Sunday day just to hit the dealer room. And somehow between running into someone from work who was working security and needed me to run a message to someone, and having to help a tourist with directions, it was all closed up by the time I got to the dealer room doors.
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I’m blaming this one on all the coke zero I drank last night.
The dream leading up to this involved getting lost in the city at night and something involved trying to find a train or car. It didn’t work out well, which lead to me climbing up a building and falling through a skylight into an attic. Inside I was confronted by a russian mobster type that I identified as the villain of the dream. I manage to dispatch his goon with some martial arts and subdue him, and here is where the dream takes a turn.
Soft R sex dream content follows. Maybe more like PG13
My brain unlocks a conversation I had with a friend in highschool about some awful anime or anime videogame he was always reading about, probably tenchi muyo or Sakura Taisen or Star Ocean, where, my friend would eagerly explain in a ‘get a load of this!’ voice, that the hero kills the bad guy and then has sex with all the girls. At this point five lead girls from different Gundam shows show up, and I realise what I have walked into. I tie up the mobster on the windowsil by his neck so that he can make the attempt to jump to the neighboring wall, but he’ll probably miss and snap his neck. I am under the impression he’s done something John Wick-esk to deserve this.
The remainder of the dream involves going through the motions with a polite but disinterested Lacus Clyne and we’re all just following a script. Like attempting to get tilt on a pinball table, and no one was impressed. I woke up from the dream, and as far as my body was concerned, I was not having a sex dream.
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some asshole let a guy borrow my backpack taht my dentures were in and I had to have phone sex with the guy to get him to return it, and his jizz leaked out the receiver like a freddy movie, and when I got my backpack back the dentures were not in their case and they didn’t fit anymore because they got BENT and were about to completely snap on the crease so I couldn’t unbend them and I had the taste of rancid cum in my mouth for the rest of the dream
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I dreamed I was Marcus Aurelius in a parallel universe similar to Megalopolis.
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First day of a college class on dance that I don’t remember why I signed up. I’m dead tired from playing videogames all the previous night. The teacher looks like she’s been teaching the class and smoking for the past 30 years. Her assistant hands out the syllabus, an LP of Disney showtunes, and a sequin tuxedo jacket and tights:
I try to work out the logistics of how I’m even going to make the weekly trip to the classroom, which is in a repurposed stripmall, but I’m still willing to give the class a shot.
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got asked ‘what would be a good name for a wall’ and when i said ‘Mason’ the joke completely bombed. then i made the cardinal mistake of doubling down on it by trying to use ‘i wouldn’t wanna run into Mason tonight’ as an allegory for like. a dui. do any dream experts know how to stick a landing. or something to that effect
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I dreamed I was staying at an Air BNB run by nanny from the Muppet babies.
She wasn’t supposed to be there.
I discovered a sort of pet door between rooms, between ours and a locked room. Through the little door I saw her sitting on a couch, socked feet, no shoes, obviously relaxing. I stuck my phone through the little door to see her face and the upper half of her body was the two fingers from Elden Ring but smooth like a hand model rather than cracked and hairy. She caught me, assumed human form, unlocked and came came through regular door. She looked like a young woman now. Which I thought must be an illusion, she’d have to at least by 60 by now. She scolded me for spying and I said I hadn’t been filming her, I was just curious about the room. I showed her the camera roll and it was all pictures from a previous dream (acrobats performing on roller-coaster tracks with active roller coasters). She seemed relived and told us to have a nice evening. I think she said something about not wanting to be caught on film without her makeup.
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Several.
A simpsons episode where humans with superpowers have to destroy a target in some sort of dystopian vaguely eastern european zone. They solve it by having a man whose blood is radioactive swallow a bunch of nuclear material, turning into a nuclear bomb and exploding.
This episode was then contained within a bigger tv show about humans with vaguely scientifically possible superpowers. The guy who played Gus in Breaking Bad was revealed as the main antagonist in this episode when he started saying social darwinist things about unleashing the latent potential in human beings and some humans having no natural limits and being held back by others and the lack of trials. He showed up to give this speech and issue an ultimatum about killing people for non compliance and the comic relief character, who was just a turbo contortionist of some sort, tried to shoot him before he could speak, saying he knew if he shot him before the ultimatum it would have the best chances of preventing the dilemma. So Gus shot him in the head, but he didn’t die. It turned out he was effectively immortal, and he kept trying to shoot Gus and getting shot back but not dying. Then a wrestling match happened between Gus and the main character which combined wrestling with Capeoeria somehow.
The next dream was about being a trans woman who had won a pejorative most feminine boy award at school repeatedly and this year won a most masculine boy award sarcastically. This caused my mobster uncle to gain respect for me and he expressed this respect by hooking me up with some sort of DoD slush fund funded think tank position where I just had to have a secretary submit proposals of arbitrary quality periodically to get money. I then got in a fast car and drove to Las Vegas.
Another dream was about criminals fighting a combat helicopter with small arms and scoring a hit on a missile, causing Arnold Shwarzenegger to eject but his two copilots to burn to death.
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Had a dream that I ran into someone I knew from high school, who invited me on a lucrative business offer - we would go back in time and steal of-the-era toys and electronics in the past, and then sell them for a huge markup back in the future.
They had me go to the time machine (a couch in an squalid building) and then like six guys emerged from the darkness and stabbed me repeatedly and took my phone and wallet.
I woke up and was like “ah c’mon dream, they were cool, hell they’re cool now, they do sliding scale counseling for queer folks.”
I went back to sleep and they were back, offering me another lucrative opportunity that ended exactly the same way.
I owe 'em an apology if I ever see them again.
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I was playing a janky emulated fighting game on a computer and my sister was watching. She was laughing at me for button mashing because I couldn’t figure how the inputs were bound on the keyboard.
After a match my sister told me to pick a certain character from the selection screen but I ignored her and picked a black cat wearing a big Uncle Sam top hat. At the start of the round during the character intros, the cat howled and turned into a big spectral panther thing. “Woah,” we both said with some genuine hype.
The round started, I dashed toward the opponent – who disappeared, and the game froze momentarily. The opponent’s life bar went to zero and “K.O.!” was loudly exclaimed by the announcer. We both laughed again and then I woke up
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Was playing The Onion’s newest videogame, Get Shot In The Face Simulator, and was really impressed by the scale of features. It started off with getting roasted by two drunk girls, but when I got to select how to get shot in the face (it was in beta so they just had a big list instead of the routes planned for full release) I was impressed by all the gundam options they had, including a Netflix reboot of Turn A. I then checked out the sweet music visualizer on the options menu.
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I dreamed about a home invasion.
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I got woken up because I tried to buy some fish and chips and it was $75. The employees then started arguing with each other.
“It’s $5x$5x$5”
“No, it’s 5x5x5x5.”
"It’s 5x5x5byFivebyFiiiii- and I was awake.
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I dreamed about a Hogwarts style school for gifted children but instead of magic it was Unix ability, and instead of a castle it was a megayacht. It’s job was to educate the most intelligent autistic people in the world to create a class of techno-bureaucrats. The pinnacle of this was called “the seven”; the seven most extreme technical talents in the world, who were given vast resources and basically ruled the world.
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