as i read this the burrito im eating spilled out all over my pants and shirt i wonder what kind of dreams ill have tonight 
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had a dream I got shot in the back 
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Had a dream i was doing some GTA shit with my sister like assaulting a military base with just a car and a machine gun. Eventually an old man attacked us and i basically liffted him by the waist and dropped him on his head a couple times. He seemed fine afterwards honestly. It was all quite dumb.
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Dreamed I was by an ocean cliff at night and the tide was crashing violently. Suddenly, a wave hit the cliff and launched a monstrous quantity of ink-black water straight into the sky. It was like when a collision bug in a videogame instantly sends your car 100 metres in the air. It was a single, almost rectangular mass of water. It slowly began to land on the ground and caused a moderate flood, but we stayed where we were close to the cliff. There was a haunting sensation that this was going to happen again, and after an almost musical interval of time, a second, even heavier crash launched up twice as much water. In my dream’s eye I visualised some kind of mathematical trauma operating below the surface of the water. Some miraculous mechanism of the ocean’s current and the geology of the rocks that caused an anomaly of physics that generated immeasurable force. After the exact same interval of time as before, a third crash erupted, twice as big as the second. The thunderous sound of the water was so loud it shook the world, and as the water fell it erupted along the ground so harshly that it woke me up.
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good morning
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also:
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dreamed last night that I was in some world where if you travelled towards one of the cardinal directions the world would change depending on the direction. I think north and south were ‘Science’ and ‘Fantasy’ and the other two directions were like, ‘Realism’ and ‘Non-Realism’ or something. I think the idea was if you went northeast you’d end up in Star Wars land, and southwest would be like Game of Thrones land. I went all the way north to Science land where everything was just endless rows of identical interconnected laboratory buildings with people in lab coats holding clip boards walking between them.
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i had a dream i was at another meetup at a different house and everyone from the last meetup were there and a lot was going on but i remembered that we were at a house that was big enough but full of stuff like the walls were covered in shelfs full of books and dolls and papers and whatever and miffy found an amulet that glowed and somehow she figured out from it that shes actually a princess of some long lost snow kingdom that we had to to rediscover??? and we all were like “cool lets do that after the meetup” and then had dinner at this big long table that seated EVERYONE and then i was like “lets watch the columbo cartoon” and lots of us gathered around this small old tv and the cartoon came on and it looked like this 1970s hanna barbara cartoon with the opening being this cartoon columbo walking his cartoon dog against a obviously looping city background and the themesong was something like:
soft fem voice choir: “columbo! hes cool as a cucumber but hell make you sweat”
booming masc voice choir: “hes solving mysteries with dog, his pet!”
and then the title card appeared and it looked like this basically
i dont remember much after that
i also had a dream where i met jack black and he just shitted his pants (unrelated)
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dreamed i was reading a henry james story called “house of the seven monsters”. young man of good pedigree bums around italy, meets friend. if you’re in the area you MUST see the retired colonel who lives nearby and is said to have 7 monstrous sights collected in his home. go there, shake hands. first exhibit is a little guy who can’t tell the difference between three different italian-sounding soda names, “even though these are obviously all the same drink” (one of the soda names was “pabst”). but it turns out the guy can tell the difference and i thought, does this still count as a monstrosity or not. then introduced to colonel’s daughter, she’s nice but a little much, and i thought “oh it’s a satire on italians or something. all the exhibits are going to be coded 19th century political caricatures that i have no context for”. i don’t remember the other exhibits but there were only four more of them and i thought “the seventh monstrosity… is Man…” but at the end of the story it suddenly has these full page illustrations of the colonel turning into this wraithy ghost worm thing, and a bunch of other ghost worms coming out of the tomb, and they drag the screaming protagonist inside, with all these 70s horror comic effects, and after having been resigned to mild irony i was pleasantly surprised by how full on it went. anyway… welcome, to the castle of “what my night mind thinks henry james stories are!” booga booga!
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i had a dream that was a series of vignettes where I kept trying too hard to be funny by inserting the phrase “on this bitch of an earth” into every conversation
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had a dream of some sort of dungeon crawling expedition where i’d murdered tons of monsters, and i met this blue…monster lady… who kept trying to talk to me and i kept trying to murder her, but every time i cut off a limb it would regrow out of liquid metal?? my thought was “none of the other blue monster ladies could do this…”
and she just kept talking until i was like “huh i guess you’re not trying to kill me. what’s up” and she talked to me about something. and we became friends. sort of.
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i had a prophetic dream that an outlet was going to catch on fire in my house a few days before one did
i also dreamed that joe biden was giving a speech from mount rushmore, it was like the background matte painting of mount rushmore from that one speed racer episode except more 3d but also there were apparently several floating islands around it, and biden started complaining about how “he’s such a bitch” and he doesn’t even want this dumb job it’s not fun and he started crying and they shuffled him off to do an appearance as the new “patriotic colonel sanders” for kfc
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Dreamed I created a potion named “scotman’s blood” which granted 150% proficiency in “machine”
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did it taste like irn bru?
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i had an electrical fire dream last week too, but it was really dramatic with multiple gas leaks visibly on fire next to a sparking power strip and an action movie fireball i barely outran
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thanks for reminding me to check the smoke alarm battery everybody
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Dreamed that a girl version of Garth Brooks’ alter ego Chris Gaines appeared as some kind of boss in Kingdom Hearts.
She had two moogle sidekicks and a cravat.
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She’s Chris Gaines’s Nobody, and her name is Xirchs Axengis.
What make this more complicated is that I think I always just kinda assumed that Chris Gaines was Garth’s Nobody.
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Had a dream about a baseball player who kept getting bullied and gaslit by a witch. I think that would make for a good TV show.
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“I’ll have what they’re having,” I say to the bartender after overhearing this story from a few chairs down.