GTA VI will release on schedule. It will look and play more or less like it does in the trailers/screenshots but will display in a nonstandard aspect ratio with black bars at the top and bottom of the screen like in The Order: 1886 so as to squeeze as many cpu cycles as possible to hit their target for visual fidelity. It will run at upscale 4k/30 fps except for PS5 Pro which will have a mode that runs at 40 fps but it will only be available on TVs that have variable refresh rates. The base single player game will retail for $89.99 and the online will be a separate initial purchase of $49.99 and require a monthly GTA+ subscription to boot. There will be a backlash and calls to boycott but the game will go into profit within days of release regardless.
In late spring console manufacturers will announce they are postponing their still unannounced next gen consoles for a few years and lengthening this console generation.
Sony will announce a new PlayStation handheld device that will play PS4, PS5 and eventually PS6 games. It will initially retail for $899.99 and they will announce the price will increase by $49.99 every four months after release until it settles on the final price, which they say will be revealed at a later date.
Nintendo will announce Super Mario Universe. It will be a live service game.
Microsoft will franchise out the Xbox branding and we will see a plethora of devices with the Xbox logo on it. There will be an Xbox phone with the Halo remake preinstalled.
Microsoft resurrects the Zune brand (it’s an Xbox)
Xbox (Game Pass) on Mac
Halo for Switch 2
Switch 2 price hike
Rockstar will read the room and realize that they can gain a ridiculous amount of goodwill by pricing the base game of GTA 6 at $60. Panic ensues in the broader industry.
ZUN will be the “guest boss bullet pattern designer” for the next Deltarune chapter.
Either 007 First Light or the Tomb Raider game is delayed indefinitely because Amazon wants them to tie into an upcoming movie, and then the movie never comes out.
Xbox buys Rockstar Energy and rebrands it to This is An Xbox Energy Drink. Before the end of the year they’ll sell it to the Juggalo drink company who changes it back to Rockstar.
Nintendo announces a gamified waterbottle. They stop supporting its internet connectivity after 6 months. On the 2nd hand market the price starts at $400 and goes up every day.
Nintendo announces they are partnering with Microsoft to make a new Banjo game and it’s going to be bad. It’s going to be really bad. Like, did you like Nuts and Bolts? Nintendo sees you, and they’re going to make sure even you don’t like this one.
WB finally announces what everyone has been asking for, Tales From The Wizarding World of Harry Potter: World War II. Every spell in the game is a gun spell. You’ll never guess who your willy muggle associates will be.
Every previously announced Marvel game is cancelled, and replaced with newly announced Marvel games coming out in, oh, let’s say 3 years.
Sony announces that PS5 games now have an AI assistant who will tell you how to do anything you ask it to in the game. They are not able to prevent it from telling you to kill yourself.
The soulja boy console actually comes out.
A PS5 version of Transformers War for Cybertron goes up on storefronts with no announcement. It is taken down an hour later, citing an “error”, and never returns.
Geoff Keighley’s summer show’s “one more thing” is a trailer for an HD remake of Destiny 1. A mic is left live on the stream and an unidentified voice is heard saying “Hahaha, is this a joke?”
except marvel tokon and it’s the rankest shit it’s so bad arcsys has to go back to blazblue they gotta get the turbo low functioning weebs back on board or they’re dead they’re finished it’s all over it’s blazblue all the way down
microsoft releases THE Xbox which is an always-online device with no disc drive, usb ports, or any conventional i/o of any kind. it has a camera and a mic (which are always on) and uses “ai” to determine your identity and log in to your gamepass account. microsoft claims that THE Xbox uses Quantum Computing, which turns out to just be a trademarked name for its game streaming service: all the games are run remotely on giant server banks and streamed to the system at 240p then “ai”-upscaled. everyone hates this and sony does the exact same thing with the ps7 after microsoft finally ends the xbox program.
nintendo adds another tier to their online service which lets you play wii games on the switch 2 with a wii-mote-shaped peripheral (sold separately) that you slot the joycons into. these do not fit into any existing wii-mote attachments.
a huge data leak at sega uncovers official concept art of sonic with a circumcised human penis.
Nintendo tries to get a cut of the Prestige Dad Game pie by having Bloober Team make Wario : A Gold Of Heart And A Heart Of Gold, exclusively for the Nintendo Switch 2
Fans go wild during the iconic scene 5 hours in when Wario finally retrieves his iconic yellow suit after having symbolically overcome his addictions
The ending reveals the young kid accompanying Wario was Waluigi (everybody figured this out) and also dead this whole time (nobody figured this out)
We all will still care about videogames at the end of 2026.
…. yes, the way how the market operates right now makes this feel like a significant enough stretch that it’s worth it for making the joke, while hoping it will not come to pass.
Philips will make a surprise re-entry into the console gaming market with the CD-j & a marketing campaign themed around Shared Relaxation Time. bemused but ultimately accepting the buzz, the company embrace ShaRTing & release a range of coordinated home appliances, each unlocking exclusive mini games and cosmetics
Yuji Naka flees the country ahead of serving his 2027 prison sentence.
Hes is arrested and deported from rural Tasmania where he was living out of his Ferrari, after his yahoo auctions account reactivated to try to sell signed sealed copies of Sonic Heroes out of shipping container he had buried at Perth Motorplex in 2004.
this is very funny but i need you to understand that perth-tas is about the same as la-fl in terms of distance, and there’s some water in between too + less infrastructure in between
like the storage unit would make a tonne of sense in melb! a submersed cache in the yarra
I never said he made it to the storage container ok. :^p
Lol yeah i dont know Australia. I chose a far place in a near country then i rememberd he was racing at perth in 2004. But i do know Tasmania is its own island at least.
Sony release another mid-gen update for the PS5 that costs a few hundred bucks extra, but all it does is adds an AI assistant with a dedicated button on the controller that is intentionally designed to be easy to press by accident. All previous PS5 models are discontinued.
Cosmic Fantasy HD2D Remake becomes a hot button topic because of the removal of nude scenes
