Xanathar's Guide to Cleavin' a Goblin Clean in Twain (feat. D&D)


I’m working on (i.e., I have conceived of and scribbled a few ideas down but never developed) a TTRPG that sort of addresses people’s sketchy availability


First session with the pirate campaign went great. We did indeed move to Pathfinder. Nobody suspects I’m a mimic - I talked it over with the DM and she let me have a few triggers that would result in a “horrific mutation” a la The Thing, where I just sprawl out into tendrils and teeth if I take a traumatic amount of damage.

Voice I did is weird, but it went well. It’s very elegant and gentle most of the time, then whenever she gets stressed, is angry, drunk, or is swelling with piratey vigor, she does a vulgar cockney bark that’s kinda like a chav Tracer or Ms. Brahams:

Reworked her backstory a bit so that she originally was a mimic mimicing a treasure chest in a sunken ship, then gobbled up this famous wizard, who had a rare, priceless red pearl. That baseball-sized pearl is now stuck inside me, causing no shortage of treasure hunters to come for me, to the point where I’m now on the run in human form, unable to remove the pearl at my heart without dying.

I can now cryptically tell the party that the pirates who are after me are “hooligans after my heart.”

Picture I chose is basically from Game of Thrones:


So yeah I’m loving it so far. We’ve already stolen a ship from the royal guard and solved a complicated wizard puzzle involving tickling the noses of statues with owlbear feathers.

My teammates are:

  • A Leonard Skinner-style bard who got absolutely fucked by his agents, who took him for everything he has. He’s now trying to make it big again in a different city. The voice he does for “scream shredded modern-day Leonard Skinner” is so fucking good it’s wild.

  • A rogue who game from nothing and idolized wizards, who is excellent at slight of hand and deception, and fools everyone into thinking he’s a magic user. Since he’s demolished every single bluff and slight of hand check he’s made, we all fully believe we have a powerful wizard on our team.

  • A by-the-books monk lawman we’ve all managed to constantly trick into thinking we’re all on the up-and-up. He thinks I rightfully own this boat, and that we’re delivering supplies, and that the royal guards after me are hooligans terrorizing an innocent, soft-spoken maiden.


Update: This campaign has been an absolute blast so far. Would definitely recommend a pirate-themed high-seas setting.

We stole a boat in the first session, now we have to think of a name for a pirate ship.

So far here’s the various ideas we’ve come up with:

The Blighted Blimey
The Hungry Heart
Lucky Day
The Patrolman
Glory Days
The Yucconda
The Grifted Ghost
The Innocent
Devil in the Dust
The Western Star

Any suggestions would be appreciated.


The Algae Bloom


Ken Burns
Free Trader Beowulf
The Many-headed Hydra
Charming Victory




jason boatman



These are all god-awful and I love them


the glory hull


Byzant the Necrope
Chun the Unavoidable
Viole Falushe
Lens Larque
Kokor Hekkus (the Killing Machine)


The Flailing Nyctalope


Disco Volante
The Prospect of Whitby
Aurora’s Grace
A Lesson Is Learned


Springtime Folly


I did the dang crime again.

It is slight, it is silly, it is about constructing the hagiography of an Animal Saint to convince the Pope to canonize it in what is contextually suggested to be the middles ages, I guess? I never got that specific in the rules bit. I was kind of in a hurry!

It will be swallowed by the enormous tide of games that were made for this particular Jam. Such is life, and fate.

There is a joke about infinitely replenishing genitals, following up a joke based on Physiologus???


The team at work is running a 3 session one-shot and I have to help explain how to play a role & roll chars. Thinking… ranger? they are problematic?? The revised UA Ranger tones down the racism (only humanoids in general instead of specific races, Favored Enemy(humans) was always the cheese option).

I just want to have a Very Good Boy animal buddy and I hate druids on prinicple. The revised class’s list of typical animal companions has mule (!) and giant weasel (!!). Don’t think can I resist a pine marten friend


Just be a warlock with a cool weasel familiar


The revised Ranger makes me think: jeez, poor Fighters…


I like that the revised ranger ignores difficult terrain basically right off the bat


I tried for a solid couple days to come up with a Dex Fighter build worth playing and every single time it was just like “why wouldn’t you play a Rogue”