Xanathar's Guide to Cleavin' a Goblin Clean in Twain (feat. D&D)


For a frogkind I’d go with hand-selected river stones, hoik a loogie onto one to make it spicy/give disadvantage on the next roll the target takes

Hum would a fantasy librarian be into baseball

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Almost the exact opposite in tone of my last game, this game was made for the Wizard Jam 2019, and is a lighthearted Baron-Munchausen-esque game of squabbling apprentices showing off how they’re the best and sabotaging each other in front of their boss.


Oh yeah I also did a Game Crime.

Pointedly avoided reading Tulpa’s before banging this out in ~3 hours just before deadline after work but still, inevitably, they cover some of the same ground? I’m much sloppier about it.


I want to talk about a character concept I had come up with in a fit of boredom and that I don’t think I’ll ever get to play because my current character might never die ever. It’s a very unorthodox concept and kinda breaks some canon rules, but it seemed amusing to me at the time.

Is this something anyone would care about or should I just go write it in my diary? I am not great at judging what is and is not appropriate/in-lane material for a given thread, sometimes.


Hell yeah, post it


The character would be a somewhat different version of a Warforged that had been created hundreds of years ago and owned by what was essentially the eastern Faerun version of the East India Company, and it would have…

Actually I think I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let me start over a bit.

The idea was that, in some way, the party would come across a large metal sphere. It looked old, and there were barely-visible seams running around it in various places.

When they touch it, it would start to hum, and then a magical rune vaguely resembling a wheel would appear, hovering about an inch from the surface, and it would begin to turn. After a few moments, the wheel would turn into some kind of guild-crest-looking symbol, and a calm, soothing voice would emanate from it.

“Thank you for choosing the ThayCo. Dynamic Robothaumic Operations Platform Pod. Please select the configuration package that best suits your or your client’s needs.”

The guild crest symbol would then disappear, and a grid of 12 symbols would take its place.

  • An axe
  • A lute
  • A winged mace
  • A small tree
  • A shield with a sword crossed over it
  • A fist
  • A helmet over a sunburst
  • A bow and arrow
  • A dagger in a lock
  • A staff wreathed in a twisting aura
  • An eye in a five-pointed star
  • A fireball

this sounds like fun + canon is made to be set aflame and kicked over a cliff


Basically the core idea is that, instead of picking all my own classes and skills and whatnot, I would let the party pick for me, for better or for worse.

When I levelled up, it would say something along the lines of “Operations environment exceeds current configuration. Please select an upgrade package.” And then in a lower, sped-up voice “Performance not guaranteed. Package availability subject to local laws and regulations. All upgrades provided at additional charge, please see your nearest ThayCo. hall or branch office for details.”


give em a (toned down) rod of lordly might as their primary weapon and you are g2g


really hope someone got the thayco joke



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Thak zero





Why is it that I only have good ideas for characters when it’s NOT time to make a character

I got invited to a second game and I’m just drawing a blank on what character to make for it


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“I try to convince the goblins to unionize”

edit: it worked???


You may enjoy this podcast called No Rangers Allowed where we do this, literally, every session


Ok so I’m playing a Wizard this time and I need some clarification from someone more knowledgeable in how wizards work

What exactly is the difference between spells that are in my spellbook vs. spells that I have prepared?

Ok I know it sounds like a dumb question but hear me out.

When I created this character, it told me to pick 3 cantrips and 6 level 1 spells. As I was choosing, a couple times in this process I went “wait, that’s a ritual, which means I don’t have to prepare it, right? I’ll take something else instead”, but then later, after the game had already started, I realized “wait, doesn’t that mean I don’t know that spell at all?”

But then that only confused me more, because “if these are the spells that are in my book, how many of them are prepared?”

It’s worth mentioning that I’m playing this game over Roll20, which, as far as I can tell, doesn’t have a special area for keeping track of what spells you have prepared, which only added a straw to the pile of my confusion.

And since the text goes out of its way to explain why copying a spell from a scroll into your book costs gold, that added realism only highlights the question of “where do spells you learn at level-up come from?”.

Also I’ve heard a couple times someone say “you have all of the cantrips”, but if that’s true, why did I have to pick three?

I have so many questions.


As I understand it, you have a certain number of spells in your spell book. From those spells, you can prepare a different certain number of spells and those are the spells you can cast.

To do so, choose a number of wizard spells from your spellbook equal to your Intelligence modifier + your wizard level (minimum of one spell). The spells must be of a level for which you have spell slots.

So the spells in your book are all the spells you can possibly cast. The spells you prepare (total # = Int mod + level) are the list of spells you can actually cast at a given moment. You can change prepared spells at the end of any long rest.

You always have your cantrips prepared. They don’t count against your number of prepared spells. You just know them and can cast them at any time.

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The spells in your spellbook are the total universe of all spells you can use. The spells you have prepared are the ones you can spend your slots on and cast, right now. You take your spellbook and pick your smaller list of prepared spells every time you rest.

There’s a formula for how many spells you can prepare: your Int mod + wizard level. So, if you have an Int mod of 3 and are level 2, you can have 5 spells prepared. You might have 10, or 15, or 20 in your spellbook to choose from. Every time you wake up from a long rest, you’ve got to take those 20 and winnow them down to the 5 you want to be able to cast.

There’s no mechanical limit on the number of spells you can have in your spellbook. Theoretically you could eventually get access to every single wizard spell in the game. Except for the 2 free spells you get every levelup, the rules don’t provide for any mechanics to ensure you have a steady stream of spells coming into your spellbook. It’s entirely a roleplaying thing you have to work out with your DM.

No other class can learn their entire spell list like this, and it’s one of the wizard’s main strengths. The preparation mechanic is to temper this huge versatility and force you to make choices, but still allow you to be flexible.

To cast a spell as a ritual you can cast it straight from your spellbook, without having it prepared. When you do this, it also does not cost a spell slot. However, it can only be cast at the default level (i.e. you can’t cast it at a higher level for more benefits) and it takes 10 minutes to cast. Ritual spells tend to be utility spells, or at least have a utility function, that normally aren’t time-sensitive, which allows you to prioritize more immediate combat spells on your prepared list.

None of this shit applies to cantrips. You don’t have to copy them into your spellbook, or prepare them, or use slots, or anything. You just always know them and can always cast them whenever you want, and you automatically get more as you level up.

This is a roleplaying thing that the rules just leave it to you to make up. A default assumption is that during offtime your character tinkers and does research and on levelup discover their new spells on their own. But you can take your character concept and explain this however you want.