Xanathar's Guide to Cleavin' a Goblin Clean in Twain (feat. D&D)


One of the campaigns I’m a part of is drawing to a close in the next session, so we’re all getting our next characters put together.

New one’s going to be an Eberron campaign set in Sharn, a city of towers.

This is an intrigue-heavy game. Gangs, crime, heists, espionage, grifts, all that good shit.

We will start at level 1 and only go as high as level 6.

I have this congested Froppy voice I’ve been wanting to use with the group, so I made my character a 4 ft tall grung librarian wearing a Velma sweater, with glasses.

Only character design for a frog I could find that looked any good was this tree frog grung, so she’ll probably look like this with glasses and a stack of books in her hands:

Thinking of calling her Harriet? That or Cricket.

For the class, I have no idea what to choose. The fact that we will only go as high as level 6 makes it a bit weirder.

Maybe Arcane Trickster? Never tried it before, but it would let me sneak in and out of buildings using my small size and slippery skin. Only problem there is that a librarian nerd character doesn’t strike me as the type to directly attack anyone with a weapon. But, this is D&D, so I guess it’s believable that everyone carries a dagger.

Also Grungs have poison skin, and I could probably convince the DM to let me use my skin poison as a hallucinogenic, if I wanted to use that for some kind of illusory magic.

Only other thing is that I kinda want it to be a thing that if I take enough damage, there’s a chance I lose my glasses, and take like a -4 to aim or something like that. I don’t really know what I could do to offset that with a benefit though. Maybe the glasses let me see in the dark?


I mean the classic librarian character would be Wizard, though Arcane Trickster seems like a great choice, especially for a game of crime and intrigue and what have you. It’s true Rogues are damage classes in combat but you could rely on a bow when you’re not slinging spells.

Maybe the dark horse choice could be Warlock with the Old One patron? They’re all about cosmic horror and the mysteries of the universe.

I got no idea what a grung is (well I mean now I know it’s a frogperson), I guess you could choose class based on what ability score bonuses it gets.

As for your glasses thing that’s adorable. I don’t see why you’d need a corresponding benefit necessarily, I think loading your characters with flaws is fun on its own. Floating modifiers like “-4” are discouraged in 5e (notwithstanding I’ve just written a bunch of combat realism tweaks that reintroduce them cause, you know what, fuck it), you could probably just say disadvantage on attack rolls, or that it imposes the Blinded condition.


Talked it over with the DM and he agreed it should just be a thing that happens when I crit fail or get hit with a crit. No benefit, which, yeah, makes sense and I like it.

Don’t know if I want to have a ranged weapon, I don’t love crossbows or arrows because they’re just sorta dull and you can’t do much creatively with them. I chatted with the DM about the idea of maybe having a Froppy-style tongue lash attack, and he loved the idea but reworked it a little:

Oh man this is kind of a crazy idea, but I like it. Your poison only takes effect for as long as people touch you, and there’s just no way I can see the tongue dealing actual damage. So let’s do this: as an action you can attempt to grapple someone with your tongue if they’re up to 10 ft away from you. Your “to hit” bonus is your prof +dex. On their turn they can make an athletics or acrobatics check as an action to escape, dc is your str + prof + 8. As long as they’re grappled by you, they need to save against your poison.

So yeah. I love it.

One of my racial bonuses is that I have a fucking 25 ft vertical leap, so I could jump onto a chandelier or something and then tongue bind a gablin to poison em.


I like the idea of librarian monk or warlock, or maybe an arcane trickster whose main weapon is blown poison darts

I’d say get something with mage hand for reshelving those books but I think your vertical leap pretty well covers that


Silence seems like a must-pick spell


Holy shit, absolutely. Silence is a must-have.

I like the poison dart idea too, I’m going to go with that as my ranged.



For a frogkind I’d go with hand-selected river stones, hoik a loogie onto one to make it spicy/give disadvantage on the next roll the target takes

Hum would a fantasy librarian be into baseball


Almost the exact opposite in tone of my last game, this game was made for the Wizard Jam 2019, and is a lighthearted Baron-Munchausen-esque game of squabbling apprentices showing off how they’re the best and sabotaging each other in front of their boss.


Oh yeah I also did a Game Crime.

Pointedly avoided reading Tulpa’s before banging this out in ~3 hours just before deadline after work but still, inevitably, they cover some of the same ground? I’m much sloppier about it.


I want to talk about a character concept I had come up with in a fit of boredom and that I don’t think I’ll ever get to play because my current character might never die ever. It’s a very unorthodox concept and kinda breaks some canon rules, but it seemed amusing to me at the time.

Is this something anyone would care about or should I just go write it in my diary? I am not great at judging what is and is not appropriate/in-lane material for a given thread, sometimes.


Hell yeah, post it


The character would be a somewhat different version of a Warforged that had been created hundreds of years ago and owned by what was essentially the eastern Faerun version of the East India Company, and it would have…

Actually I think I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let me start over a bit.

The idea was that, in some way, the party would come across a large metal sphere. It looked old, and there were barely-visible seams running around it in various places.

When they touch it, it would start to hum, and then a magical rune vaguely resembling a wheel would appear, hovering about an inch from the surface, and it would begin to turn. After a few moments, the wheel would turn into some kind of guild-crest-looking symbol, and a calm, soothing voice would emanate from it.

“Thank you for choosing the ThayCo. Dynamic Robothaumic Operations Platform Pod. Please select the configuration package that best suits your or your client’s needs.”

The guild crest symbol would then disappear, and a grid of 12 symbols would take its place.

  • An axe
  • A lute
  • A winged mace
  • A small tree
  • A shield with a sword crossed over it
  • A fist
  • A helmet over a sunburst
  • A bow and arrow
  • A dagger in a lock
  • A staff wreathed in a twisting aura
  • An eye in a five-pointed star
  • A fireball


this sounds like fun + canon is made to be set aflame and kicked over a cliff


Basically the core idea is that, instead of picking all my own classes and skills and whatnot, I would let the party pick for me, for better or for worse.

When I levelled up, it would say something along the lines of “Operations environment exceeds current configuration. Please select an upgrade package.” And then in a lower, sped-up voice “Performance not guaranteed. Package availability subject to local laws and regulations. All upgrades provided at additional charge, please see your nearest ThayCo. hall or branch office for details.”


give em a (toned down) rod of lordly might as their primary weapon and you are g2g


really hope someone got the thayco joke




Thak zero