I have a friend who presents feminine but is very much having a hard time of it in the suburbs of Chicago. I am CIS, and have other trans friends who don’t have these troubles, but they still come to me with issues of how to make this lifestyle work for them. They don’t have many options and dislike the internet in general. One night, I recommended that they read about the subject and found a random book. They responded well to this and I would like to share more good book recommendations with them.
So, If you have any recommendations for literature that might be inspiring for somebody dealing with these sorts of things I would be grateful.
I guess I’m loath to just throw out book recs without knowing what the specific issue at hand is? It is social? Internal? What book did they read previously?
What troubles? What options? You’re not asking anything.
OP would be better off explaining what they actually mean by “having a hard time”. I’m assuming it’s dysphoria related? Or a case of handling social rejection for the first time? Either way, I agree with Birch, throwing a book at someone isn’t a solution to a problem when you don’t know what the problem is.
Also, being trans isn’t a lifestyle, nor is presenting a certain way. It’s just called “living”. Insinuating otherwise would transitively mean being cisgender (it’s not an acronym, in case you thought it is) is also a lifestyle, and I highly doubt you made the active choice to become cis.
Yeah ghosto we’re gonna need to hear EXACTLY how much dysphoria she has, what her family situation is, her dating history and what her kinks are. Otherwise my recommendation for an “inspirational book about trans or non binary people” will mean NOTHING, idiot! Go ask your friend what she means! Otherwise you could cause some serious damage. As a queer there’s no doubt she’s as fragile as glass, so tender and confused that a carelessly read book will destroy her brain like a sat-on egg! So what if she liked the last one, the gift of a second is beyond the pale. How fucking irresponsible can you get!
OK, seriously, this is a piece of cake. Want famous, positively received books about presenting as trans in the real world circa 2019? Here are some. I wish there were more. If she has a specific question ask again.
Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity, by Julia Serano
Transgender History, by Susan Stryker
Trans Bodies, Trans Selves edited by Laura Erickson-Schroth
There is no single cisgender lifestyle or a trans lifestyle. There is also no one black or white lifestyle, but that doesn’t mean it’s smart or useful to act confused and colorblind when people ask you about the history of race in America.
“Explain what you mean by ‘having a hard time’” Jesus. Yeah, what hard time do trans people have? I’ve never heard of a “hard time”. I thought they had it pretty easy. Gonna need some deets before I can understand this so called “hard time”
I’m sorry for picking apart the post arbitrarily. That said, I was more concerned about relevancy considering I literally have no picture of this person in question, and “having a hard time” could be a huge range of shit.
Like, no shit it’s hard to be trans. The response was to OP saying “these problems” with the only problem listed being “presenting feminine”. That comment alone gave me the impression of “my friend is broken, help me fix them”, and clearly more than one person was irked by it, so the hostility isn’t necessary. I’m not trying to tone police here, it’s just genuinely vague.
And stating “my other trans friends don’t have these problems” like, what problems could they possibly be talking about then, if other trans people “don’t have them”? Nobody’s acting confused, it’s a confusing tone to take when discussing trans people.
Like, my knee-drop reaction to questions about trans lit these days is The Pervert, but idk what kind of problem that could possibly solve, it’s just a good book. Obviously it wouldn’t be damaging but it might be a waste of time
speaking personally, the idea of a monolithic “trans narrative” was a HUGE barrier to me really considering gender issues, so i think it’s valid to approach such implications with a healthy dose of skepticism
They live at their conservative parents’ house in the suburbs. The troubles are mostly from folks that should be helping them but I guess even they are being oppresive.
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Also, being trans isn’t a lifestyle, nor is presenting a certain way. It’s just called “living”. Insinuating otherwise would transitively mean being cisgender (it’s not an acronym, in case you thought it is) is also a lifestyle, and I highly doubt you made the active choice to become cis.
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Ok. Thank you for this. You are absolutely right. This comment helps me. I am trying to be a better friend and use better terms. My friend is just trying to live. It is not a lifestyle.
Whipping Grirl was the book I recommended. Thanks for the others.
No worries for picking apart at all.
To be specific, they live with their parents who told them that they couldn’t live with them if they didnt dress “right” and they needed to see a specific doctor who demanded that they dress masculine at their meetings.
I totally get this. Let me qualify that I have trans friends who definitely have no troubles that concern me. This friend I am talking about has troubles with parents, doctors, et al. I will try to be less confusing in future.