I am definitely going to forget things because the last cutscene was an HOUR LONG. Audacious
Until The End of Disc 1 (Part 1)
Fei and company have a fucking brilliant idea. In order to take the fight to heaven they are going to destroy the 3 gates that lock Heaven (It is a spaceship) from the rest of Earth (or whatever.)
The first lock was convinently located just off I-3:16 in the Middle East. The puppet leader was diposed and ran straight to the Gate. I keep forgetting to mention that every bad guy in a mech we meet right before the fight Garf shows up and tells them “You have bullshit beta power. You Alpha Power. Only my meth-laced 5 hour Energy Drink can give you real power.”
Jumping ahead to the end of the disc when it explains fucking everything: see Garf is Lacan, who is the original incarnation of Fei/The Main Character. He tried to blow up the world (and the sleeping corpse of “god” or “mother” (hey I haven’t mentioned in this post yet the translation and the story completely unravel yet)) 500 years ago. He almost succeeded. Anyways Fei is his clone or something so he’s trying to train Fei to be his vessel to Mass of Destruction.
We defeat the puppet leader, he blows up and the gate blows up. The Prince becomes King then tries to renounce the crown for a republic but the people love him too much or something. It turns out his advisor Sigurd who also has an eyepatch is his half-brother.
Okay! So these fucking morons have the dumbest idea of all time. They are gonna use a secret ancient laser in the middle east fire that at a Mirror on the literal Tower of Babel and that is gonna reflect off and destroy the second gate which is buried deep beneath the Vatican. At the Vatican we had picked up a small child made of nano-machines who is a party member and attacks with her beautiful green hair. She thinks Fei is her dad. I think this a 3rd Fei who is not Lacan. In a flashback she? Fei? Saw Not-Fei say “I’ll keep our daughter safe even from you!” To Elly.
The morons fire the stupid laser and destroy the 2nd gate. They then say the 3 gates make a triangle. Which yes. They are 3 points. The 3rd is deep underwater. The walrus salvage captain that is cool as hell because He
Is
A Man
Of The Sea.
Lends us some equipment. We blow up the gate I honestly cannot remember if anything happens down there.
The 3rd gate reveals Heaven (It Is A Spaceship). It is like a giant dildo. Then for some reason revealing it makes it open up into a giant wagon wheel with no outer wheel. I guess it looked really cool to do that. Also it has reverse gravity of Earth. Because okay.
A famous game journalist or someone that posted on a video game forum of absolute assholes once described Xenogears as “The Best Game Of All Time and The Worst Game Of All Time put into opposite ends of the Large Hadron Collider” (El Psy Kangroo). After playing this sucker for 40 hours I cannot agree with this.
The first 5 hours are impressive. When you realize the game was made subquentally is impressive. The budget of the anime scenes are impressive. When it starts to fall apart is impressive. When a name is spelt 3 different ways in one conversation is impressive. When some character abandons everything you know about them for plot reasons is impressive. When you remember the fully function first town was there just so they could destroy and murder everyone in it is impressive. When they remember a character you have forgotten about 15 hours so they could do some plot is impressive.
The game is impressive.
The game is also oppressive. Each random battle is a little puzzle. The problem is you learn the solution to the puzzle then are asked to do it 50 times. As you navigate bland corridor dungeons with lots of doors that have loading Xenogears you hope to something interesting.
I keep thinking about how some nerds taught themselves Japanese in the hopes of understanding “The Holy Text”. The translation starts to fall apart as the game tries to very slowly pull it’s 1000 threads together which points at above spoiler block.
Anyways will start reading Disc 2 soon.
Check the next post after this for the rest of Disc 1 writing it RIGHT NOW.