The Queerness of Samus Aran

yeah my non-flap on my union suit really bugs me(EVEN THOUGH GETTING AUNION SUIT WAS MY BEST CLOTHIING PURCHASE OF THE LAST DECADE)!!, like its sort of a flap, theres extra material, but its one button holding it together like you said

aderack do you want me to split union suit talk in your samus thread or do you want it to stay

anyway the samus of my heart wears like an arming doublet but future and space, so essentially a quilted union suit she never takes off and all waste output is via some extremely arcane looking hardware cinched tight with a spacebelt

spending so much time alone in the field, comfortable in her armor, she hesitates to take it off

taking it off means she has to confront how much she smells after a week and a half on Swamp System (Every Planet In This System Is Swamp) Planet XIV

which means unhooking from her waste ports

which means she’d better stay unplugged long enough to run maintenance

which means the trouble of using the space toilet

and she’s doing space laundry

it’s a whole looming Thing when she could just chill in her armor with the majority of her body sealed away from her nostrils by a gasket

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do you think she shits in the suit so much that like, she has to remember how to analog shit again? or like, because she doesnt have to worry about clenching and unclenching her sphincter muscles all the time (since the suit takes care of all her bodies waste) that she just shits herself uncontrollably every time the toilet belt is removed? can sphincters even atrophy like that

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It’s possible that the unique infusions of Chozo and Metroid DNA that Samus is eventually subjected to make her sphincter more robust, and less prone to atrophy than that of most human beings? I suppose this would be ironic, given that the chozo resemble birds, etc.

Maybe Very Smart Space Birds are better about watching where they poop?

probably if she knows she’ll have to go a while without the suit, she tries to schedule a readjustment period in which to acclimate to the despised holding-it lifestyle again, at least

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maybe, like a bird, she just doesn’t care if she shits down her leg. sometimes you gotta keep cool

i hate that there’s an incredibly relevant efukt video for this conversation its taking all my power not to link it

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going to get you a big dogs shirt that says IT ISNT EASY BEING A CONSUMER OF THE INTERNETS BEST SHOCK SITE

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I think it has become inextricable from the body, like Samus’s fusion suit, without losing some of its essential spirit.

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Seamus O’Regan

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samus doesnt let no catholics ride in her ship. no protestants, neither

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Mother Brain awaits beneath Belfast

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just wait until an impressionable young IRA member imprints on samus as their mother and gives her the 'yper beam in a moment of great need

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she enters a dimly lit room following the attack on the space station and can see nothing but the luminescence of the metroid larva … until a twinkle alights on gerry adams’ eyes

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you’re no longer allowed to watch whatever the irish version of the sopranos is

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where on the boss statue do you think bobby sands would be

maybe like all the chozo statues with powerups would be kneeling bobbys

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OK this did just make me imagine Kraid coming out to a Pogues song which is hilarious so you get a pass this time old man

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something something lord mountbatten grapple beam

Craig

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speaking of glowing eyes

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Just a minor comment here but I agree wholeheartedly that Fusion is and will forever be the rightful conclusion to the series. 1-2-Super-Fusion is a great little arc with a lot to say, and everything else is really just fluff. I can’t imagine that somehow changing. How could you follow up Fusion, or make an interquel that really mattered?

That said, I don’t MIND the other games–I stan Prime 1 about as much as anyone. The game owns its canonical irrelevance.

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my two samus headcanons are ptsd-addled avian-gene-modded power-lifter and

ball

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