How Are You Good?

i am really only good at shitposting

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how has that not been gamified yet

a reality game show where 10 people try to stir up the most energy on social media using borderline anonymous twitter accounts by the end of 4 weeks. the name of this show has to be amazing

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I used to beat Super Mario World in about 12 minutes. I can still think my way through the route and reckon I could still muster close to 15.

At one point I could do Dark Souls 2 pretty fast but Iā€™d need copious practice before facing any satanic demons.

I could shoot every leaf, throw myself at each invisible wall from every conceivable angle, go out of my way to figure out the limits of the world in favor of making a step of constructive progress, until the devil got frustrated and gave up.

I donā€™t think that thereā€™s a game that I would absolutely win in; given this hypothetical which is something Iā€™ve never thought about at all in the past no way no how, it would be to play a season of Football Manager with a poor-to-middling team using the in-game manager points system to rank us at the yearā€™s end.

I can 1CC Metal Slug reliably without losing a single life but MS2 gets rather hectic during the final boss and requires a couple of credits at most.

Metal Slug 3 is too fiendish to bother with.

My other 1CCs include Final Fight (Cody, without using the punch exploit) and Gradius.

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I 1ccā€™ed Deathsmiles 2 before finding out that I should never play it again.

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i can turn off dark souls right when i get mad

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I died in Zelda 1 for the first time in 19 years a couple months back, and I replay it at least once a year.

I donā€™t think Iā€™ve ever died in Super Metroid.

When MVC3 first came out one of my friendsā€™ friends organized a pretty big tournament at his house, with money on the line, a Genesis SFII qualifying round, and everything. The final came down to me and my long time SFA3 sparring pal. With just a sliver of health left on both sides in the final round, I dizzied my friend, then taunted. The whole place went nuts as I had hoped. But having never played the game before I had no idea my friend had enough time to recover. Probably the most bad ass way to end up in second place.

I placed third in a Windjammers tournament at an arcade a couple years back. Both the dudes ahead of me were leagues better though.

In a legit Skullgirls tournament back in 2012 I made it to the semifinals without ever having played the game, including in the first two rounds since I got matched with no shows. Had I won my first real match I would have been paired with Justin Wong.

i was ziggurat world champion and iā€™ve never met anyone who i canā€™t beat at least 51% of the time at mario kart 8 (and i usually win 99% of the time)

so one of those

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Oh, I probably mentioned this before but for a while I was by a wide margin the top Shenmue Space Harrier player in Maine. Back when there were online rankings for these things.

I also won a Star Soldier competition at one of Hudsonā€™s final-ever press junkets. It was the Wiiware version of the game. Star Soldier R, maybe?

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Oh yeah leaderboards!

I think I held #1 on the Rock Band 3 pro keys board for Sanctified, and like #3 for Love Will Tear Us Apart. Really any dlc pro keys track was like instant top 30 on the Wii because no one was playing it.

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Fuck did I post the same story in the same thread a year and a half apart? Iā€™m not good at anything

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good at regularly reacquainting yourself and others with a small but beloved set of personal anecdotes

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I hit #1 on like two different levels in The Clubā€™s leaderboards.

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In my younger days, I was probably among the top SSBM players who couldnā€™t be bothered to play at a tournament level and learn stupid shit like wave dashing and whatever.

I know thatā€™s a really arbitrary line to draw but I stick by it.

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OK, Iā€™ve been wondering about this for years and youā€™re uniquely the best person to ask. Around the time Ziggurat came out, Tim was telling people that there was a totally crazy, game-changing secret buried so far into the game that probably no one would ever see it. Was he bullshitting?

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i won a halo 2 tournament in like 2005 with the magic equalizing power of a bungie shotgun. i am older now and not as good at halo anymore.

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The thread title sounds so accusatory.