Dynasty Warriors 2
I have a problem with patience.
We’re here, at the birth of a genre. Koei shed its menus and delivered something hot and immediate. Trip Hawkins would be proud. This game, however, is not for me.
It should be though. I have read Romance of the Three Kingdoms. While I can say it’s my least favorite of China’s classical novels, that’s more like saying lemon is my least favorite Starburst. I still like it! It’s kind of hilariously repetitive. I lost count of how many times a general ingeniously faked a retreat in order to bait their opponent into a more advantageous field of battle. The book just keeps going and going with dead heroes and villains being replaced by new ones. It’s entirely worth reading just to see Zhuge Liang do his thing. He’s a trickster strategist who can read the stars and intuit his enemies moves. He always wears daopao.
In my time with Dynasty Warriors 2, I did not get to watch Zhuge Liang do his thing. I completed two battles, both which cost me well over an hour to complete. That’s because I died again and again.
I have a problem with patience. I see the crowds of low ranking soldiers and think myself above them. I charge ahead, straight to one of the generals. This is what some of the characters in Romance of the Three Kingdoms do so I feel justified. I am swarmed and hit in the back dozens of times, stunned into death. I swear to myself I’ll be more careful next time. I am not.
I began to view the battlefield like a system of water pipes. My armies are like water and theirs are like wads of toilet paper. I understand that I have to clear the clog before the water can flow but it’s too tedious. I just hit the attack button again and again hoping I will feel something. Even the horse is annoying to use because it gets caught up on troops. The absolute worst thing is when you fight another general. You’d think this is where things become interesting but there is a detail here that ruins everything. Any time an enemy general falls on the ground, he or she has a chance of getting a stat buff or regaining health. It’s possible that they will regain full health. Once, I whittled Lu Bu down to a sliver of health only to watch Cao Ren come in and knock him down. He healed completely then unleashed a flurry of attacks that killed me. My last save was 20 minutes ago. There are probably some sweet Tips and Tricks that make everything easier but I didn’t find them. I am finished with Dynasty Warriors 2. I am not done with Musou.