I’d love to be a disposable goon if you recruit more in the future.
2 Likes
Proud to be in the squad! I’ll do my best not to get merked by a cryptid from offscreen as soon as I step out of the van or whatever.
2 Likes
Can I be a service cryptid later?
1 Like
How do you feel about a giant rat?
1 Like
4 Likes
Sign me up
I wanna be a minivan or maybe a hwp
1 Like
2 Likes
Do I have… 2 HP…
6 Likes
Yeah it’s not a good sign
3 Likes
Things have escalated into full-out war with Red Dawn. Since I’m located in “their territory” up here in a Siberian ICBM bunker, they do not care for my work.
This has grown into a pretty beneficial relationship because I need as much SVD ammo as I can get, and I typically use less ammo killing them than I receive per mission. These are days of plenty.
The bass lets us know they’ve achieved a real breakthrough here with our military technology:
The fine men and women of subterranean the interrogation gulag have managed to extract the names of some key players:
After a quick extraction mission…
Manufacturing has cooked up a pretty nice little perk from all the GIANT HORRIFYING CRYPTID SPIDERS I’ve been killing on various outings with the XVan. After capturing, alive, one of each of the five different flavors of giant spider - Armored, Poison-Vomiting, Fire-Spitting, 20-Foot Queen, and Classic™ - they have been able to work out a way of extracting the sweet, sweet steel-cable-strength hellweb, which makes for a great kevlar-like weave:
So, good against bullets, which will be particularly useful now that we know where the Red Dawn HQ is.
Best get to it.
9 Likes
put me in coach
4 Likes
Red Dawn HQ
Landing zone seems clear, only see a few guys on the surf-
DaleNixon and Boojiboy are shredded by gunfire. Still alive, bleeding out, but REAL fucked up.
Cania loads up the RPG, scores a hit, drops it to the ground, moves, Daphaknee picks it up, Cuba underhand tosses them a rocket, they load, fire, a hit on all three, two collapse.
8128 THE DOG BITES THE APC UNTIL IT DIES.
Next two turns are spent throwing medpacks at everyone, getting them back on their feet, pumping them full of painkillers, yadda yadda.
Our next peek out spots 3 more APCs further in.
Cania fires off another shot.
Few turns of back and forth. DaleNixon takes a 12mm round in the neck, spurts blood all over Geoff as they medpacked em better.
Boojiboy and Cubes drop their stuff, grab RPGs, and a turn later, also start firing off RPG rockets with Cania. A few good hits in, they’re all junk.
We got back to the X-Van, dump the RPGs, rearm. Loadouts are like a mix of SVDs, M60s, and auto-shotguns.
We push forward. It red dawns on me that what we’re doing here is identical to what it would be like if they sieged our base - a surface assault against a buried Soviet missile silo.
We got there first!
We split up, there’s two obvious points of entry - one of which has dozens of “red ops” soldiers pouring out of it!
C.R.U.N.C.H. Squad, led by 8128 The Talking Dog Who Says Words By Barking, moves to secure this bunker thing to the east with all the goons.
SVDs really clear out the surface, can’t get over how good these things are.
The Goblin Corps, led by Boojiboy, uses our fancy new dynamite to bust into some kind of ventilation shaft system to the north.
GobCorpz drop in to the vents. Whole lotta long stretches here, with random patrols appearing at intersections. Skirmishes start breaking out, with zero room for cover. Real wild west-style shoot-first biz - SVDs surprisingly come in handy here.
On the Crunchside, Cuba and Cania secure the doorway, toss in a grenade, then start picking off the remaining red ops dipshits on the staircase. Cania takes a round to the gut and just kinda keeps on keeping on.
The path clear, 8128 busts in.
Gets to work tearing out some throats, chompin’ nutz. Dogs in this mod have a really wild about of time units, since they’re meant to melee everything.
Some shots out of the dark, one hits 8128. The rest of the C.R.U.N.C.H. Squad start their way down. Cania gets healed by DaleNixon, as Dale is perhaps the only man in the world who can genuinely empathize… he knows what so few know in this world… that being shot with a gun hurts super duper bad…
This place is big. Seems pretty empty too, maybe we got most of the soldiers in that initial-
Back Goblinside, Boojiboy has reached some type of server room? A firefight erupts between us at ground level and a bunch of soldiers leaning over some railings on a second floor.
This is a hairy one. He digs in, puts his back to a server rack, and starts spraying with the M60.
Back to C.R.U.N.C.H. Squad, things are going pretty bad!!!
8128 is knee-deep in the dead (top-right corner), Cuba and Cania come down the stairs to enter the shitshow.
Lot of mortal wounds on both at this point!!
HOLD THE LINE GOD DAMMIT
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Geoff be up here all like
GEOFF’S FUCKING DEAD
The tide turns. As more bodies of commanding officers pile up, we see the ranks starting to fall apart. The rout has begun.
After a turn, all 16 remaining enemies surrender. We’ve won.
I assign a new rook the title “Geoff”, and he is birthed anew.
11 Likes
New recruits:
km’s body is currently this incredibly shitty like, door-opening robot, but, baby steps:
7 Likes
With Red Dawn’s leadership deposed, we move in to fill the vacuum.
I set up a second base of operations in South America with all the money I got from selling off prisoners and guns to the grey market.
I’ve also invested in a new vehicle, a 5-person humvee. The X-Van will remain in use for covert missions.
Meanwhile, the Mig is doing a pretty solid job keeping the occasional UFO out of the sky. It gets pretty banged up each engagement, but, it’s working.
Usually it’s more sectoids…
…but in one case, they had THIS friendly fella running around too! Scared the everloving shit out of me while the team was combing through wheat fields in the middle of the night:
The fellas in the lab open it up. Not really a lot of useful info here but sure:
Every little bit helps I guess.
Which brings us to:
The Farmer Saga
Every now and then I get a mission to go investigate a cattle mutilation, or scope out the site of a UFO sighting.
In both cases, this involves the humvee rolling up into a field, usually wheat, finding farmers milling about, tazing them, and black-bagging them into our underground bunker gulag. I wouldn’t necessarily have through to do this, but this was what the mission perimeters were! Capture farmers alive for questioning about the alien encounter.
We got these sweet new electric prod things that are a step up from the baseball bats. They hurt a LOT, there’s a lot of screaming usually, seems bad.
Dawwww
Interrogations last days, just plying these fools for everything they know. I get daily reports of the juiciest reveals:
This becomes a pretty regular event. I go out there in the dead of night, taze all farmers in sight, throw them in the prisons, and get to the interrogation.
Eventually this seems to reveal less than valuable information. I stop prioritizing these, but, I also forget to ever release the farmers from captivity. Like, months and months pass without me remembering they’re down there. Pretty fucked up, but, that how it be.
15 Likes
Can you recruit the cows?
Because I’d love to be a cow
2 Likes
beginning to suspect that the organization known as X-COM might be bad, actually,
8 Likes
Unfortunately nah, options right now are human, A.I., giant ratte, and dog. I’m close to unlocking human/alien hybrids.
3 Likes
Ah, guess I’ll have to keep on dreaming the bovine dreams
I’m happy to contribute to the team as a whatever that does anything though
1 Like
It’s looking like my body will be 75% lead soon!
3 Likes