2D Beat 'em Ups that aren't Streets of Rage et al

Crime Fighters (Konami, 1989)

(PS4 Arcade Archives version)


Tortuously long beat-em-up whose horrendous hurt boxes make hitting anything a chore. Bosses on the other hand may deck you three or four more times as you struggle to your feet after an initial knock-down.

Skip the key the rotund real boss tosses out – get it and he machine-guns you for the “bad” ending, according to Wikipedia Crime Fighters - Wikipedia – and instead just beat his defenseless self to a pulp (the game also has you do this to near-dead enemies, who just bumble helplessly around you instead of attacking)

to get the sexist “good” ending,

followed by the bosses lining up on the high score screen

for a group rush at you in which you lose the rest of your quarters.

I played the 2P, International cabinet version, which apparently loops endlessly. The 4P cab versions, per Wikipedia, manage player health like Gauntlet. The 2P Japan version has a third button, Back-Kick, that lets you sucker-hit rank-and-file enemies a la Double Dragon’s elbow.

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